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aml_song_lyrics_balanced

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Beady_Belle___Never_Mind

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"Never Mind LyricsYou know better than I\nWhat is strenghtened, what dissolves\nYou know better than I\nWhat your point of view involves\n\nYou know better than I\nWhat can make you satisfied\nYou know better than I\nWhat you really feel inside\n\nYou know better than I\nWhat your mirror image craves\nYou know better than I\nWhat your self-opinion waives\nI know better than you\nWhat refusal has brought on\nI know better than you\nSacrifice I've undergone\n\nSo this is all you can provide\nJust a little bit of thought, little bit of time\nNever mind\nFor me to bear this just won't do\nJust a little bit of care, little bit of love\nLittle bit of you\nNever mind\n\nYou know better than I\nYour order of priority\nYou know better than I\nWhat you would forgo for me\n\nI know better than you\nMy intention of my deed\nI know better than you\nWhat's undue and what I needYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Fat_Freddys_Drop___Boondigga

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"Boondigga LyricsWell, the more I try to change\nWell, the more I feel the same\nEach day like the one before\n'Til I don't wanna try no more-ore\n\nWhen working, tired and your feet are hurtin'\nFrom runnin' all the time, trippin' out, off your mind\nToo many times to notice, how the lonely soul is\nLove is all alive, it's waiting to, arrive...\n\nTried everything, then tried it again\nBeen watching the flame, burn to the end\nBeen wasting my bones, been takin' my time\nA bird from the ashes, burning to fly\nHome from the sea, a thief in the night\nLike Mr. Apiata, just doing what's right\nMy brothers and me, my sisters and I\nWe're waiting to arrive...\nWhen working, tired and your feet are hurtin'\nFrom runnin' all the time, trippin' out, off your mind\nToo many times to notice, how the lonely soul is\nLove is all alive, it's waiting to, arriveYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Feist___Let_It_Die

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"Let It Die LyricsLet it die and get out of my mind\nWe don't see eye to eye\nOr hear ear to ear\nDon't you wish that we could forget that kiss\nAnd see this for what it is\nThat we're not in love\nThe saddest part of a broken heart\nIsn't the ending so much as the start\nIt was hard to tell just how I felt\nTo not recognize myself\nI started to fade away, away, away\n\nAnd after all it won't take long to fall in love\nNow I know what I don't want\nI learned that with you\n\nThe saddest part of a broken heart\nIsn't the ending so much as the start\nThe tragedy starts from the very first spark\nLosing your mind for the sake of your heart\n\nThe saddest part of a broken heart\nIsn't the ending so much as the startYou might also like1Embed", 'default'

Chrisette_Michele___Golden

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"Golden LyricsTake me back in the day\nWhen loving was pure\nLove ain't going away\nLove is always secure\n\nLife's not always perfect\nBut love's always forever\nLet's let true love connect\nLet's try lasting together\n\nI'm so ready to love\nI'm so ready to promise my all\nI'm so ready to give\nTil the day that my life is no more\nI'll be everything\nThat this woman can possibly be\nCause I'm ready to be like the olden days\nWhen commitment was golden\n\nBe the man of my dreams\nAnd get down on one knee, love\nSay you'll be all I need\nAnd then ask me to marry you, my love\n\nLet's take two golden bands\nAnd let's walk down the aisle, Love\nI'll say I do and you'll say I do\nMake a golden commitment, oh\n\nI'm so ready to love\nI'm so ready to promise my all\nAnd I'm so ready to give\nTill the day that my life is no more\n\nI'll be everything\nThat this woman could possibly be\nYes, I will\nCause I'm ready to be like the olden days\nWhen commitment was golden\nYou might also likeLet's last forever\nLet's last forever\n\nNo typical american shady love\nLet's stay together\nLet's stay together\nPray God smile upon our everlasting love\n\nI'm so ready to love\nI'm so ready to promise my whole all\nAnd I'm so ready to give\nTill the day that my life is no more\n\nI'll be everything\nThat this woman could possibly be\nYes, I will\nCause I'm ready to be like the olden days\nWhen commitment was golden\n\nI'm so ready to love\nI'm so ready to promise my all, yeah\nAnd I'm so ready to give\nTill the day that my life is no more\n\nI'll be everything\nThat this woman could possibly be\nCause I'm ready to be like the olden days\nWhen commitment was golden\nGolden\nGolden\n\nGolden\nGolden love\nCause commitment is golden2Embed", 'default'

Edyta_Gorniak___Linger

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"Linger LyricsEveryday I'm growing a little bit closer to you\nI find myself doing everything you ask me to do\nWe talk a little then you say you have to be gone\nBut when you leave me the memory hangs on and on\n\nWhy don't you linger a little bit longer\nWon't you linger a little bit longer\nMove in closer now feel my love grow stronger\nLinger a little bit longer\nA little bit longer\nI can see you thinking about what your love means to me\nI can sense the feeling that nobody else ever sees\nYou're always in a rush how I wish you'd take a little time\nWhy run when one kiss could make you mine all mine\n\nWhy don't you linger a little bit longer\nWon't you linger a little bit longer\nMove in closer feel my love grow stronger\nLinger a little bit longer\n\nBreaks me up every time that you go away\nWouldn't it be simpler all round if you were to stay yeah\n\nLinger a little bit longer\nWon't you linger just a little bit longer\nMove in closer feel my love grow stronger\nLinger a little bit longer\nWon't you linger a little bit longer... move in closer\nFeel my love grow stronger\nLinger. A little bit longer\nWhy don't you linger a little bit longer\nWon't you linger a little bit longer\nMove in closer feel my love grow stronger...You might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Barry_Manilow___Even_Now

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"Even Now Lyrics[Verse 1]\nEven now\nWhen there's someone else who cares\nWhen there's someone home who's waiting just for me\nEven now I think about you as I'm climbing up the stairs\nAnd I wonder what to do so she won't see\n\n[Verse 2]\nThat even now\nWhen I know it wasn't right\nAnd I found a better life than what we had\nEven now I wake up crying in the middle of the night\nAnd I can't believe it still could hurt so bad\n[Chorus]\nEven now, when I have come so far\nI wonder where you are\nI wonder why it's still so hard without you\nEven now, when I come shinin' through\nI swear I think of you\nAnd how I wish you knew\nEven now\n\n[Verse 3]\nEven now\nWhen I never hear your name\nAnd the world has changed so much since you've been gone\nEven now I still remember and the feeling's still the same\nAnd this pain inside of me goes on and on\nEven now\n\n[Chorus]\nEven now, when I have come so far\nI wonder where you are\nI wonder why it's still so hard without you\nEven now, when I come shinin' through\nI swear I think of you\nAnd God, I wish you knew\n\n[Outro]\nSomehow\nEven nowSee Barry Manilow LiveGet tickets as low as $30You might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Beth_Orton___Couldnt_Cause_Me_Harm

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"Couldn’t Cause Me Harm Lyrics[Verse]\nOh yeah, you know\nYou couldn't cause me any harm\nAlthough at times, I may get startled\nI'm not alarmed\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nI can see your eyes\nI know when they're telling me a truth\nI can feel your heart\nEspecially when it's on the roof\nOf my mouth\n[Chorus]\nThere's no right or wrong\nThis isn't a test\nAnd I won't lose my experience\nI won't try\nTo put it aside\nBut it's all right\nYou know that it's alright\n'S'alright\nIt's gonna be alright\nGonna be alright\n\n[Verse 2]\nAnd if I told you\nWould you never know to guess?\nSure, what's the point\nWhen little often means so much less?\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nI can see for miles\nI know when you're telling me a truth\nI can feel my heart\nEspecially now it's on the roof\nOf my mouth\n\n[Chorus]\nThere's no right or wrong\nThis isn't a gesture\nAnd I don't use my experience\nI don't try\nTo let it go by\nBut it's alright\nYou know that it's alright\nIt's alright\nIt's gonna be alright\nBa da da ba\nBa da da baYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Jukebox_The_Ghost___Good_Day

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"Good Day Lyrics[Verse 1]\nI think that I would like\nTo invite everyone I've known, dead and alive\nTo a street where we can be\nFinally free\nAnd they will come in droves\nWearing their hearts on their sleeves, but oh\nHow good it felt to have 'em worn\nJust like they should\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nAnd everybody here wants to know\n[Chorus]\nDid everybody say what a good day that it was?\nFor everybody who said what a good day that it was\nDid they smile 'cause they like it?\nDid they smile 'cause they like it, did they?\nWhoa-oh-oh-oh\n\n[Verse 2]\nSuddenly, we all got young\nRunning circles around ourselves just for fun\nAnd oh, how good it felt\nTo be young and loved, and feel it in our bones\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nAnd everybody here wants to know\n\n[Chorus]\nDid everybody say what a good day that it was?\nFor everybody who said what a good day that it was\nDid they smile 'cause they like it?\nDid they smile 'cause they like it, did they?\nWhoa-oh, did everybody say what a good day that it was?\nFor everybody who said what a good day that it was\nDid they smile 'cause they like it?\nDid they smile 'cause they like it, did they?\nWhoa-oh-oh-oh\nSee Jukebox the Ghost LiveGet tickets as low as $50You might also like[Post-Chorus]\nWe go there when we're in trouble\nWe got old and old age made us humble\nYou and I are alone\n\n[Bridge]\nThat it felt like this, we were never told\nThat it felt like this we were never told\nAnd it scares us bad so we'll have to be bold\nBut there's still one thing that we need to know\n\n[Chorus Outro]\nDid everybody say what a good day that it was?\nFor everybody who said what a good day that it was\nDid they smile 'cause they like it?\nDid they smile 'cause they like it, did they?\nWhoa-oh, did everybody say what a good day that it was?\nFor everybody who said what a good day that it was\nDid they smile 'cause they like it?\nDid they smile 'cause they like it, did they?\nWhoa-oh, did everybody say what a good day that it was?\nFor everybody who said what a good day that it was\nDid they smile 'cause they like it?\nDid they smile 'cause they like it, did they?\nWhoa-oh, did everybody say what a good day that it was?\nFor everybody who said what a good day that it was\nDid they smile 'cause they like it?\nD-d-d-d-did they smile 'cause they like it, d-did they?\nWhoa-oh, did everybody say what a good day that it was?\nFor everybody who said what a good day that it was\nDid they smile 'cause they like it?\nDid they smile 'cause they like it, did they?\nWhoa-oh-oh-oh\nWhoa-oh-oh-oh2Embed", 'default'

Gazpacho___When_Earth_Lets_Go

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'When Earth Lets Go LyricsA soaring flight comes to an end\nHaunting, ancient\nGolden sea\nFallen leaves\nNow I see you\nSlowly opening up\nWarm winds, wonderful\n\nUnfold your wings again\nRay of light\nWhen earth lets go\n\nSteeples rise\nTo nowhere\nRaised in mourning\nCircling vast fields of you\nReleasing passion\nSlowly opening up\nIts dancing in the air\n\nAs the tide slowly turns\nPaper bird\n\nWhen earth lets goYou might also likeEmbed', 'default'

Damien_Rice___Older_Chests

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"Older Chests Lyrics[Verse 1]\nOlder chests reveal themselves\nLike a crack in a wall\nStarting small\nAnd grow in time\nAnd we always seem to need the help\nOf someone else\nTo mend that shelf\nToo many books\nRead me your favorite line\nPapa went to other lands\nAnd he found someone who understands\nThe ticking\nThe Western Man's need to cry\nHe came back the other day, yeah you know\nSome things in life may change\nAnd some things\nThey stay the same\n[Chorus]\nLike time\nThere's always time\nOn my mind\nSo pass me by\nI'll be fine\nJust give me time\n\n[Verse 2]\nOlder gents sit on the fence\nWith their cap in hand\nLooking grand\nThey watch their city change\nChildren scream, or so it seems\nLouder than before\nOut of doors and into stores\nWith bigger names\nMama tried to wash their faces\nBut these kids they lost their graces\nAnd daddy lost\nAt the races too many times\nShe broke down the other day, yeah you know\nSome things in life may change\nAnd some things\nThey stay the same\nYou might also like[Chorus]\nLike time\nThere's always time\nOn my mind\nSo pass me by\nI'll be fine\nJust give me time\nLike time\nThere's always time\nOn my mind\nSo pass me by\nI'll be fine\nJust give me time2Embed", 'default'

Joe_Nichols___The_Impossible

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"The Impossible Lyrics[Verse 1]\nMy dad chased monsters from the dark\nHe checked underneath my bed\nAnd he could lift me with one arm\nWay up over top his head\nHe could loosen rusty bolts\nWith a quick turn of his wrench\nHe pulled splinters from his hand\nNever even flinched\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nIn thirteen years I'd never seen him cry\nBut the day that grandpa died, I realized\n[Chorus]\nUnsinkable ships sink\nUnbreakable walls break\nSometimes the things you think would never happen\nHappen just like that\nUnbendable steel bends\nIf the fury of the wind is unstoppable\nI've learned to never underestimate the impossible\n\n[Verse 2]\nThen there was my junior year\nBilly had a brand new car\nIt was late, the road was wet\nI guess the curve was just too sharp\nI walked away without a scratch\nThey brought the helicopter in\nAnd Billy couldn't feel his legs\nSaid he'd never walk again\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nBut Billy said he would and his mom and daddy prayed\nAnd the day we graduated, he stood up to say\n\n[Chorus]\nUnsinkable ships sink\nUnbreakable walls break\nSometimes the things you think would never happen\nHappen just like that\nUnbendable steel bends\nIf the fury of the wind is unstoppable\nI've learned to never underestimate the impossible\nYou might also like[Bridge]\nSo don't tell me that it's over\nDon't give up on you and me\n'Cause there's no such thing as hopeless\nIf you believe\n\n[Chorus]\nUnsinkable ships sink\nUnbreakable walls break\nSometimes the things you think would never happen\nHappen just like that\nUnbendable steel bends\nIf the fury of the wind is unstoppable\nI've learned to never underestimate the impossibleEmbed", 'default'

Alex_Gopher___The_Child

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'The Child LyricsThem thats got shall get\nThem thats not shall lose\nThats got his own own own own ....\nThey dont come no more\n\n[From "god bless the child - Billie Holliday"]You might also likeEmbed', 'default'

Department_of_Eagles___Family_Romance

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"Family Romance LyricsThere's every good reason\nTo let down your hair\nIt's nobody's business\nAnd nobody cares\n\nI would know\nI would know\nAsk our neighbors\nI would know\n\nIn spite of the weather\nWe can have a good time\nWe can go out for dinner\nYou can make up your mind\nBut you don't have to close your eyes\nThe way you used to do\nEvery time you change your look\nYou feel like someone new\n\nSo put on your makeup\nAnd get in the car\nIt takes such a long, long time\nTo drive that far\n\nI would know\nI would know\nAsk our neighbors\nI would know\nAsk our neighbors\nI would know\nAsk our neighbors\nAsk our neighbors\nAsk our neighbors\nI would know\nAsk our neighbors\nAsk our neighbors\nAsk our neighbors\nI would know\nAsk our neighbors\nAsk our neighbors\nAsk our neighbors\nI would knowYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

John_Paul_Young___Love_Is_In_The_Air_Fran_Mix

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"Love Is in the Air Fran mix LyricsLove is in the air\nEverywhere I look around\nLove is in the air\nEvery sight and every sound\n\nAnd I don't know if I'm being foolish\nDon't know if I'm being wise\nBut it's something that I must believe in\nAnd it's there when I look in your eyes\n\nLove is in the air\nIn the whisper of the trees\nLove is in the air\nIn the thunder of the sea\nAnd I don't know if I'm just dreaming\nDon't know if I feel sane\nBut it's something that I must believe in\nAnd it's there when you call out my name\n\nLove is in the air\nLove is in the air\nOh oh oh\n\nLove is in the air\nIn the rising of the sun\nLove is in the air\nWhen the day is nearly done\n\nAnd I don't know if you're an illusion\nDon't know if I see it true\nBut you're something that I must believe in\nAnd you're there when I reach out for you\n\nLove is in the air\nEverywhere I look around\nLove is in the air\nEvery sight and every sound\n\nAnd I don't know if I'm being foolish\nDon't know if I'm being wise\nBut it's something that I must believe in\nAnd it's there when I look in your eyes\nYou might also likeLove is in the air\nLove is in the air\nOh oh oh\n\nLove is in the air\nLove is in the air\nOh oh oh\n\nLove is in the air\nLove is in the air\nOh oh oh\n\nLove is in the air\nLove is in the air\nOh oh ohEmbed", 'default'

Jens_Lekman___Sipping_On_the_Sweet_Water

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'Sipping On The Sweet Water LyricsYou remember your first kiss?\nWell, how can I forget?\nMy hand still shiver from the very thought of it\n\nWell, sometimes I almost regret it\nLike I regret my regrets\nI see myself on my deathbed saying\n"I wish I would have loved less"\n\nBut that\'s when the feeling hits\nSo just lick your lips\nThese are the good times that you\'ll miss\nWhen you are sipping\nOn the sweet nectar of your memories\nJust take a sip and let it wet your lips\nYou won\'t understand all this\nUntil you\'re sipping\nOn the sweet nectar of your memories\n\nLast night I ran into my old life\nStill waiting for someone at the station\nSomeone who never made it into my new life\n\nSo I called up Lisa\n\'Cause she\'s my only friend\n"Lisa, I don\'t know anymore\nEvery heartbeat needs a reason", she said\n\n"That\'s when the feeling hits, so just lick your lips\nCan you smell the spring time in the breeze?\nYou gotta start sipping\nOn the sweet nectar of your memories"\n\nI take a sip, I let it wet my lips\nI think back on that kiss\nI gotta start sipping on the sweet nectar\n\nThat\'s when the feeling hitsYou might also likeEmbed', 'default'

Dntel___Suddenly_Is_Sooner_Than_You_Think

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'Suddenly Is Sooner Than You Think LyricsI carry it, your body\nFrom the freeway\nI cried as if my tears\nWould bring you back to me\nThe sirens followed close behind\nBut they were too late\nDeserved to drown\nThe last words\nThen you whispered;\nSuddenly is soon, sooner than you think\nSuddenly is soon, sooner than you think\nSuddenly is soon...\n...sooner than you think\n\nOutside, under, a road\nBackwards, into, the ground\nMiss you\nDown, down\nMiss you\nDown, down\nSuddenly is soon, sooner than you think\nSuddenly is soon, sooner than you thinkYou might also likeEmbed', 'default'

Corinne_Bailey_Rae___Enchantment_Live_At_Webster_Hall

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"Enchantment - live at webster hall LyricsI wait for you, I don't know why\nAll I know is I can't hide\nAt this temperature\nYou could take over my mind\nLike gossamer you softly touch\nHe draws me in, I'm powerless\nHe possesses an enchantment\nTell me, I'm forgiven\nHe calls, don't know\nHow I fell under his spell\nLately, I've been driven\nHe smiles an enchantment\nI wait for you, I'm mesmerized\nThis love is like a potion in disguise\nI'd tightrope walk\nWith a blindfold on my eyes\nI can't escape or so it seems\nI'd run away, he's in my dreams\nHe possesses an enchantment\nTell me, I'm forgiven\nHe calls, don't know\nHow I fell under his spell\nLately, I've been driven\nHe smiles an enchantment\nIt's the kind of sleepwalk that never ends\nType of loan with no dividends\nIt's a parlor game where you're given chase\nGuess, it could be called an acquired taste\nI know, he knows, he calls, I go, I know\nThis could be an enchantment\nWhy don't you tell me I'm forgiven?\nHe calls, don't know\nHow I fell under his spell? I'm forgiven\nLately, I've been driven\nHe smiles and I give in, give in\nAn enchantmentYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Donavon_Frankenreiter___Butterfly

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"Butterfly LyricsIf the road I travel goes bad\nIf the life I live comes unhappy or sad\nI close my eyes, and I dream of my butterfly\nComing down to rescue me\n\nShe's my butterfly\nShe's my butterfly\n\nIf the road I travel goes bad\nIf the life I live comes unhappy or sad\nI close my eyes, and I dream of my butterfly\nComing down to rescue me\nShe's my butterfly\nShe's my butterfly\n\nAh She's my butterfly\nYah, She's my butterfly\n\nShe's my butterfly She's my butterfly\nShe's my butterfly She's my butterfly\nShe's my butterfly She's my butterfly\nShe's my butterfly She's my butterfly\n\nAh, She's my butterfly butterfly butterfly\nYah, She's my butterfly butterfly butterfly\nI said, She's my butterfly butterfly butterfly\nI said, She's my butterfly butterfly butterflyYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Emiliana_Torrini___Me_And_Armini_Radio_Edit

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"Me and armini radio edit LyricsMe and armini\n\nI had my life\nI know my place\nI belong in your arms again\nAnd i've been waiting for you\nTo belong to me\n\nSome might say\nI'm a silly woman to wait\nBut i know you still hold my love\nSome people think that\nI'm heading for a meltown\nThat i'm sitting by the phone\nThat i worrie but no\n\nWhen i feel your body close\nI burn up in smoke\nAnd i swore i keep waiting\n\nNow i see this city\nWon't hold my love\nFor armini\nI know he's close\nN' i dream\nI just keep waiting\nI keep waiting\n\nSome people think that\nI'm heading for a meltdown\nThat i'm sitting by the phone\nThat i worrie but no\n\nThis i know\nShe doesn't love you like i do\nYes it's clear\nShe'll never love you like me\nYou might also likeYou people say\nThat i'm heading for a meltdown\nThat i'm just sitting by the phone\nThat i worry but no\n\nI don't worry cause i know\n\nMe and armini\nMe and my armini...Embed", 'default'

Dashboard_Confessional___Carry_This_Picture

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"Carry This Picture Lyrics[Verse 1]\nCarry this picture for luck\nKept in a locket, tucked in your collar, close to your chest\nMake it a secret, shown to the closest friends\nAnd meet me at quarter to seven\nThe sun will still shine then, at this time of year\nWe'll head to the inlet\nAnd we'll share a bottle there\n\n[Chorus]\nAnd color the coast with your smile\nIt's the most genuine thing I've ever seen\nI was so lost, but now I believe\n[Verse 2]\nAnd follow me south of the big docks\nWhere they tether the boats\nThe rich men revere as so important\nThey hire our fathers to steer\nAnd down to the edge of the water, where we'll spill our guts, and we'll name our fears\nI'll give you this picture\nKeep it and don't be scared\n\n[Chorus]\nAnd color the coast with your smile\nIt's the most genuine thing I've ever seen\nI was so lost, but now I believe in the coast\nYour smile is the most genuine thing I've ever seen\nI was so lost, but now I believe\n\n[Outro]\nNow I believe\nNow I believe\nNow I believeYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Enigma___Principles_Of_Lust_Everlasting_Lust_Mix

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'Principles of Lust Everlasting Lust mix LyricsThe principles of lust, are burned in your mind...\nDo what you want, do it until you find love\n\nFeel your heart beat...\n\nThe principles of lust are easy to understand...\nDo what you feel, feel until the end\nThe principles of lust, are burned in your mind...\nDo what you want, do it until you find love\n\nStart to move slowly...\nVery slowly...\nThe principles of lust are easy to understand...\nDo what you feel, feel until the end\nThe principles of lust, are burned in your mind...\nDo what you want, do it until you find loveYou might also likeEmbed', 'default'

Jamiroquai___Dynamite

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"Dynamite Lyrics[Verse 1]\nRiding the night, riding the night - ain't it cool?\nRolling it high, rolling it high - ain't it cool?\nShe's looking hot, she's looking hot, in the breeze\nFlashing those eyes, strutting her stuff, Givenchy\nBaby wants to ride tonight\n\n[Chorus]\nWell, you sure got the look, that the good times come for free\nBaby I'm not expensive, but tonight you're taking me\nYou sure got the look, when you're riding next to me\nDynamite, dynamite\nYou sure got the look, got to keep you on my hook\nPussycat eyes, I'm digging you, girl, you got the look\nRiding the night, you know that she's dynamite, come on\nDynamite, dynamite\nDon't stop caressing me\n'Cos it's ecstasy\nAnd I wanna be\n\n[Verse 2]\nRiding the night, riding the night - ain't it cool?\nRiding the night, riding the night - she's no fool\nTurn the lights off\nRolling it high, rolling it high - that's her thing\nRiding the night, she's cold as ice - watch the sting\n\n[Chorus]\nWell, you sure got the look, that the good times come for free\nBaby I'm not expensive, but tonight you're taking me\nYou sure got the look, when you're riding next to me\nDynamite, dynamite\nYou sure got the look, got to keep you on my hook\nPussycat eyes, I'm digging you, girl, you got the look\nRiding the night, you know that she's dynamite, come on\nDynamite, dynamite\n\nIn the Givenchy, five seventy five, in the Givenchy\nYou know, baby, you've got that dynamite\nBaby, I want your dynamite\nBaby, you've got that dynamite\nBaby, I want your dynamite\nYou might also like[Chorus]\nWell, you sure got the look, that the good times come for free\nBaby I'm not expensive, but tonight you're taking me\nYou sure got the look, when you're riding next to me\nDynamite, dynamite\nYou sure got the look, got to keep you on my hook\nPussycat eyes, I'm digging you, girl, you got the look\nRiding the night, you know that she's dynamite, come on\nDynamite, dynamite\n\nAll this dynamite\nDynamite, dynamite\nUnder the moon as we slip through the city streets\nDynamite, dynamite\nYou and me can believe in this happiness\nDynamite, dynamite\nUnder the moon as we slip through the city streets\nDynamite, dynamite\nUnder\nThe moon as we slip through the city streets\nDynamite, dynamite\nDynamite, dynamiteEmbed", 'default'

Feist___Gatekeeper

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'Gatekeeper LyricsWell, it\'s time to begin as the summer sets in\nIt\'s the scene you set for new lovers\nYou play your part, painting in a new start\nBut each gate will open another\n\nJune, July and August said\n"It\'s probably hard to plan ahead"\nJune, July and August said\n"It\'s better to bask in each others"\n\nGatekeeper, seasons wait for your nod\nGatekeeper, you held your breath\nMade the summer go on and on\nWell, they tried to stay in from the cold and wind\nMaking love and making their dinner\nOnly to find that the love\nThat they grew in the summer froze\n\nFebruary, April said\n"Don\'t be fooled by the summer again"\nFebruary, April said\n"That half of the year, well, we\'ll never be friends"\n\nGatekeeper, seasons wait for your nod\nGatekeeper, you held your breath\nMade the winter go on and on\n\nGatekeeper, gatekeeper\nGatekeeper, seasons wait for your nodYou might also like1Embed', 'default'

Hole___Malibu

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"Malibu Lyrics[Verse 1]\nCrash and burn\nAll the stars explode tonight\nHow'd you get so desperate?\nHow'd you stay alive?\nHelp me, please\nBurn the sorrow from your eyes\nOh, come on be alive again\nDon't lay down and die\n\n[Chorus]\nHey, hey\nYou know what to do\nOh, baby, drive away\nTo Malibu\n[Verse 2]\nGet well soon\nPlease don't go any higher\nHow are you so burnt\nWhen you're barely on fire?\nCry to the angels\nI'm gonna rescue you\nI'm gonna set you free tonight, baby\nPour over me\n\n[Chorus]\nHey, hey\nWe're all watching you\nOh, baby, fly away\nTo Malibu\nCry to the angels\nAnd let them swallow you\nGo and part the sea, yeah\nIn Malibu\n\n[Bridge]\nAnd the sun goes down\nI watch you slip away\nAnd the sun goes down\nI walk into the waves\nAnd the sun goes down\nI watch you slip away\nAnd I would\nYou might also like[Interlude]\nAnd I knew love would tear you apart\nOh, and I knew the darkest secret of your heart\n\n[Chorus]\nHey, hey\nI'm gonna follow you\nOh baby, fly away, yeah\nTo Malibu\nOceans of angels\nOceans of stars\nDown by the sea\nIs where you drown your scars\n\n[Outro]\nI can't be near you\nThe light just radiates\nI can't be near you\nThe light just radiates5Embed", 'default'

Idlewild___The_Space_Between_All_Things

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"The Space Between All Things LyricsAll the walls of your house\nWere painted in deep blue\nYou're at that indecisive age to choose colours that reflect you\nAnd everything and nothing\nIs in the space between all things\nThat fascinates as much as it agitates\nWords turn me into what I say\nAs you pull your yellow stained fingers\nThrough your unkempt hair\nI noticed that the corners of your jeans\nWere folded neatly into squares\nYour thoughts are the strangest place that you've ever been\nStranger even than Los Angeles\nIt's like a cinema where they never ask you to leave\nSo I wait and I wait\nAnd concentrate on being as far away\nFrom fate so I wait\nAnd concentrate on being as far away\n\nShe had a north Atlantic film star grace\nThat's why her tears are out of place\nThat kind of sadness has more style\nSo nothing will make her smile\nExcept as soon as anything happens\nShe'll drag me on the street\nAnd hand in hand we stand protesting\nWhile everyone is still asleep\n\nSo I wait and I wait\nAnd concentrate on being as far away\nFrom fate so I wait\nAnd concentrate on being as far away\n\nSo I wait and I wait\nAnd concentrate on being as far away\nFrom fate so I wait\nAnd concentrate on being as far away\n\nI wait\nI wait\nI wait\nI wait...You might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Christina_Aguilera___You_Are_What_You_Are_Beautiful

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"You Are What You Are Beautiful Lyrics[Verse 1]\nEvery day is so wonderful\nThen suddenly it's hard to breathe\nNow and then I get insecure from all the pain\nI'm so ashamed\nEvery day is so wonderful\nThen suddenly it's hard to breathe\nNow and then I get insecure from all the pain\nI'm so ashamed\nEvery day is so wonderful\nThen suddenly it's hard to breathe\nNow and then I get insecure from all the pain\nI'm so ashamed\nEvery day is so wonderful\nThen suddenly it's hard to breathe\nNow and then I get insecure from all the pain\nI'm so ashamed\n[Chorus]\nYou are what you are\nYou are beautiful no matter what they say\nNo matter what they say\nNo matter what they say, no matter what they\nYou are what you are\nWe are beautiful no matter what they say\nNo matter what they say\nNo matter what they say, no matter what they\n\n[Verse 2]\nTo all your friends, you're delirious\nSo consumed in all your doom\nTrying hard to fill the emptiness\nThe pieces gone, left undone\n\n[Chorus]\nYou are what you are\nYou are beautiful no matter what they say\nNo matter what they say\nNo matter what they say, no matter what they\nYou are what you are\nWe are beautiful no matter what they say\nNo matter what they say\nNo matter what they say, no matter what they\nSee Christina Aguilera LiveGet tickets as low as $70You might also like[Verse 3]\nNo matter what we do\nNo matter what we say\nWe're the song inside the tune\nFull of beautiful mistakes\nAnd everywhere we go\nThe sun will always shine\nBut tomorrow we might awake\nOn the other side\nAnd everywhere we go\nThe sun will always shine3Embed", 'default'

Chris_Cornell___Sweet_Euphoria

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"Sweet Euphoria Lyrics[Verse]\nSweet euphoria\nMine is the heart you own\nYou lost the grace of the hands that harmed you\nIn the daze of a thousand yawns\nLost my love, as it is I'm truly gone\n\nIn your morning I will sleep\nFire on an open palm\nDeath for Jesus and plastic armies\nWouldn't bring me back again\nSweet as ether eyes I'm blind to them\n[Chorus]\nAnd in your aching hour\nTime wilts like flowers\nSleeping on land-mine pillows\nTired angels\nSave my love for the lasting one\n\n[Verse 2]\nSweet euphoria\nMine is heart you stole\nTouched and broken are the things you love\nUsing stars to light your candles\nWarms my face but I can't remember yours\n\n[Chorus]\nGone are your dandelions\nFalling like mine\nFalling like daydream mangos\nDiving swallows\nSave my love, save my love\nSave my love for the lasting one\nSweet EuphoriaYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Book_Of_Love___Candy_Carol

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'Candy Carol LyricsSugar lips\nCaroling\nSugar lips\nCaroling\nAngels we have heard on high\nHelp renew our faith\nJust like candy to our eyes\nSweet to the taste\n\nSugar lips\nCaroling\nFrangiapani operandi land\nSugar lips\nCaroling\nFrangiapani operandi land\nAngels we have heard on high\nHelp renew our faith\nJust like candy to our ears\nSweet to the taste\nSugar lips\nSugar lipsYou might also likeEmbed', 'default'

Her_Space_Holiday___The_Ringing_in_My_Ears

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"The Ringing in My Ears LyricsThink about those books you read and I wonder if they make you think about me\nMaybe if the hero dies or kisses other girls and tries to justify his reasons why\n\nSet the stage for make believe, I said I'm not your father and I'll never leave\nI'll just stay and make it worse and keep your life from going on it's natural course\n\nThink about those songs you play and wonder if the words help you to stay\nMaybe if the melody is filled with both the pain and the ecstasy of loving meYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Baby_Bash__Perla_Cruz__Russell_Lee___Shorty_DooWop

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"Shorty DooWop Lyrics[Hook: Russell Lee]\nThat's my shorty, doowop\nYeah that's my shorty, doowop\nI love the things you do\nThat's my shorty, doowop\nAnd I can't wait, to be alone with you\n\n[Baby Bash]\nI bet you never seen a shorty so fly\nPushing candy paint, with the chrome chopping by\nThrowing up playa ways, to my partnas on the block\nThey all show love, to my shorty doowop\nIn the juicy fruit jeans, bumping three fifteens\nLiving every fantasy, a ghetto girl dreams\nWatch her swang and bang, as she bend another corner\nLooking way cool, coming through with the doja\nNow after two honey buns, I discovered the buzz\nI'mma call the shorty, she gon color me love\nAnd through the thick of it all, she excepted collect calls\nWhen her daddy, got caught up by the laws\n[Hook: Russell Lee]\n\n[Baby Bash]\nFor real do', for real do', for real do'\nShe the girl in the movie, and I'm the hero\nStuck with me, when I violated p-role\nAnd came up, when she started with zero\nBaby Bash, Latino Robert Deniro\nShe got with me, cause her hubby was a weirdo\nAnd yes sir, she looking so mighty mighty\nLove it cause I'm fresh, and clean and so tighty\nThe last piece to the puzzle, the grind the hustle\nRespect when I'm good, and love me when I'm in trouble\nAnd yes sir, oh no\nAnd yes sir, she looking so throwed\n\n[Hook: Russell Lee]\n\n[Perla Cruz]\nI can't wait, to be alone with you\nCause you the only boo, who do the freaky things you do\nYou keep me feeling high, you keep my drama low\nYeah I'm your shorty boo, but you already know\n\n[Hook: Russell Lee]You might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Boyzone___Baby_Can_I_Hold_You

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'Baby Can I Hold You Lyrics[Verse 1]\n"Sorry", is all that you can\'t say\nYears gone by and still\nWords don\'t come easily\nLike "sorry" like "sorry", like "sorry"\n\n[Verse 2]\n"Forgive me", is all that you can\'t say\nYears gone by and still\nWords don\'t come easily\nLike "forgive me" "forgive me" Forgive me\n[Chorus]\nBut you can say, baby\nBaby, can I hold you tonight?\nBaby, if I told you the right words\nOooh, at the right time\nYou\'ll be mine\n\n[Verse 3]\n"I love you", is all that you can\'t say\nYears gone by and still\nWords don\'t come easily\nWords don\'t come easily\nLike "I love you", "I love you"\n\n[Chorus]\nBut you can say, baby\nBaby, can I hold you tonight?\nBaby, if I told you the right words\nOooh, at the right time\nYou\'ll be mine\n\n[Outro]\nBaby, can I hold you\nBaby, can I hold you tonight?\nBaby, if I told you the right words\nOooh, at the right time\nYou\'ll be mine\nBaby, if I told you\nBaby, can I hold you You\'ll be mine\nBaby, if I told you\nBaby, can I hold you You\'ll be mine\nBaby, if I told you\nBaby, can I hold youYou might also likeEmbed', 'default'

Carbon_Leaf___Changeless

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"Changeless LyricsCall my friends\nTo share some wine\nTo share some laughs\nAnd last goodbyes\nMy photographs\nOf these years\nWill make me laugh\nThrough the tears\n\nAnd what are the odds?\nWhat are the odds this ends and we don't meet again?\nWhat are the odds?\nWhat are the odds that I will miss your smile?\nTake a while, take a while\nTake care and\nFly away and see the world\nTake a while, take a while\nTake time and\nIf you need rest I'll keep your nest\nChangeless\n\nLet fondness be our souvenir\nTo keep it warm it we'll keep it near\nOtherwise with no heart to recall\nA memory's just a memory after all\n\nI will not leave this pulse alone\nThought it may take the long way home\nI will not wait til the end\nFor my applause for you my friend\n\nAnd what are the odds?\nWhat are the odds this ends and we don't meet again?\nWhat are the odds?\nWhat are the odds that I will miss your smile?\n\nTake a while, take a while\nTake care and\nFly away and see the world\nTake a while, take a while\nTake time and\nIf you need rest I'll keep your nest\nChangelessYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Joe_Bonamassa___If_Heartaches_Were_Nickels

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"If Heartaches Were Nickels LyricsI wish you could see me\nAll broken down this way\nBut even if you saw me, baby\nI know I still couldn't make you stay\nCouldn't make you stay\n\nYou know about the high cost of loving\nBut someday, someday\nYou're gonna have to pay\nGonna have to pay\nOh, a woman like you needs fine things\nAnd I knew it from the start\nAnd I don't have much to offer\nJust this old broken heart, hey baby\nJust this old broken heart\nBut if heartaches were nickels\nI wouldn't be here crying in the dark\n\nIf wine and pills were hundred dollar\nBills, I might keep you satisfied\nAnd if broken dreams were limousines\nI might take you for a ride\n\nAnd all I can do is think of you\nAnd wish you were here by my side\nYes, if heartaches were nickels\nI'd be the richest fool alive\n\nIf wine and pills were hundred dollar\nBills, I might keep you satisfied\nOh if broken dreams were limousines\nI might take you for a ride\n\nBut all I can do is think of you\nAnd wish you were here by my side\nOh, if heartaches were nickels\nI'd be the richest fool alive\nI'd be the richest fool aliveSee Joe Bonamassa LiveGet tickets as low as $60You might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Japandroids___Wet_Hair

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"Wet Hair LyricsShe had wet hair\nSay what you will\nI don't care\nI couldn't resist it\n\nThese girls are all Bikini Kill\nWe need a ride to bikini island\nWe run the gauntlet\nMust get to France\nSo we can French kiss some French girlsYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Bright_Eyes___Army_In_The_White_Coat

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'Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back script LyricsJAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK\n\nScreenplay by\n\nKevin Smith\n\n\n\nOVER BLACK WE SEE:\n\nCHYRON\nA long time ago, in front of a convenience store far, far\naway--\n\nEXT. QUICK STOP YEARS AGO--DAY\n\nWe FADE IN on the block of stores Quick Stop/RST, from\nsometime ago, In fact, RST isn\'t RST; it\'s THE RECORD RACK --\na 45\'s store with head shop paraphernalia in the window. A\nwhite-trash MOTHER maybe seventeen wearing a baseball cap\ncomes into frame carrying a chubby BABY. The Baby wears an\noversized t-shirt under what looks like a little bathrobe,\nand messily eats a CHOCOLATE BAR. There are food stamps in\nthe Mother\'s hands.\n\nMOTHER\nBobby-Boy stay here while mommy picks\nup the free cheese, \'kay?\n\nShe looks up at the bright sun, shielding her eyes slightly,\nthen looks back at the baby on the ground. She takes off her\nbaseball cap and places it on the baby.\n\nMOTHER\nThis\'ll keep the sun out of your\neyes. You be good now.\nShe walks away, leaving the baby sitting against the wall.\nWith the backwards baseball cap and the chocolate around his\nmouth forming something that resembles a beard, the kid looks\nkind of familiar.\n\nThen, another MOTHER also very young decked out in a KISS\nconcert shirt from years gone by and huge, feathered hair\nenters, with a black skullcap wearing BABY slung at her hip.\nShe sees the first Baby, sitting against the wall and sets\nher Baby down beside him.\n\nMOTHER\nDon\'t fucking move, you little shit-\nmachine. Mommy\'s gonna try to score.\n\nA PASSERBY enters, heading toward the convenience store. He\ntakes note of the Babies and the Mother heading into the\nrecord store, and then stops and addresses her, disgusted.\n\nPASSERBY\nExcuse me--who\'s watching these\nbabies?\n\nMOTHER\nThe fat one\'s watching the little\none.\nPASSERBY\nOh, nice parenting.\nwalking away\nLeave\'em out here like that and see\nwhat happens.\n\nThe Passerby walks away. The Mother flips him the bird.\n\nMOTHER\nFUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING SQUARE!\n\nPASSERBY\nwaving her off\nAh, keep on truckin\'.\n\nMOTHER\nto baby\nD\'jou hear the crazy fuck tellin\' me\nhow to fuckin\' raise you?\nMotherfucker, man! Who\'s he fucking\nthink he is? What\'s the worse fuckin\'\nthing could happen to you sitting\noutside the fuckin\' stores? Fuck!\n\nThe door closes, and the Babies sit there quietly for a beat.\nThen, they look at each other. The larger one says nothing.\nThe smaller one says--\n\nBABY\nFuck, fuck, fuck...\n\nDISSOLVE TO:\n\nTHE PRESENT\n\nJAY and SILENT BOB stand where the Babies sat. The Record\nRack is now RST VIDEO.\n\nJay is mid-chant.\n\nJAY\nas a chant\n--fuck, fuck, fuck, mother-mother\nfuck, mother-mother fuck-fuck! Mother-\nfuck-, mother-fuck, mother-fuck,\nnoinch, noinch, noinch, smoking weed,\nsmoking weed, doing coke, drinking\nbeers! Drinking beers, beers, beers,\nrolling fatties, smoking blunts! Who\nsmokes the blunts? We smoke the\nblunts!\n\nA pair of TEENS approach them.\n\nTEEN 1\nLemme get a nickel bag.\n\nJAY\nFifteen bucks, little man. Put that\nshit in my hand. If the money does\nnot show, then you owe-me-owe-me-\nowe.\nchanging up to Morris\nDay\nMy Jungle Love! Yes, Oh-we-oh-we-oh!\nI think I want to know ya\', know ya\'--\n\nTEEN 1\ndigging in pockets\nWhat the hell are you singing?\n\nJAY\nYou don\'t know "Jungle Love"? That\nshit is the mad notes. Written by\nGod Herself and handed down to the\nworld\'s greatest band--the\nmotherfucking Time.\n\nTEEN 2\nThe guys in that Prince movie?\n\nTEEN 1\nPurple Rain.\n\nTEEN 2\nMan, that shit was so gay--fucking\neighties style.\n\nJay suddenly grabs the kid by the throat, throwing him against\nthe wall.\n\nJAY\nBitch, don\'t you NEVER say an unkind\nword about The Time! Me and Silent\nBob modeled our whole fucking lives\nafter Morris Day and Jerome! I\'m a\nsmooth pimp who loves the pussy, and\nTubby here\'s my black manservant!\n\nJust then, RANDAL exits the video store, locking the door\nbehind him.\n\nRANDAL\nWhat\'d I tell you two about dealing\nin front of the store? Drop the kid\nand peddle your wares someplace else,\nburn-boy.\nwalking away\nAnd for the record, The Time sucked\nass.\n\nHe exits. Jay, Silent Bob, and the Teens watch him go. After\na beat--\n\nJAY\nYo-youse guys wanna hear something\nfucked up about him and the Quick\nStop guy?\n\nINT. QUICK STOP-DAY\n\nRandal joins Dante behind the counter. Dante rings up a\ncustomer, a half-eaten submarine sandwich sitting on the\ncounter. Randal grabs it, takes a bite, and starts reading a\nnewspaper.\n\nRANDAL\nHey, can\'t we do something about\nthose two stoners hanging around\noutside all the time?\n\nDANTE\nWhy? What\'d they do now?\n\nRANDAL\nI\'m trying to watch Clash of the\nTitans, and all I can hear is the\ntwo them screaming about Morris Day\nat the top of their lungs.\n\nDANTE\nI thought the fat one didn\'t really\ntalk much.\n\nRANDAL\nWhat, am I producing an A&E Biography\nabout \'em? I\'m just saying they\nshouldn\'t be loitering around the\nstores like they do.\n\nDANTE\nNeither should you, but we let you\nstay.\n\nRANDAL\nSee, man--if you were funnier than\nthat, ABC never would\'ve canceled\nus.\n\nDANTE\nWhat?\n\nRANDAL\nNothing.\n\nEnter Teen 1 and Teen 2, chuckling.\n\nTEEN 1\nTwo packs of Wraps.\nbeat\nYo--how was the service?\n\nRANDAL\nWhat service?\n\nTEEN 2\nThe one at the Unitarian church where\nyou two got married to each other\nlast week.\n\nRANDAL\nWhat the hell are you talking about?\n\nTEEN 1\nJay said you had a Star-Wars--themed\nwedding and you guys tied the knot\ndressed like storm troopers.\n\nTEEN 2\nYeah. And he said you\'re the bitch\nand you\'re the butch. Oh, sorry--the\nLeia and the Luke.\n\nDANTE\nI\'m the bitch?!\n\nRANDAL\nWell if we were gay, that\'s how I\'d\nsee it.\n\nDANTE\nWould you shut up?!\n\nTEEN 1\nto TEEN 2\nHoly shit, dude. The honeymoon\'s\nover.\n\nDANTE\nWe\'re not married to each other.\n\nTEEN 1\nWell, sure. Not in the eyes of the\nstate or any real church, Skywalker.\n\nRANDAL\nheading for the phone\nThat does it. I\'m gonna do something\nabout those two. I shoulda done a\nlong time ago\n\nTEEN 2\nIn a galaxy far, far away!\n\nTEEN 1\nexiting\nMay the Foreskin be with you. Hand\nJabba the Hutt.\n\nRANDAL\ninto phone\nYeah, I want to report a couple of\ndrug dealers out in front of the\nQuick Stop.\n\nEXT. QUICK STOP--DAY\n\nJay and Silent Bob are thrown against the wall outside by a\nCOP, who frisks them.\n\nJAY\nWhat the Fuck, Serpico? What\'d we\ndo?\n\nCOP\nWe got a report that two guys were\nhanging around outside the stores,\nselling pot?\n\nJAY\nWe don\'t smoke pot, yo.\n\nTeen 1 enters and hands Jay rolling papers.\n\nTEEN 1\nHere\'re the rolling papers you wanted\nfor your pot. And your change. Thanks.\ngetting in Jay\'s\nface\nAnd The Time sucks ass!\n\nTeen 1 races off. Jay and Bob move to follow, but the Cop\nstops them, grabbing the rolling papers out of Jay\'s hand.\nHe eyeballs the pair.\n\nCOP\nNo pot, hunh? What do you need this\nfor?\n\nJAY\nWhat? I got a wiping problem. I\nstick these little pieces of paper\nover my brown-eye, and bam--no shit\nstains in my undies.\nunbuttoning pants\nYou don\'t believe me? Lemme show\nyou.\n\nJay drops his pants and leans against the wall, looking back\nover his shoulder.\n\nJAY\nJust spread my cheeks a little and\nyou can see the fucking stink nuggets--\n\nCOP\nPull up your pants up sir, Now!\n\nJay bends down to pull up his pants and FARTS. Silent Bob\ncracks up. The Cop grabs them both, leading them toward the\ncar.\n\nCOP\nLet\'s take a ride down to the station.\n\nJAY\nWhat? It\'s suddenly a crime to fart,\nmotherfucker?!\n\nEXT. BRODIE BRUCE\'S SECRET STASH COMIC BOOK STORE--DAY\n\nAn ESTABLISHING SHOT of Brodie\'s store in the heart of Red\nBank.\n\nBRODIE O.S.\nNo fucking way!\n\nWE GO TIGHT on the huge, cartoon sign of BRODIE outside to--\n\nINT. BRODIE BRUCE\'S SECRET STASH COMIC BOOK STORE--LATER\n\nBRODIE himself, holding a stack of comics in one hand and a\nDixie cup in the other, Jay and Silent Bob follow him as he\nputs new books in the racks.\n\nBRODIE\nDante and Randal slapped you with a\nrestraining order?!\n\nJAY\nJudge said if we go within a hundred\nfeet of the stores, we get thrown\ninto County.\n\nBRODIE\nSo you gonna abide by the court\'s\nruling or you gonna go Bandit--\nReynolds style?\n\nJAY\nFuck yeah! You know what they make\nyou do in county? Toss the fucking\nsalad! I don\'t like this fuck\'s\nasshole; I\'m gonna do it for some\nstranger?\n\nBRODIE\nI guess if you really wanted to hang\nout in from of a convenience store,\nyou could just buy your own now--\nwhat with all that money you guys\nmade.\n\nJAY\nHell yeah, bitch.\nbeat\nWait a second--what money?\n\nBRODIE\nThe money from the movie, dumb-ass.\n\nJAY\nWhat the fuck are you babbling about?\n\nBRODIE\npulling a bagged-and-\nboarded issue down\nfrom the wall\nThe Bluntman and Chronic movie.\ndawns on him\nOh my God--don\'t tell me you have no\nidea there\'s a movie being made of\nthe comic you two were the basis\nfor.\n\nJAY\nWhat?! Since when?\n\nBRODIE\nGoddamit, man--\ntaps his wrist\nHere\'s the pulse, alright. And here\'s\nyour finger--\nshoves his hand down\nthe back of his pants\n--far from the pulse, jammed straight\nup your ass.\nextracts hand and\nextends it to Jay\nSay--would you like a chocolate\ncovered pretzel?\n\nBrodie leads them back to the counter.\n\nBRODIE\nYou see, kids, if you read Wizard,\nyou\'d know it\'s the top story this\nmonth. Check it out.\n\nBrodie hands Jay and Silent Bob a copy of Wizard, opened to\nthe headline: Snootchie Bootchies! Bluntman and Chronic Get\nBig Screen Treatment! There are pictures of HOLDEN MCNEIL\nAND BANKY EDWARDS, as well as drawings of Bluntman and\nChronic.\n\nJAY\nWhen the fuck did this happen?!\n\nBRODIE\nWell, after X-Men hit at the box\noffice, all the studios started buying\nup every comic property they could\nget their hands on. Miramax optioned\nBluntman and Chronic.\n\nJAY\nMiramax? I thought they only made\nclassy flicks like The Piano and The\nCrying Game?\n\nBRODIE\nYeah, well once they made She\'s All\nThat, everything went to hell. So\nyou\'re saying you haven\'t gotten a\ncut of the movie? Didn\'t Holden McNeil\nand Banky Edwards used to pay you\nlikeness rights for the comic book?\n\nJAY\nWe haven\'t seen a fucking dime for\nno movie!\n\nBRODIE\nWell boys, I\'m no lawyer, but I think\nHolden and Banky owe you some of the\nproverbial phat cash. I mean they\'re\nmaking a movie based on characters\nthat are based on you and Quiet\nRobert.\n\nJAY\nIt ain\'t me and Quiet Robert. It\'s a\npair of stupid-ass superheroes that\nrun around saying "Snitchy-Nitchies"\nor something.\n\nBRODIE\nI believe it "Snootchie Boochies."\nRegardless--you\'re getting screwed.\nIf I was you guys, I\'d confront Holden\nMcNeil and ask him for my movie check.\n\nJAY\nShit yeah. We gotsa get paid.\n\nBRODIE\nAnd on that note, we cue the music.\n\nJay lays down a House bass beat. Brodie complements it with\nhis own beat.\n\nEXT. POTZER\'S INC--DAY\n\nJay and Silent Bob mosey past the front door of the building\nand knock.\n\nINT. POTZER\'S INC--DAY\n\nHolden McNeil, opens the door and smiles.\n\nHOLDEN\nWell! I have been waiting years to\ndo this.\nsmiles\nLook at these morose motherfuckers\nright here. Smells like someone shit\nin their cereal. Bunngg!\n\nJay and Silent Bob enter. Holden closes the door, following\nthem.\n\nJAY\nWhat the fuck took you so long\nanswering your damn door? You trying\nto talk another girlfriend of yours\ninto some of that gay-ass three-way\naction with your buddy?\n\nHOLDEN\nNo, I was just showering your mother\'s\nstink off me after I gave her a quick\njump and sent her home. But now that\nyou mention it--\nto Bob\nThanks, you know. You could\'ve made\nthe moral of that story you told me\na bit more clear.\n\nSilent Bob shrugs.\n\nHOLDEN\nSo what brings you two dirt merchants\nto my neck of the woods?\n\nJAY\nOh, I\'ll tell you what our necks are\ndoing in your woods--\n\nSilent Bob holds up the Wizard article.\n\nJAY\nWhere\'s our motherfucking movie check?\n\nHOLDEN\nYou heard about that too, Hunh? Well,\nI\'ve got nothing to do with it. That\'s\nBanky\'s deal. He owns the property\nnow. I signed my half of the Bluntman\nand Chronic right over to him years\nago.\n\nJAY\nWhy the fuck would you do a thing\nlike that?\n\nHOLDEN\nBecause I\'m almost thirty, for God\'s\nsake--why on earth would I want to\nkeep writing about characters whose\ncentral preoccupations are weed and\ndick and fart jokes? You gotta grow,\nman. Don\'t you ever want more for\nyourself?\noff Silent Bob\nI know this poor, hapless sonovabitch\ndoes. I look in his doe eyes and I\nsee a man crying out, "When, Lord?\nWhen the fuck can your servant ditch\nthis foul-mouthed little chucklehead\nto whom I am a constant victim of\nhis folly, and who bombards me and\nthose around us with grade-A\nfoolishness that prevents me from\neven getting to kiss a girl? Fuck!\nWhen?!\n\nSilent Bob nod like he\'s finally understood. Jay looks at\nhim, hurt, and Bob tried to downplay the comment\'s truth.\n\nJAY\nI\'m the chucklehead? Fuck you--you\'re\nthe dumb-ass who gave away his comic,\nand now you ain\'t got no fat movie\ncheck neither.\n\nHOLDEN\nWhen you\'re right, you\'re right. I\nwish I\'d broken off a little piece\nfor myself. Because if the buzz is\nany indication, the movie\'s gonna\nmake some huge bank.\n\nJAY\nWhat buzz?\n\nHOLDEN\nThe Internet buzz.\n\nJAY\nWhat the fuck is the Internet?\n\nINT. OFFICE OF POTZER\'S INC--LATER\n\nHolden\'s at a computer terminal. Jay and Silent bob look\nover his shoulder.\n\nHOLDEN\nThe Internet is a communication device\nthat allows people the world over to\nbitch about movies and share\npornography with one another.\noff monitor\nHere\'s what we\'re looking for: "Movie\nPoopShoot.com"\n\nJAY\nto Bob\n"PoopChute." Yeaaahhh.\n\nHOLDEN\nThis is a site full of militant movie\nbuffs: sad bastards who live in their\nparents\' basements, downloading\nscripts and trading what they believe\nto be inside info about movies and\nactors they despise yet can\'t stop\ndiscussing. This is where you go if\nyou wanna hear frustrated would-be\nfilmmakers mouth off with their two-\nbit, arm-chair-director\'s opinions\non how they all could\'ve made a better\nEpisode One.\n\nOn the computer monitor, we see the site mainpage load up.\nHolden begins navigating the site.\n\nHOLDEN\nHere. This is about the Bluntman\nmovie.\nreading\n"Inside sources tell me Miramax is\nstarting production this Friday on\ntheir adaptation of underground comic\nfave Bluntman and Chronic."\n\nJAY\nFriday?! Shit. Does it say who\'s\nplaying us in the movie?\n\nHOLDEN\nNo, but if it\'s Miramax, I\'m sure\nit\'ll be Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.\nThey put\'em in a bunch of movies.\n\nJAY\nWho?\n\nHOLDEN\nYou know--the guys from Good Will\nHunting.\n\nJAY\nYou mean the fucking movie with Mork\nfrom Ork in it?\n\nHOLDEN\nYeah, I\'m not too big a fan either.\nThough Affleck was the bomb in\nPhantoms.\n\nJAY\nWord, bitch. Phantoms like a\nmotherfucker.\n\nHolden and Jay slap hands. Holden points at the monitor again.\n\nHOLDEN\nNow down here is where you can gauge\nthe buzz. This is the Shoot Back\narea. It\'s where people who read the\nnews get to chime in with their two\ncents. Here\'s what a guy who goes by\nthe chick-magnet Net handle of "Wampa-\nOne" thinks about Bluntman and\nChronic.\nreading\n"Bluntman and Chronic and their stupid\nalter egos Jay and Silent Bob only\nwork in small doses, if at all. They\ndon\'t deserve their own movie."\nto Jay\nHe\'s got a point.\n\nJAY\nFuck him. What\'s the next one say?\n\nHOLDEN\nreading\n"Bluntman and Chronic is the worst\ncomic I ever read. Jay and Silent\nBob are stupid characters. A couple\nof stoners who spout dumb-ass\ncatchphrases like a third-rate Cheech\nand Chong or Bill and Ted. Fuck Jay\nand Silent Bob. Fuck them up their\nstupid asses."\n\nJAY\nWho the fuck said that shit?!\n\nHOLDEN\nA guy who calls himself "Magnolia-\nFan." Check out what the guy after\nhim said: "Jay and Silent Bob are\nterrible, one-note jokes that only\nstoners laugh at. They\'re fucking\nclown shoes. If they were real, I\'d\nbeat the shit out of them for being\nso stupid. I can\'t believe Miramax\nwould have anything to so with this\nshit. I, for one, will be boycotting\nthis movie. Who\'s with me?"\nleans back\nAnd then there are about fifty more\nposts from people who agree to join\nSpartacus-here\'s boycott of the flick.\n\nJAY\ngrimly\nI\'m gonna kill all these fucks--\n\nHOLDEN\nAh, let it go. Number one, they\'re a\nbunch of jealous little dicks who\nuse the anonymity of the Net to insult\npeople who\'re doing what they wish\nthey were doing, and number two,\nthey\'re not really talking about you\nguys--they talking about Bluntman\nand Chronic.\n\nJAY\nBut they said Jay and Silent Bob!\nThey used our real names. It doesn\'t\nmatter that there\'s a comic book\nversion of us and a real version,\n\'cause nobody knows we\'re real in\nreal life.\n\nHOLDEN\nReally.\n\nJAY\nYeah! And all these people who read\nthat shit think the real Jay and\nSilent Bob are a couple of faggots\n\'cause of that all these dicks are\nwriting about the comic book Jay and\nSilent Bob! And maybe one night, me\nand Lunchbox\'ll be macking some bitch,\nand she\'ll be like "Oooo! I want to\nsuck youse guys dicks off. What\'s\nyour names?" And I\'ll be like, "Jay\nand Silent Bob." And she\'ll be like,\n"Oh--I read on the Internet that\nyouse guys were little fucking\njerkoffs." And then she goes and\nsucks two other guys\'s dicks off\ninstead! Well fuck that! We gotta\nput a stop to these hateful sonsa-\nbitches before they ruin our good\nnames!\n\nHOLDEN\nFirst off, I don\'t know how good\nyour names really are. Secondly,\nthere\'s not much you can do about\nstopping this bile. The Internet\'s\ngiven everyone in America a voice,\nand everyone in American has chosen\nto use that voice to bitch about\nmovies. As long as there\'s a Bluntman\nand Chronic movie, the Net-nerds are\ngonna have something negative to say\nabout it. Jay steams, thinking.\nThen, a light dawns on him.\n\nJAY\nBut wait a second--if there wasn\'t a\nBluntman and Chronic movie, then no\none would be saying shit about Jay\nand Silent Bob, right?\n\nHOLDEN\nThey\'re not saying anything about\nyou now--they\'re talking about\nfictional characters!\n\nJAY\noblivious to Holden;\nto Bob\nSo all we gotta do is stop \'em from\nmaking the movie!\n\nHOLDEN\nYeah, and kiss-off the hundreds of\nthousands of dollars in royalties\nyou\'re due in the process. Are you\nfucking retarded? Look, I\'m probably\nnot alone in the opinion that this\nflick is the worst idea since Greedo\nshooting first. I mean, a Jay and\nSilent Bob movie? Who would pay to\nsee that?\n\nHolden, Jay and Silent Bob pause and look at the camera for\na beat. Then--\n\nHOLDEN\nBut since it is happening, you might\nas well just ignore the idiots on\nthe Internet, go find Banky, and get\nyour "motherfucking movie check." As\nyou so succinctly put it. That\'s\nwhat\'s important here.\n\nJAY\nNo, Holden McNeil--what\'s important\nhere is that there\'s a bunch of\nmotherfuckers we don\'t even know\ncalling us assholes on the Internet\nto a bunch of teenagers and guys who\ncan\'t even get laid. Putting a stop\nto that is the most important thing\nwe could ever do.\noff monitor\nWhen did it say they\'re making that\nmovie?\n\nHOLDEN\nThey start this Friday.\n\nJAY\nSo if today\'s Tuesday, that gives us--\ncounts\nEight days.\n\nHOLDEN\nIt\'s more like three days.\n\nJAY\nRight. Three days to stop that stupid\nfucking movie from getting made!\nC\'mon, Silent Bob--\n\nJay and Bob stand and look at each other, filled with purpose.\n\nJAY\nWe\'re going to Hollywood.\n\nThey stride off. Holden shakes his head.\n\nHOLDEN\nNow that\'s what I call the Blunt\nleading the Blunt.\n\nEXT. BUS STATION--DAY\n\nJay and Silent Bob approach a bus that\'s labeled "Los\nAngeles." They nod at each other and then climb aboard. After\na beat, they re-emerge.\n\nJAY\nTickets? Since when did they start\ncharging for the bus?\n\nThey head toward the depot.\n\nJAY\nDidn\'t we used to ride that shit to\nschool every day for free?\n\nEXT. HIGHWAY--DAY\n\nThe bus roars past a sign that read: Leaving New Jersey.\n\nINT. BUS--SAME\n\nJay makes his way up to the DRIVER.\n\nJAY\nWe in Hollywood yet?\n\nDRIVER\nIt\'s a three--day ride to Los Angeles,\nsir. We left twenty minutes ago.\n\nJAY\nI didn\'t ask you about Los Angeles.\nI asked you about Hollywood.\n\nDRIVER\nHollywood\'s in Los Angeles, sir.\n\nJAY\nDon\'t change the subject! Are we in\nHollywood yet or not?\n\nDRIVER\nPlease sit down, sir.\n\nJay glares at the Driver and heads back to his seat.\n\nJAY\nWhy don\'t you take your seat Ralph\nKramden--\n\nJay slumps into the seat beside Silent Bob.\n\nJAY\nI\'m fucking bored, man. There ain\'t\nshit to so on this bus.\n\nSilent Bob mimes jerking off.\n\nJAY\nI already did that. Twice.\n\nSilent Bob shrugs, looking out the window, Jay looks across\nthe aisle and spots a CHILD IN A HELMET playing a handheld\nvideo game. He leans over to him.\n\nJAY\nYo, Gretzky--lemme get a turn.\n\nCHILD\nLeave me alone, little kid.\n\nThe Child gives him the finger. Jay goes wide-eyed, turning\nto Silent Bob.\n\nJAY\nThat fuck called me a little kid and\ngave me the finger! Go kick his ass!\n\nSilent Bob offers an incredulous look, as if to say, "He\'s\nten years old."\n\nJAY\nYou\'re my muscle, ain\'tcha?\n\nSilent Bob kind of nods.\n\nJAY\nSo go open a can of whup-ass on that\nlittle fuck, and get me his game!\n\nSilent Bob sighs and stands. He climbs over Jay into the\naisle and stands in front of the child. He looks at him and\nregisters doubt. He looks back to Jay, who waves him on.\n\nSilent Bob steels himself, looks back to the kid and reaches\nfor his game. The Child emits a high-pitched scream and starts\npunching himself in the head. Silent Bob dives back into his\nseat, trying to look nonchalant. The Child stops crying. Jay\nlooks at Silent Bob.\n\nJAY\nYou\'re one tough motherfucker, you\nknow that?\n\nEXT. HIGHWAY--DAY\n\nThe bus pulls over by the side of the road.\n\nINT. BUS--DAY\n\nThe Bus Driver heads down the aisle toward the back of the\nbus, followed by pissed-off PASSENGERS.\n\nPASSENGER\nThey been in there going on half an\nhour now! Two of them! Doing God\nknows what!\n\nThe Bus Driver bangs on the bathroom door and shouts.\n\nDRIVER\nThis bus isn\'t moving another inch\nunless you clear out of there right\nnow!\n\nNo answer. The Bus Driver bangs on the door harder.\n\nDRIVER\nDO YOU HEAR ME?! OPEN THIS DOOR!\nNOW!!\n\nThe door handle turns, the door swings wide, and massive\namounts of smoke suddenly billow through the back of the\nbus. The smoke clears to reveal Jay and Silent Bob squeezed\ninto the bathroom, holding a massive joint.\n\nJAY\nUm--I think something\'s burning back\nhere.\n\nEXT. ROADSIDE--LATER\n\nAs the bus pulls away, Jay and Silent Bob are revealed, left\nbehind.\n\nJAY\nThe whole fucking world\'s against\nus, dude. I swear to God.\n\nSilent Bob nods. Jay sticks out his thumb and starts hitching.\n\nEXT. ROADSIDE--LATER\n\nJay and Bob are walking backwards, hitching still.\n\nJAY\nThis sucks balls, man. How come we\nain\'t getting no rides?\n\nVOICE\n\'Cause you\'re doing it all wrong.\n\nJay and Bob look behind them. There\'s a GUY hitching as well.\n\nGUY\nYou gotta induce the drivers a little.\n\nJAY\nLike how?\n\nGUY\nLike this.\n\nThe GUY holds out his sign to them. It reads: Will Give Head\nFor Ride.\n\nJAY\nYeah, but what happens when you get\nin the car, and you don\'t make with\nthe head? Don\'t they kick your ass\nto the curb?\n\nGUY\nSure--if you don\'t make with the\nhead.\n\nJay and Bob look at him for a long beat. Then--\n\nJAY\nEww! You eat the cock?!?\n\nGUY\nYeah. If it\'ll get me a few hundred\nmiles across country. I\'ll take a\nshot in the mouth.\n\nJAY\nYeah, but we ain\'t gay.\n\nGUY\nWell, neither am I. But have you\nseen the price of bus tickets lately?\nShit--I don\'t wanna cough up two\nhundred bucks just to get to Chicago.\n\nJAY\nWell, I don\'t wanna cough up some\ndude\'s sperm!\n\nGUY\nDon\'t be so suburban--this is the\nnew millennium. Gay, straight--it\'s\nall the same now. There\'re no more\nlines.\n\nJay draws a line on the ground with his foot.\n\nJAY\nThere\'s one. On this side of it, we\nain\'t gay.\n\nGUY\nAll hitchers do this. Why do you\nthink people pick us up? If you get\na ride, it\'s expected--I don\'t care\nwho the driver is. It\'s the first\nrule in the Book.\n\nJAY\nWhat book?\n\nGUY\nThe unwritten Book of the Road.\n\nA TRUCK starts to pull over to the side of the road. The Guy\npoints to it, as if to say "See?" The passenger-side door\nopens. The Guy climbs into the truck and closes the door. He\nlooks out the window at Jay and Bob.\n\nGUY\nFollow the rules of the Book, and\nyou\'ll get where you\'re going in no\ntime. Excuse me.\n\nThrough the windshield, Jay and Silent Bob see the Guy go\nface-first into the TRUCK DRIVER\'S lap. The Truck Drivers\nsmiles, and the truck takes off, roaring down the road.\n\nJay and Silent Bob watch the truck disappear. Then, a CAR\npulls up. The NUN driving rolls down the passenger side window\nand leans toward them.\n\nNUN\nYou two boys need a ride?\n\nINT. CAR--LATER\n\nThe NUN drives, smiling. Jay and Silent Bob sit in the back\nseat, huddled close together, their eyes glued on the Nun.\n\nNUN\nYou both don\'t have to sit back there.\nOne of you can sit up here with me.\n\nSilent Bob shakes his head "no" to Jay. Jay shrugs and climbs\nup front.\n\nNUN\nSo where are you boys from?\n\nJAY\nNew Jersey.\n\nNUN\nWhat brings you to Indiana?\n\nJAY\nWe\'re going to Hollywood.\n\nNUN\nHollywood, hunh? That\'s a long ways\naway.\n\nJAY\nYeah--we\'re lucky you picked us up.\n\nNUN\nWell, do unto others. That\'s what\nthe Book says.\n\nJAY\nmisinterpreting\ncompletely\nWait a minute--you follow the Book,\ntoo?\n\nNUN\nI live my life by it.\n\nJAY\nReally? You?\n\nNUN\nOf course. You know how lonely it\ngets on the road? Thanks to the Book,\nI\'m never alone--if you know what I\nmean.\n\nJAY\nI guess. This guy back there explained\nit to us. But I didn\'t think you\'d\nbe into that.\n\nNUN\nAre you kidding? I\'ve dedicated my\nlife to it. Every hour of every day.\n\nJAY\nShit--you nuns are alright.\n\nNUN\nYou live by the Book, too?\n\nJAY\nYou picked us up, didn\'t you? I gotta.\n\nNUN\nThat\'s good to hear. But it takes\ndeed, not words. It\'s a lot easier\nto say you live by the Book than to\nactually do it.\nlooks at him\nCan you do it?\n\nJAY\nYou want me to do it right now?\n\nNUN\nNo time like the present, right?\n\nJay looks back at Silent Bob. Silent Bob shakes his head\n"no." Jay shrugs them flips his hair over his shoulder, and\nstarts to bend down.\n\nJAY\nAlright.\nhe suddenly stops\nYou hear that? She\'s not a Catholic.\nShe\'s a Presbyterian.\n\nJay disappears below the dash, The Nun goes wide-eyed.\n\nEXT. ROADSIDE--DAY\n\nThe Nun\'s car screeched to the side of the road. Jay gets\nkicked our of the front seat by the screaming Nun. Silent\nBob rushes out too, and the car races off. Jay\'s wipes his\nmouth. He pulls a long curly hair from between his teeth.\n\nJAY\nDude--she had seventies bush.\n\nEXT. HIGHWAY--NIGHT\n\nJay and Bob continue hitching.\n\nJAY\nI can\'t believe this shit. Five hours\nand not a single ride. Every day,\nmillions of people hitch to Hollywood\nand stop studios from making movies\nabout \'em. But when you and me try\nit, it\'s like we\'re trapped in a\nfucking cartoon!\n\nA familiar-looking VAN pulls up in the other side of the\nraid, The horn beeps. Jay and Bob look at each other, shrug,\nand race across the street, get in. The van pulls off.\n\nINT. VAN--NIGHT\n\nJay and Bob sit in the back of the can and stare at--\n\nA clean-cut GUY, a Bookish woman in glasses, a red headed\nBeauty, a stoner DUDE, and a GREAT DANE.\n\nJay looks at Silent Bob.\n\nJAY\nZoinks, yo\n\nGUY\nAnd now we can finally solve the\nmystery of the Hitchhiking Ghouls!\nPull off their masks and let\'s see\nwho they really are!\n\nBOOKISH\nI don\'t think they are masks.\n\nBEAUTY\nI don\'t think they\'re Hitchhiking\nGirls either.\n\nBOOKISH\nGhouls, you fucking moron. Not Girls.\nto herself\nThough I wish they were hitchhiking\ngirls. Sexy, skimpily clad hitchhiking\ngirls--\n\nGUY\nLet\'s kick them out. We\'ve got a\nmystery to solve.\n\nDUDE\nThe only mystery here is why we take\nour cues from a dick in a neckerchief!\n\nGUY\nKeep it up, Beatnik! I\'ll feed you\nto the fucking dog!\n\nBEAUTY\ncovering her ears;\nshrieking\nI CAN\'T TAKE ALL THIS FIGHTING!\n\nJAY\nYO!\n\nThe Gang look to Jay and Bob.\n\nJAY\nYouse guys need to turn those frowns\nupside down! And we got just the\nthing for that.\npulls out a bag of\njoints\nWe call them Doobie Snax.\n\nINT. VAN--WEED VISION\n\nAs Jay and Bob toke up, we go all SLO-MO and 70\'s freaky\nwith the image seeming to SWIM. Through their stoned haze,\nwe see old-school witches, skeletons, and ghouls swirling\nabout their heads--the latter of which gets his mask taken\noff to reveal a man inside a costume.\n\nJay and Bob look at the gang, then take a hit off their joint\nand look back. Suddenly, the gang\'s engaged in total\ndebauchery: the Dude rides the windshield while the Guy\ncackles insanely, blindfolded by his neckerchief. Bookish\nand Beauty are in their underwear, making out with each other.\nThe Great Dane looks at Jay and Bob and says--\n\nGREAT DANE\nRi, Ray rand Rirent Rob\n\nThe Great Dane rolls over, revealing its RED THING sticking\nway out of its sheath. It\'s monstrous. Jay and Bob go wide-\neyed.\n\nJAY\nLook at his fuckin\' lipstick!!! He\'s\ngot a stoner-boner!!!\n\nJay and Bob smile and pass out.\n\nWe cut back to the gang, who now appear as they did prior to\nWeed-Vision. They stare at the O.C. Jay and Bob.\n\nBEAUTY\nI think they passed out.\n\nGUY\nGreat. What do we do with them now?\n\nDUDE\nLet\'s cut out their kidneys to sell\non the black market and leave them\nin a seedy motel bathtub full of\nice.\n\nBOOKISH\nOh God, not again?\n\nINT. SEEDY MOTEL BATHROOM--NIGHT\n\nJay lies in a bathtub full of ice, screaming. There\'s a scar\non his back.\n\nEXT. KANSAS CITY PARK--DAY\n\nJay wakes up suddenly, screaming. He startles Bob awake as\nwell, as he clutched at this back lifting his shirt to see\nthe scar. It\'s not there.\n\nJAY\nHoly shit, I had a horrible dream.\nlooks around\nYo, I\'m hungry. Where can we get\nsome breakfast?\n\nBob looks around, and then locks on something O.C. He points,\nand Jay looks, smiles widely, and nods.\n\nEXT. MOOBY\'S FAST FOOD JOINT--DAY\n\nAn ESTABLISHING SHOT of the fast food eatery, as Jay and Bob\nenter.\n\nINT. MOOBY\'S FAST FOOD JOINT--SAME\n\nAs the pair head for the counter, Jay notices a public\nINTERNET TERMINAL. He tugs at Silent Bob\'s arm.\n\nJAY\nYo--check that shit out: the Internet.\nLet\'s see if those fucks said\nsomething new about us and that stupid\nflick.\n\nBob shrugs, heading for the terminal. He inserts a dollar\nand types, following it up with a mouse click. The pair look\nat the screen and go wide-eyed.\n\nJAY\n"Any movie based on Jay and Silent\nBob is gonna lick balls, because\nthey both, in fact, lick balls. Namely\neach other\'s."\n\nJay and Silent Bob look at each other, wide-eyed.\n\nJAY\nEww.\nreading further\n"Yes--they are real people. Real\nstupid people. Signed, Darth Randal."\nto Bob\nMotherfucker! It\'s time we wrote\nsomething back! Type this shit down.\n\nSilent Bob starts typing as Jay dictates.\n\nJAY\nAll you motherfuckers are gonna pay.\nYou are the ones who are the ball-\nlickers. We\'re gonna fuck your\nmothers whole you watch and cry like\nlittle bitches. Once we get to\nHollywood and find those Miramax\nfucks who are making the movie, we\'re\ngonna make \'em eat our shit, then\nshit our shit, then eat their shit\nwhich is made of our shit that we\nmade \'em eat. Then all you\nmotherfuckers are next. Love, Jay\nand Silent Bob.\n\nSilent Bob finishes typing and presses "Return". He and Jay\nnod at each other, then head over to the counter line, looking\nup at the menu board.\n\nJAY\nThat\'ll fucking show \'em. Now we eat\nour Egga-Mooby-Muffins, then get\nback on the road, get to Hollywood,\nand stop that fucking movie from\ngetting made. No more hairy-bush\nnuns, no more dogs. We keep our eye\non the prize, and not let nothing--\nand I mean NOTHING--distract me.\n\nAs Jay finishes speaking, he looks to the O.C. doors and\nfreezes. A gorgeous GIRL walks through the front doors, all\nin SLO-MO to the tune of Prince\'s The Most Beautiful Girl in\nthe World. She\'s bathed in light, glowing.\n\nShe bats her eyelashes, gliding toward us.\n\nJay is mouth-agape wide eyed. Silent Bob looks at him, then\nat the O.C.Girl. He slowly waves his hand in front of Jay\'s\neyes, getting zero response.\n\nJAY\'S POV\n\nThe Girl smiles at us. His POV goes from her face, down to\nher breasts, then down to her crotch.\n\nJay moves past Silent Bob and meets the Girl in the middle\nof the floor. He embraces her and lands a long, sweet kiss\non her mouth. After a beat, he starts fumbling like a teenager\nto get to second base under her shirt, totally incongruous\nwith the music. The Girl kindly tries to deter him.\n\nBut it\'s just a fantasy. Jay\'s still standing there next to\nSilent Bob, but he is sporting a huge BONER. Silent Bob rolls\nhis eyes. He grabs a soda cup off the counter and sticks it\nover Jay\'s boner, just as the Girl joins them in line. She\nsmiles at the zombified Jay.\n\nGIRL\noff cup\nOh my God. Do you get free refills\nwith that?\n\nJAY\nOh, what--this? I just wear this for\nprotection. You know--so no guys try\nto grab my shit.\n\nGIRL\nHi. I\'m Justice.\n\nJAY\ndreamily\nAnd I am so fucking yours--\n\nSilent Bob pokes Jay, who shakes of his daze.\n\nJAY\nI mean hi. I\'m Jay. And this is my\nhereto life-mate, Silent Bob.\n\nJUSTICE\nIt\'s nice to meet you.\n\nJAY\nJustice, hunh? That\'s a nice name.\nunder his breath, to\nBob\nJay\'n\'Justice, sitting in a tree. F-\nU-C-K-I-N-G--\nback to Justice\nSo you come here often?\n\nJUSTICE\nOh, I\'m not from around here. My\nfriends and I are taking a road trip,\nand we just stopped to grab something\nto eat.\n\nJAY\nYour friends, hunh? Where they at?\n\nJUSTICE\npointing\nOut there. By that van.\n\nJay and Bob look past Justice to see a VAN with three other\ngorgeous GIRLS stretching outside of it, throwing their hair\naround, looking incredibly sexy.\n\nWithout looking at Silent Bob, Jay quietly says to him--\n\nJAY\nDude--I think I just filled the cup.\n\nINT. VAN--DAY\n\nJay and Bob climb into the can, getting odd looks from the\nother Girls, Justice follows them in, tossing the fast food\nto her friends.\n\nJAY\nLadies, ladies, ladies! Jay and Silent\nBob are in the Hizz-ouse!!!\n\nSISSY\nWho the fuck are these guys?\n\nJUSTICE\nThis is Jay and Silent Bob.\nto Jay and Bob\nGuys, this is Sissy, Missy, and\nChrissy.\n\nCHRISSY\nWhere the fuck did they come from?\n\nJUSTICE\nI met \'em inside. They\'re gonna hitch\na ride.\n\nSISSY\nI don\'t know if that\'s such a great\nidea. Jussy.\n\nJAY\nSure it is, Juggs.\n\nMISSY\nOh my god--he just called Sissy\n"Juggs"!\n\nCHRISSY\nI\'m on it.\n\nChrissy lunges toward Jay, pulling a knife.\n\nJUSTICE\nChrissy, no!\n\nSissy stops Chrissy, shoving a burger into her hands.\n\nSISSY\nWe\'re in the middle of suburbia,\nChrissy. Let\'s try to act like it.\n\nCHRISSY\n\n}\n\n\n.\n\n\n\nAnd what-stupid ass little foul-\nmouthed bitch-boys don\'t get their\nballs cut off in suburbia?\n\nJAY\noblivious\nWhat\'s with the knife? We having\ncake or something?\n\nCHRISSY\nHoly shit--he\'s retarded, to boot.\n\nJAY\nto Silent Bob\nYo--she called you retarded.\n\nSISSY\nto Justice\nWhat\'s wrong with you, Justice? You\ndo remember where we\'re going, don\'t\nyou?\n\nMISSY\nThat we do have a job to do?\n\nJUSTICE\nThey\'re just gonna tag along for a\nfew miles. They won\'t get in the\nway, I promise.\ncutesy\nPlease?\n\nSISSY\nFine--they can ride with us. But\nthey\'re so out of here before we get\nto Boulder.\n\nJUSTICE\nHonest Injun.\n\nCHRISSY\n"Honest Injun"?\nto Sissy\nI can\'t believe what a pushover you\nare.\n\nJAY\nAnd I can\'t believe fine-ass bitches\nlike yourselves eat that shit. Don\'t\nyou know fast food makes girls fart?\n\nSuddenly, Jay and Bob are parted by BRENT, who\'s getting\ninto the van.\n\nBRENT\nSay--what\'s all this talk about\nfarting?\n\nSissy, Missy, and Chrissy immediately go from disgusted to\nsweet and airy, totally switching characters.\n\nSISSY/CHRISSY/MISSY\nHi Brent!\n\nSISSY\nThis is Brent. He\'s with us, too.\n\nCHRISSY\nBrent, tell these sillies that girls\ndon\'t fart.\n\nBRENT\nOf course they don\'t! Only skeevy\nstoners fart.\n\nThe very white Brent puts his hand out to be slapped by Jay\nand Silent Bob.\n\nBRENT\nWhat up, homies?\noff the Girls\nWow, Three guys, four girls--\nto Jay and Bob\nWhat\'s the count boys?\n\nJay and Bob look at each other and roll their eyes.\n\nEXT. HIGHWAY--DAY\n\nThe van drives down the road. We hear singing from inside.\n\nINT. VAN--DAY\n\nBrent strums a guitar and sings, as the Girls and Jay and\nBob listen, rolling eyes.\n\nBRENT\nHey there mister science-guy. Don\'t\nspray that aerosol in my eye. For I\ndon\'t really want to die. I\'m a noble\nrabbit!\n\nJAY\nWhat\'re you guys, like a cover band\nor something?\n\nSISSY\nWe\'re the Kansas State chapter of\nS.A.A.C.--Students Against Animal\nCruelty.\n\nCHRISSY\nAnd we\'re on our way to Colorado to\ngive Provasik a piece of our minds!\n\nEveryone lets out a whoop, except Jay and Bob.\n\nJAY\nWhat the fuck are you bitches babbling\nabout?\n\nBRENT\nHey! Watch the language little boy.\nThere are females present.\n\nJay and Silent Bob eyeball Brent, until Justice distracts\nthem.\n\nJUSTICE\nProvasik Pharmaceuticals is a medical\nlab where they perform gross\nexperiments on animals.\n\nJAY\nSo, what kind of animals are we\ntalking about here--like bears and\nrhinos?\n\nBRENT\nNo--more like rabbits, dogs, cats...\nheck, even monkeys, If we don\'t speak\nfor them, who will?\ntouches Justice\'s\narm\nRight, Jussy?\n\nJay sees this and his eyes flare over the competition. After\na beat, he relaxes.\n\nJAY\nHey, uh--Brent? Can I talk to you\nover here for a second?\n\nBrent joins Jay, strumming his guitar. Jay addresses him\nconfidentially.\n\nJAY\nBe honest, yo--you\'re down with this\nfor the fine-ass pussy, right?\n\nBRENT\nI\'m down with this because I love\nanimals, stupid.\n\nJAY\nEven sheep?\n\nBRENT\nOf course. Sheep are beautiful\ncreatures.\n\nJAY\nThey are beautiful, aren\'t they?\n\nBRENT\nOh God, yes.\n\nJAY\nSo then you\'d fuck a sheep?\n\nBRENT\nWhat is your damage little boy? You\'ve\ngot a sick and twisted world\nperspective.\n\nJAY\nNo, you misunderstand me, Prince\nValiant. I mean if you were another\nsheep. Would you fuck a sheep if\nyou were another sheep?\n\nBRENT\nI--suppose so.\n\nJAY\nThat\'s what I thought.\nsuddenly loudly, to\nall\nYO! THIS MOTHERFUCKER AIN\'T ONE OF\nUS! HE JUST SAID HE\'D FUCK A SHEEP!\n\nEXT. HIGHWAY--DAY\n\nThe side door of the van slides open and Brent gets hurled\nout of the moving vehicle. Jay throws his guitar at him as\nwell, yelling and flipping the bird as the van drives off.\n\nJAY\nYA DIRTY SHEEP FUCKER!!!\n\nEXT. HIGHWAY--LATER\n\nThe van drives down the road.\n\nINT. VAN--SAME\n\nMissy drives. Sissy sits in the passenger seat. Chrissy kneels\nbetween them.\n\nCHRISSY\nWhat the fuck are we gonna do now?\n\nSISSY\nShut up, I\'m thinking.\n\nIn the back, Justice studies some blueprints. Jay joins her,\nand she quickly folds them up.\n\nJAY\nIs Hollywood near where we\'re going?\n\nJUSTICE\nIs that where you guys are from?\n\nJAY\nCh\'yeah, right. Jersey represent!\n\nJUSTICE\nOh, a Jersey Boy. What brings you\nall the way out here?\n\nJAY\nWell, we couldn\'t hang in front of\nthe Quick Stop no more, \'cause of\nthe strainen-en order, which sucks\nass \'cause it\'s been like our home\nsince we were kids. Silent Bob even\nbusted his cherry there.\n\nJUSTICE\nto Bob\nYou did? I\'ll bet she was a lucky\ngirl.\n\nBob blushes, Jay doesn\'t like that Justice\'s attention has\nstrayed.\n\nJAY\nLook, fuck that fat fuck--I\'m trying\nto tell a story here.\n\nJUSTICE\nSorry.\n\nJAY\nAnyway, we were talking to Brodie\nand he said there\'s gonna be a\nBluntman and Chronic movie. So we\nwent to see Holden McNeil, and he\nshowed us the Internet, and that\'s\nwhere we found all these fucking\nlittle jerkoffs were saying shit\nabout us. So we decided to go to\nHollywood and stop the movie from\ngetting made. And now we\'re here.\n\nJUSTICE\nWow. I have no idea what you just\nsaid.\n\nJAY\nYeah, I get that a lot. So you like\nanimals, huh?\n\nJUSTICE\nSure.\n\nJAY\nThat\'s cool. Even snakes?\n\nJUSTICE\nYou can\'t exclude an animal just\nbecause it\'s not cuddly. Of course I\nlike snakes.\n\nJAY\nHow about trouser snakes?\n\nJUSTICE\nWhat\'s a trouser snake?\n\nJust then, a little JAY DEVIL appears on Jay\'s left shoulder.\n\nJAY DEVIL\nto Jay\nWhat the fuck are you waiting for?\nShe went for the setup! Reach in\nyour fucking pants, and pull yer\ncock out, bitch! That\'s the kinda\nshit girls like!\n\nSuddenly another little JAY DEVIL appears in Jay\'s right\nshoulder.\n\nJAY DEVIL 2\nRight about here\'s where the angel\'s\nsupposed to show up and tell you not\nto pull your dick out. But we bitch-\nslapped that little fuck and sent\nhim packing, so it\'s smooth sailing.\nLet \'er rip, boy!\n\nThey disappear in little puffs of smoke and Jay shoves his\nhand down his pants, getting ready to whip out his dick,\nwhen suddenly a little JAY ANGEL appears on his shoulder,\nrubbing a swollen jaw.\n\nJAY ANGEL\nSorry I\'m late. So what\'s the deal\nhere?\nlooks down\nOh, shit--you\'re not thinking of\nwhipping your dick out at this fine\npiece of woman, are you?\n\nJay thinks, then nods "Yes." The Jay Angel rolls his eyes,\nand slaps him.\n\nJAY ANGEL\nTell you what: look at Silent Bob.\nSee if he thinks it\'s a good idea to\nwhip your dick out.\n\nJay looks to Silent Bob. Silent Bob looks from Jay\'s hand in\nhis pants to Jay and shakes his head "no," sternly. Jay\nwithdraws his hand from his pants. The Jay Angel nods,\nsatisfied.\n\nJAY ANGEL\nThat\'s it, boy--put the dick down.\nYou gotta go from the heart, yo. No\nlittle perv bullshit will do for\nthis one. Be smooth. Be Don Juan de\nla Nootch. Now I gotta go beat the\nshit out of two suckerpunching little\nbitches. Remember--don\'t pull your\ndick out until she asks you to.\nbeat\nOr until she sleeping. Bunnnnggg!\nThe Jay Angel blinks away. Justice\nlooks at Jay, a bit confused.\n\nJAY\nDon\'t ask.\nbeat\nSo, uh--what can a pimp-daddy like\nme do to help the animals?\n\nJUSTICE\nYou really don\'t want to help us--\n\nJAY\nWhat the fuck are you talking about?\nSure I do. I\'d do anything for you.\n\nJustice smiles. Jay tries to recover.\n\nJAY\nI mean, youse guys! I\'d do anything\nfor youse guys. For the lift and\nshit.\n\nJUSTICE\nYou sure?\n\nJAY\nSure, I\'m sure. I said it, didn\'t I.\nFuck\n\nJUSTICE\nWell--okay. Let me talk it over with\nthe other girls and get back to you.\n\nJAY\nYou do that.\n\nJay takes Justice\'s hand and kisses it.\n\nJAY\nI\'ll be right here.\n\nHe winks at her, smiles and moves to the other side of the\ncan, near Silent Bob. He\'s still smiling at Justice and\nwinking when he looks to Silent Bob who stares at him blankly,\nthen imitates Jay\'s hand-kissing back at him, Jay scowls.\n\nJAY\nFuck you. Fatty.\n\nEXT. CONVENIENCE STORY--DAY\n\nThe van pulls up and all pile out, stretching. The Girls\nhead toward the store. Justice calls over to Jay and Silent\nBob.\n\nJUSTICE\nYou guys want anything from inside?\n\nJAY\nNo, we\'re cool, thanks hon.\n\nJustice smiles and heads inside. Jay and Silent Bob study\nthe front of the foreign convenience store. They look for a\nplace to lean, try a few spots out, then settle into one.\nAfter a beat--\n\nJAY\nIt just ain\'t the same, is it? This\nplace licks balls compared to Quick\nStop.\n\nSilent Bob shakes his head "Yeah."\n\nJAY\nAnd speaking of licking balls--how\n\'bout that Justice chick? She is too\nfine. And she smells so fucking\npretty. She\'s got a nice voice, too.\nAnd that body? Smoking. You know,\nshe never once said "fuck off," when\nI was talking to her, or pulled out\nthe pepper spray, or nothing. I tell\nya, Lunchbox--she could be the one.\n\nINT. CONVENIENCE STORE--DAY\n\nJustice is at the microwave when she\'s suddenly surrounded\nby the other girls.\n\nMISSY\nSmooth move, Justice.\n\nCHRISSY\nslapping Justice\nupside the head\nNice going, Four Eyes!\n\nJUSTICE\nOw!\n\nSISSY\nWhy the fuck did you let that little\nstoner throw Brent our of the van?!\n\nJUSTICE\nOh please--if I had to listen to one\nmore of those stupid songs, I was\ngoing to throw him out myself.\n\nSISSY\nWe needed Brent, Justice! He was our\npatsy!\n\nJUSTICE\nWe\'ll find someone else. Besides, I\ndidn\'t see you trying to stop Jay\nfrom throwing him out.\n\nSISSY\nBecause I didn\'t want to blow our\ncover!\n\nJUSTICE\nCover, shmover--you all hated his\nsongs, too.\n\nCHRISSY\nNot as much as I hate you.\n\nJustice offers Chrissy a cold glance,\n\nCHRISSY\nFuck, if I don\'t get to kill someone\nsoon, I\'m gonna--fucking kill someone!\n\nSISSY\nrubbing Chrissy\'s\nshoulders\nDon\'t mind Chrissy. She\'s just a\nlittle too wound for sound.\n\nCHRISSY\nThen how about you help me take the\nedge off?\n\nChrissy grabs Missy forcefully and the pair make out, hot\nand heavy in the middle of the convenience store. Other\ncustomers regard them wide-eyed.\n\nJUSTICE\nto Customers\nThey\'re really good friends.\n\nSISSY\nTO CHRISSY AND MISSY\nWould you two knock it off? We\'re in\nthe fucking heartland here! Try to\nblend!\n\nJUSTICE\nThey already do--she\'s the milkmaid,\nand she\'s the cow.\n\nCHRISSY\nOh, I\'m a cow, am I? I\'m a mad cow,\nbitch. And now I\'m gonna rip your\nhead off and fuck your spine stump.\n\nSISSY\nEnough!\ncalm to Justice\nWe have a very simple gang here,\nJustice. I\'m the brains, Chrissy\'s\nthe brawn, and Missy\'s the tech-girl.\nBut lately, I\'m having a hard time\nfiguring out what you\'re doing here.\n\nJUSTICE\nThat makes two of us.\n\nCHRISSY\nShit--your name doesn\'t even fit the\nrhyme scheme.\n\nJUSTICE\nThat\'s because very few names rhyme\nwith "douchebag."\n\nCHRISSY\ngetting in her face\nYou\'re dancing on my last nerve,\nStrawberry Shortcake.\nto Sissy\nYou deal with the weak link. I\'m\ngonna take Missy into the dirty\nconvenience store bathroom and hate-\nfuck the shit out of her.\n\nChrissy drags Missy off. Justice and Sissy watch them go.\n\nJUSTICE\nAnd you said letting them read all\nthat Anais Nin wouldn\'t amount to\nanything.\n\nSISSY\nDon\'t change the subject. You know\nwhat you have to do now, right? Since\nyou let our patsy slip away, you\'ve\ngotta convince the little kid and\nthat fat guy to take his place.\nThey\'ve gotta break into Provasik\nnow.\n\nJUSTICE\nUh-uh!\n\nSISSY\nUh-huh. You\'ll do it; or you\'re out\nof this gang. Just use the little\none\'s crush to convince him, since\nhe\'s so fucking in love with you.\n\nJUSTICE\nJay? No he\'s not.\n\nSISSY\nWhat--am I blind? He wasn\'t kissing\nyour hand back in the van like he\nwas fucking Lord Byron?\n\nJUSTICE\nWell, maybe he was just raised with\nmanners.\n\nEXT. CONVENIENCE STORE--DAY\n\nA GIRL walks past Jay and Bob, heading out of the store.\n\nJAY\nto exited Girl\nYO, BABY! YOU EVER HAVE YOUR ASSHOLE\nLICKED BY A FAT MAN IN AN OVERCOAT?!\nto Bob\nYeah.\n\nINT. CONVENIENCE STORE--DAY\n\nSissy continues to confront Justice.\n\nSISSY\nYou\'re the one that brought the kid\nin, Jussy. So you\'ve gotta make\namends.\n\nJUSTICE\nJay is not taking Brent\'s place as\nthe patsy.\n\nSISSY\nThat kid and his quite friend are\nour only options at this point. Now\nwe got about two hours before we get\nto Boulder. That gives you plenty of\nof time to work on him.\n\nJUSTICE\nI\'m not gonna do it.\n\nSISSY\nWhy the fuck not?\n\nJUSTICE\nBecause he\'s just to so innocent!\n\nJustice looks out the window and smiles, seeing Jay dancing\nalongside Bob.\n\nJUSTICE\nLook at him--\n\nEXT. CONVENIENCE STORE--SAME\n\nJay\'s dancing still, but now we hear what he\'s SINGING to\nSilent Bob.\n\nJAY\nI\'m gonna finger-fuck her tight little\nasshole! Finger-bang and tea-bang my\nballs--in her mouth! Where? Where?\nIn her mouth--balls-a-plenty in her\nmouth! Balls, balls, sweaty balls--\n\nINT. CONVENIENCE STORE--SAME\n\nSissy eyeballs Justice, who\'s still looking out at Jay.\n\nSISSY\nWho\'s it going to be, Jussy--him or\nus?\n\nJustice looks at Sissy. Sissy nods at her. Justice looks\nback out at Jay.\n\nINT. VAN--DAY\n\nJustice talks to Jay and Silent Bob.\n\nJAY\nSteal a monkey? Shit--no problem.\n\nJUSTICE\nIt\'s not really stealing--it\'s\nliberating it, and--\nfinally hears him\nWait a second--did you say, "No\nproblem"?\n\nJAY\nYeah, Fuck--we steal monkeys all the\ntime.\nto Bob\nRight, Lunchbox?\n\nSilent Bob glares at Jay.\n\nJUSTICE\nIt\'s not like it\'s a bad thing. It\'s\nfor a good cause.\n\nJAY\nOh, it for the best cause, mon cheri--\ntakes her hand\nThe cause of love.\nkisses her hand,\nthen releases\nSnoogans--\n\nJUSTICE\nWhat the heck is that?\n\nJAY\nWhat\'s what?\n\nJUSTICE\n"Snoogans," I believe it was.\n\nJAY\nWhat the fuck do you think it means?\nIt means "I\'m kidding."\n\nJUSTICE\nOhhh. Well, that\'s too bad.\n\nShe smiles at Jay, touches his chin and heads to the front\nof the van. Jay plays it cool until she\'s out of sight, then\nhumps silent Bob\'s leg like a dog.\n\nJAY\nsinging\nI can\'t believe I\'m gonna get some\npussy for stealing a monkey!\nspeaking\nIf I\'d known it was that easy, I\'d\'ve\nbeen stealing monkeys since I was\nlike seven and shit.\n\nJay looks at Silent Bob, who clearly disapproves.\n\nJAY\nDon\'t, motherfucker. Don\'t you ruin\nthis for me. Me and Justice are gonna\nget married one day, so don\'t be\ngiving me that "we-ain\'t-stealing-no-\nmonkey" look. I\'m Morris Day; you\'re\nJerome, bitch. Don\'t forget that.\nThat girl? That girl\'s in love with\nme.\n\nUp front, Justice talks to Sissy, while Missy drives.\n\nJUSTICE\nThey\'re gonna do it.\n\nSISSY\nGood. They do their part--\npats a video camera\nAnd we\'ll do ours.\n\nJustice eyes Sissy, then slumps in her seat.\n\nEXT. PROVASIK MEDICAL LABS--NIGHT\n\nThe Van rolls up across the street from the Provasik Labs,\nparking in front of another large building.\n\nINT. VAN--SAME\n\nJay and Silent bob get out, along with Justice. They wear\nNinja masks. Missy and Chrissy follow.\n\nJUSTICE\nRemember--we meet back here when\nyou\'re done. You sure you\'re okay\nwith this?\n\nJAY\nAs sure as I am that you\'re the\nhottest bitch I ever seen.\n\nChrissy lunges at Jay, Missy holds her back, dragging Chrissy\naway.\n\nJAY\nWhat\'s twisting that bitch\'s tits?\n\nJUSTICE\nMaybe it\'s because women don\'t like\nto be called "bitches," Jay.\n\nJAY\nThey don\'t? Well how \'bout "piece of\nass"?\n\nJUSTICE\nHow about not.\n\nJAY\nWell, what the fuck am I supposed to\ncall you, then?\n\nJUSTICE\nSomething sweet, you big goof.\nSomething nice.\n\nJAY\nthinks; then\nBoo-boo kitty fuck.\n\nJUSTICE\nlaughing\nOkay. That\'s a start.\n\nSissy jumps out of the van, holding the video camera, aiming\nit at Jay and Bob.\n\nSISSY\nJay, before you go, could you say\nsomething into the camera about the\nclitoris.\n\nJAY\nWhat?\n\nJUSTICE\nto Sissy\nMan you are such a bitch--\n\nSISSY\noff Justice; to Jay\nShe\'s just a little embarrassed.\nSee, Jussy and I are putting together\nthis documentary for our Human\nSexuality class, and we need a male\nperspective on the clitoris.\n\nJAY\nThe female clitoris?\n\nSISSY\nUh--yeah.\n\nJUSTICE\nJay, you don\'t have to do this.\n\nShe elbows Sissy.\n\nJAY\nNah, it\'s cool, hon. There\'s a few\nthings I can say about the clit that\nI\'s like you to hear.\nclears throat; into\ncamera\nI am the master of the clit! I make\nthat shit work! It does what ever\nthe fuck I tell it to do! No one\nrules the clit like me!\noff Silent Bob\nNot this little fuck! None of you\nlittle fucks out there! I am the\nclit commander!!! Remember that--\ncommander of all clits!\n\nJay proceeds to make some pussy-eating faces. Justice shakes\nher head at Sissy, who snaps the camera closed and smiles.\n\nSISSY\nAwesome. Knock \'em dead, Tiger.\n\nSissy climbs back into the van.\n\nJAY\nto Justice\nSo--can I get a little kiss for good\nluck?\n\nJustice smiles at Jay, then kisses him sweetly on the lips.\n\nJAY\nSo--can I get a little blow job for\ngood luck?\n\nJustice smiles and pulls Jay\'s mask down. He heads off,\nrevealing Silent Bob behind him, lips puckered, handing in\nmidair. Jay reached back into the frame, pulling Bob out.\nJustice watches them go.\n\nSISSY\nJussy. C\'mon.\n\nJustice climbs back into the van.\n\nINT. VAN--SAME\n\nJustice sits, glaring at Sissy.\n\nSISSY\nHey, Lover-girl. You cock-block my\nauthority again, you lose your fucking\nfronts, you got that?\n\nJUSTICE\nYes, sir.\n\nSissy takes the tape out of the camera and hands it off to\nMissy, beside whom is a bag full of high-tech equipment.\n\nSISSY\nPhase One, down. While we\'re executing\nPhase Two, you edit that tape and\ngrab a new car.\n\nMISSY\nNo sweat.\n\nSISSY\nLet\'s suit up.\n\nEXT. PROVASIK MEDICAL LABS--NIGHT\n\nJay and Silent bob tuck-and-roll across the front lawn,\nstopping at the building. Silent Bob pulls a GRAPPLING GUN\nout of his coat. He fires it into the air as Jay quickly\ngives the "metal" sign, and the pair are lifted out-of-frame.\n\nINT. PROVASIK MEDICAL LABS--NIGHT\n\nIt\'s dead quiet and still. Then, the pair smash through a\nwindow, landing in the floor in a ball. They lift their Ninja\nhoods. Jay glares at Silent Bob.\n\nJAY\nYou fat fuck--\n\nINT. VAN--NIGHT\n\nMissy peers through binoculars out the window.\n\nSISSY\nThey in?\n\nMISSY\nYou can say that.\n\nSISSY\nTime to shine. Let\'s go.\n\nEXT. VAN--NIGHT\n\nThe quartet piles out of the van, and we get our first look\nat them: sexily geared up for action, wearing all black.\nThey head for a SEPARATE BUILDING. Stopping at the front\ndoor.\n\nSissy gestures elaborately to Missy, and Missy gestures\nelaborately back, racing away into the night. Justice offers\nSissy a look.\n\nJUSTICE\nYou are so gay.\n\nChrissy sticks a box on the door and presses a button. On a\ndigital readout, numbers roll until they stop on four\ndifferent digits. The door lock CLICKS open.\n\nSISSY\nOnce we\'re inside, I want complete\nsilence.\nholding up high-tech\ndevice\nMissy whipped this up. It counts our\ndecibel level. If it goes into the\nred--alarm, we\'re dead. So not even\nthe slightest noise, got it?\n\nJustice blows her off. Sissy enters the building, followed\nclosely by Chrissy. Justice lingers at the door, taking one\nlast look back at the Provasik Building, fretting for Jay\nand Bob.\n\nSISSY\npokes her head back\nout\nJustice! Move your ass!\n\nJustice heads inside. We PAN up to reveal a sign that reads:\nBOULDER DIAMOND EXCHANGE.\n\nINT. PROVASIK TESTING ROOM--NIGHT\n\nJay and Bob stand there, looking around the room.\n\nIt\'s lines with cages, all of which contain sad-looking\nANIMALS. A tear forms in silent Bob\'s eye. Jay rolls his\neyes and hits him.\n\nJAY\nStay frosty, you big fucking softie.\nWe\'ve got a job to do.\n\nSilent Bob nods and clicks on a flashlight. The pair wade\nthrough the cages. Jay stops at an EMERGENCY BOX hanging on\nthe wall. Inside it, there\'s a pistol.\n\nJAY\nCheck this out, Lunchbox. Animal\ntranquilizer. This shit fucks you up\nlike Percocets!\n\nJay elbows the glass, breaking it. He takes the gun out and\ntosses it to Bob.\n\nJAY\nHold this. Later, me and Justice can\nshoot each other with it and fuck\nlike stoned test bunnies. Bunnggg.\n\nSilent Bob rolls he eyes and sticks the gun in his coat. The\npair look through the cages, until HEAR the distinct SOUND\nOF A MONKEY. Jay directs Silent Bob\'s flashlight to the cage\nfrom where the sound emitted. He smiles.\n\nJAY\nreading\n"Suzanne." Boo-yah.\n\nINT. BOULDER DIAMOND EXCHANGE--NIGHT\n\nThe three Girls stand at the end of a large hallway. At the\nother end is a glass case, full of DIAMONDS.\n\nSissy pulls and aerosol can from her utility belt and sprays\nthe air in the hallway. She watches the decibel monitor,\nwhich rises only slightly at the sound of the spray. Suddenly,\nwithin the mist, laser beams become apparent.\n\nSissy hands the decibel monitor to Chrissy and takes a few\nsteps back, shaking her hands to limber up. She then runs\nforward and does an impressive series of flips down the\nhallway, not touching a single laser beam.\n\nChrissy checks the decibel monitor, which rises only slightly.\n\nOnce Sissy\'s flipping comes to a stop at the other end of\nthe hallway near the Diamond case, she makes a hand gesture\nto Justice. Justice nods, and proceeds to do the same series\nof flips down the hallway, not tripping the alarm.\n\nChrissy checks the decibel monitor, which rises only slightly.\n\nJustice lands beside Sissy, and then Sissy gestures to\nChrissy.\n\nChrissy tosses the decibel monitor over the laser beams,\nSissy catches it, and the monitor rises only slightly.\n\nThen, Chrissy proceeds with her series of flips, which are\neven more impressive than the other two, including running\nup walls and pushing into handstand flips. When she passes\nthe last laser beam, she lands between Sissy and Justice,\narms in the air like a gymnast. Then, she lets out a loud,\nmanly FART.\n\nThe decibel monitor goes red and an alarm starts RINGING\nthrough the building.\n\nCHRISSY\nHoly fuck--the little stoner was\nright--\n\nSissy shutters the glass surrounding the Diamonds. She ours\nthem into a bag, and races back down the hallway, followed\nby Justice and Chrissy.\n\nEXT. BOULDER DIAMOND EXCHANGE--NIGHT\n\nThe Girls emerge from the Diamond Exchange, just as Missy\npulls up in a CONVERTIBLE.\n\nCHRISSY\nBoom Box!\n\nMissy tosses a metal box to Chrissy, who catches it and races\ntoward the van, while Sissy and Justice pile into the\nconvertible.\n\nSISSY\nI can\'t believe it. Months of planning\nand it\'s all blown by a fucking fart.\n\nJUSTICE\nWe can\'t just leave them like this!\nThat alarm\'s gonna bring the cops\nhere any minute!\n\nSISSY\nThat was always the plan, Justice!\nThey take the heat off of is long\nenough until we can get out of town!\n\nChrissy attaches the metal box to the side of the van.\n\nCHRISSY\nKaboom, you little stoner fucks.\n\nThe girls pull up in the convertible and Chrissy jumps into\nthe car with them.\n\nCHRISSY\nIt\'s set. Let\'s roll.\n\nThe convertible screeches away, leaving the can sitting there.\nThe metal has magnetically attached to the side is counting\ndown from two minutes.\n\nINT. PROVASIK TESTING LAB--NIGHT\n\nJay and Bob carry a large canvas bag between them. Something\nseems to move inside it. The head for the exit, but Silent\nbob hesitates, offering a sad look to the animals in all the\ncages. Jay hits him.\n\nJAY\nWhat the fuck are you looking at?\nThere ain\'t no snacks here, man! Now\nwe got what we came for, so let\'s\nget the fuck out!\n\nSilent Bob half-gestures to the cages, forlorn. Jay shakes\nhis head frustrated.\n\nJAY\nYeah, it\'s sad! But what the fuck\nare we supposed to do about it?\n\nSilent bob offers Jay a look.\n\nEXT. PROVASIK MEDICAL LABS--NIGHT\n\nThe front doors burst open, spilling out Jay, Silent Bob\ncarrying their bag, and HUNDREDS OF ANIMALS--cats, dogs,\nbirds, rabbits. All race off into the night.\n\nJay and Bob race toward the van. Jay screams at it.\n\nJUSTICE\nJUSTICE! OPEN THE DOORS!\n\nSuddenly, Jay and Bob stop dead in their tracks.\n\nJAY\nOh shit--\n\nThree COP CARS screech up, the van between them and Jay and\nBob. The COPS leap out of their cruisers, guns drawn. Jay\nlooks to Bob, pissed\n\nCOP\nDROP THE BAG! BEFORE THIS THING TURNS\nEXPLOSIVE!\n\nThe counter on the device attached to the van hits "0," and\nthe van BLOWS UP. Jay and Bob get thrown backwards in one\ndirection, the Cops in the other. On all fours, Jay looks\nat the burning shell of the van, a tear forming in his eye.\n\nJAY\nJustice--\n\nWe crane up from him as he bellows--\n\nJAY\nJUUUSSSTTTTIIIICCCCEEEE!!!!!!\n\nSilent Bob grabs Jay and drags him out of frame, still\ncarrying the bag.\n\nEXT. FEDERAL WILDLIFE MARSHAL\'S OFFICE--DAY\n\nWe start on a sign on the door that reads: Federal Wildlife\nMarshal, Colorado Field Office, then pull back to see a DEPUTY\nopening the door and heading inside.\n\nINT. FEDERAL WILDLIFE MARSHAL\'S OFFICE--DAY\n\nThe Deputy enters just as a FAX is coming through at an\noperations board. He rips it off, reading it. His eyes go\nwide.\n\nDEPUTY\nOh, fudge...\ncalling off\nMarshal Willenholly!\n\nINT. BATHROOM--SAME\n\nMARSHAL WILLENHOLLY sits on the bowl, staring at Four Legged\nLaw-Man magazine, eyeing it lustily. Below frame, he jerks\noff.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nYeah, you chug that ass-cock baby--\nIt takes two hands to hold doesn\'t\nit--? Uhhh--\n\nAs he climaxes, a ganging at the door disrupts him.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nWHAT?! WHAT?! I\'M READING!\n\nDEPUTY O.S.\nSir, we got a report of a break-in\nat Provasik Pharmaceuticals\' testing\nlab.\n\nWillenholly emerges from the bathroom, holding the magazine.\nThere\'s a massive wet spot on the front of his pants.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nHave you read this article on the\nmule-suckers in Tijuana? Good God, I\nwish that was in our jurisdiction--\nI\'d shut down every last one of those\nass-cock chuggers, personally.\n\nThe Deputy looks at the stain on Willenholly\'s pants, then\nat Willenholly.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nWhat? "Ass" means "donkey."\n\nDEPUTY\nYes, sir.\nhands him a fax\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nlooks at fax\nBoulder, hunh? Well, gas up the jet.\n\nDEPUTY\nWe don\'t have a jet, sir. And\nBoulder\'s only ten minutes away.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nThen gas up the next best thing.\n\nEXT. PROVASIK MEDICAL LABS--DAY\n\nThere are FIRE TRUCKS all over the place now. The burned out\nvan is being poured over by Cops. Just then, Willenholly\npulls up on a MOPED. He parks it and surveys the wreckage.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nMy, oh my, oh my. Who let the cats\nout?\nthinks\nWait--is that right?\n\nCOP 1 O.S.\nExcuse me--who the hell are you?\n\nWillenholly rips down the Velcro patch on his jacket,\nrevealing a badge.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nFederal Wildlife Marshal. This\ninvestigation is now under my\njurisdiction.\n\nCOP 1\nOh really? And why is that?\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nBecause someone let a whole mess of\nanimals out of their cages, sir.\n\nCOP 1\nWell, we believe that was just a\ndiversionary tactic used to call\nattention away from the real heist\nover here at the Diamond Exchange.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nYeah, right. That\'s a believable\nscenario. It sounds more like\nsomething out of a bad movie.\n\nWillenholly and the Cop look at the camera. Then, another\nCOP joins them.\n\nCOP 2\nSir, the Provasik people say they\'ve\nrounded all their animals up, except\nfor one: an orangutan.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nListen up, ladies and gentlemen! Our\nfugitive has been on the run for 6\nhours! Average simian foot speed\nover uneven ground--barring injuries\nor preoccupation with tire tubes,\nmites or bananas--is four miles an\nhour. That gives us a radius of twenty\nmiles.\n\nCOP 3\ncalling out from\ncrowd\nTwenty-four, sir!\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nWhat?\n\nCOP 3\nSix hours times four miles an hour\nis twenty-four.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\ndoing the math in\nhis head\nYes. Yes, you\'re right. My bad. Twenty-\nfour miles. Now what I want out of\nall of you is a hard target search.\n\nCOP 4\nExcuse me, sir?\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nYeah?\n\nCOP 4\nWhat does that mean, exactly--a "hard\ntarget search"? What\'s a "hard\ntarget"?\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nWell. It\'s--a target--that\'s--hard.\nAnyway--\n\nCOP 4\nSo are you referring to the search\'s\nlevel of difficulty? Or is the hard\ntarget the monkey?\n\nCOP 3\nOr the people who stole the monkey?\n\nThe COPS now chatter amongst themselves, to the effect of\n"Yeah--It could mean that too--He\'s got a point--,"etc.\nWillenholly rubs his temples.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nOkay, how about this? What I want\nout of all of you is a thorough search\nof every gas station, residence,\nwarehouse, farmhouse, henhouse,\nouthouse, and doghouse in that area!\nCheckpoints go up at fifteen miles!\n\nCOP 1\nWouldn\'t it make sense to put them\nup at every twenty-four miles--seeing\nas that\'s how far they\'d have gotten\nin the last six hours?\n\nThey begin chattering amongst themselves again. Willenholly\nlooks at them all, defeated. He starts to cry.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nThis is so frustrating. It\'s just so\nhard sometimes--\nyelling\nYOUR FUGITIVE\'S NAME IS SUZANNE! GO\nFIND HER!\n\nAnother COP joins Willenholly, carrying a large, fat envelope.\n\nCOP 5\nSir, this was just delivered to the\nstation.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nWhat is it?\n\nCOP 5\nIt\'s a tape from the terrorists who\'re\nclaiming credit for the break-in.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nIs it VHS or Beta? You know what--\nnever mind. Do you have a VCR?\n\nINT. OFFICE--DAY\n\nWillenholly and the Cops stare at the O.C. TV, shocked, as\nthe video ends.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nOh my God--\nwithout looking up\nHave the jet gassed up and ready to\ngo at a moment\'s notice.\n\nCOP\nSir, we don\'t have a jet; just a\nhelicopter.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\ndialing his cell\nphone\nDoesn\'t anybody have a jet anymore?\ninto cell phone\nPlafsky? It is Willenholly. You gotta\nget me on the national news, pronto.\nWhy?! Because we may very well be\ndealing with the two most dangerous\nmen on the planet!\n\nEXT. UTAH ROADSIDE--DAY\n\nJay and Silent Bob sit close to each other, staring at--\n\nSUZANNE the ORANGUTAN--who sits on a log across from them,\nstaring back.\n\nJAY\nThis is Jussy\'s monkey\nto Suzanne, angrily\nJUSTICE DIED FOR YOU, YOU MONKEY\nFUCK!\n\nSuzanne covers her eyes with her hands suddenly. Jay and\nSilent Bob, startle, with Jay leaping behind Silent Bob and\npulling back as if he\'s going to strike.\n\nJAY\nto Silent Bob\nDo something. Tons of Fun!\n\nSilent Bob offers the ape a weak wave. Suzanne drops her\nhands from her face and waves back. Jay cranes his neck to\nsee over silent Bob.\n\nJAY\nIs that fucking thing waving at us?\n\nSuzanne nods. Jay steps out from behind Bob. They state at\nthe ape.\n\nJAY\nHoly shit? That monkey understood\nus! Maybe it\'s some sort of super-\nmonkey!\n\nSuzanne offer them a "raspberry." Spitting as if the comment\nwas ridiculous. Jay and Silent Bob react with surprise at\nthis.\n\nJAY\nWhat the fuck was that for? It\'s not\na stupid idea! I seen it in Congo?\n\nSuzanne holds her nose, as if to say, "Congo stunk." Silent\nBob smiles in agreement and amusement. Jay looks at him,\nstung.\n\nJAY\nYou\'re my bitch. You get my back.\nDon\'t go joining this chimp\'s side.\n\nJay looks around the woods, formulating a thought. Silent\nBob moves toward the ape, extending his hand to shake hers.\n\nJAY\nYo--what if there\'s more super monkeys\nup in the lab? Maybe they\'re making\nan army of \'em up there! Holy shit!\nMaybe it\'s a conspiracy--like on the\nX-Files Roswell--style!\n\nJAY\'S DELUSION: We enter into JAY\'S HEAD and see--\n\nINT. LAB--DAY\n\nWe PAN over from a chimp in a chemist\'s coat measuring liquids\nin a pair of beakers to a chimp at a drafting table sketching\nblueprints for an insidious war machine. An orangutan shakes\nhands with a group of five well-dressed men, one of which\nlooks like the Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files.\n\nJAY V.O.\nWorking in secret with a crew of\ndouble-dealing, nicotine-fiending\nfucks that\'re selling out the human\nrace, these supermonkeys will use\nsimian science and their genius IQ\'s\nto make man and monkey alike believe\nthat they\'re the superior species!\n\nEXT. BALCONY--DAY\n\nA monkey dressed like Mussolini addresses a huge crowd of\napes, who wave fists in the air.\n\nJAY V.O.\nThen all it\'ll take is one little\nmonkey in a spiffy suit to whip the\ndumber chimps into a frenzy, until\nthey go all ape-shit and start\ndemanding more bananas, better pay,\nand human flesh!\n\nEXT. FIELD--DAY\n\nRandal leads a pack of humans racing through a cornfield,\nand is shot in the neck. He collapses, revealing a GORILLA\non horseback holding a rifle. Two other Gorillas throw a net\nover him.\n\nJAY V.O.\nYou\'ll have to be faster than Walt\nFlanagan\'s Dog to outrun the warrior\ngorillas, who hunt humans for sport,\nprofit, and the occasional inter-\nspecies blow-job. And if you don\'t\nwind up with a monkey hog in your\nmouth, you\'ll be captured, killed or\nworse...\n\nINT. LAB--DAY\n\nCornelius and Zera-looking chimps dissect the brain of a\nliving, screaming, Dante.\n\nJAY V.O.\nEaten alive!\n\nEXT. QUICK STOP--DAY\n\nThe Quick Stop is overrun by vines in a jungle like\natmosphere. Monkeys exit the store carrying bunches of\nbananas. The sign now reads: Ape Stop\n\nJAY V.O.\nThen these monkey fucks\'ll start\nwearing our clothes and rebuilding\nthe world in their image.\n\nEXT. BEACH--DAY\n\nWe start on a FULL SHOT of Jay on the beach, looking up,\nthen SNAP ZOOM OUT to REVEAL Jay kneeling before the beach\nburied Statue of Liberty, screaming, his arms raised.\n\nJAY V.O.\nAnd only those who outwit those damn\ndirty apes\'ll ever remember that it\nwas MAN who once ruled the earth!\n\nJAY\nat statue\nYOU MANIACS! DAMN YOUSE!!! GODDAMN\nYOUSE ALL TO HELL!!!\n\nWE DISSOLVE FROM THIS IMAGE TO:\n\nEXT. UTAH ROADSIDE--DAY\n\nAnother close-up of Jay\'s painted face. Behind him, Suzanne\nand Silent Bob are playing patty-cake. Jay eyes Suzanne\nangrily.\n\nJAY\nNot on my watch, motherfucker!\n\nJay turns and rushes Suzanne, ferociously.\n\nJAY\nDIE, YOU SUPER-MONKEY FUCK! DIE!!!\n\nJay trips on a root poking out of the ground and hits the\ndirt. Suzanne then goes over to Jay, pulls his face to hers,\nand kisses him on the lips.\n\nJAY\nAlright--you can live. For now.\n\nSilent Bob helps Jay to his feet.\n\nJAY\nYou see that? Bitches love me.\nheading off\nBesides--we\'re in the fucking clear,\nyo. It\'s not like anyone knows we\nstole the monkey.\n\nINT. TV NEWS STATION--DAY\n\nAn ANCHORMAN addresses the camera.\n\nANCHORMAN\nI\'m Reg Hartner and this is a News\nNow bulletin. A Provasik animal\ntesting facility in boulder was the\nfocus of an attack by a terroristic\nprimate rescue syndicate calling\nthemselves the Coalition for\nLiberation of Itinerant Tree-Dwellers.\nOr simply, C.L.I.T.\n\nA graphic of the C.L.I.T. logo appears beside him, nailing\nhome the joke.\n\nANCHORMAN\nIn a videotape sent to authorities\nthis morning, credit for the\nliberation of an orangutan from the\nlab last night is taken by these men--\n\nA VIDEO CAPTURE of JAY and SILENT BOB from pre-break--in\nappears on screen.\n\nANCHORMAN\n--identified in literature that\naccompanies the tape as Jay and Silent\nBob. In this chilling clip, they\nmake it very clear that they are in\ncontrol of the C.L.I.T.\n\nOn screen is the C.L.I.T. Logo. A digitized voice narrates.\n\nDIGITIZED VOICE\nWe are the C.L.I.T. None of you are\nsafe. Now tremble before the might\nof our merciless leader.\n\nThe logo gives way to the video of Jay and Bob that Sissy\nshot before the Provasik break-in. Jay\'s yelling into the\ncamera.\n\nJAY\nI AM THE CLIT COMMANDER!!!\n\nComing out of the video footage, the Anchorman shakes his\nhead, chilled.\n\nANCHORMAN\nTerrifying. Here to help us understand\nthis footage is Federal Wildlife\nMarshal Willenholly.\n\nPULL OUT to reveal Willenholly beside the Anchorman.\n\nANCHORMAN\nMarshal, what can you tell us about\nthe C.L.I.T.?\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nFrom the intelligence we\'ve been\nable to gather, we\'ve discovered\nthat the C.L.I.T. is a tiny offshoot\nof the L.A.B.I.A.\n\nANCHORMAN\nThe Liberate Apes Before Imprisoning\nApes movement.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nExactly. The men you saw in the video\nare believed to be the masterminds\nresponsible for the frenzied C.L.I.T.\nactivity last night. They go by the\nobvious code names "Jay" and "Silent\nBob."\nto camera\nIf you should come across them or\nany other C.L.I.T.-ies, please--\nexercise extreme caution.\n\nINT. POTZEK\'S INC. OFFICE--NIGHT\n\nOn the TV screen is Willenholly and the video capture of Jay\nand Silent Bob. Holden looks up from his drawing table,\nshocked.\n\nANCHORMAN O.S.\nfrom TV\nMarshal, how do you respond to\nallegations that Federal Wildlife\nMarshal\'s Office allowed the C.L.I.T.\nto slip through their fingers?\n\nWILLENHOLLY O.S.\nNonsense. We\'re all over the C.L.I.T.,\nReg.\n\nHOLDEN\nshakes his head\nNights like this, I miss dating a\nlesbian.\n\nINT. QUICK STOP--NIGHT\n\nFrom behind the register, Dante and Randal stare at the TV,\nslack-jawed.\n\nANCHORMAN O.S.\nfrom TV\nIs there also speculation that Jay\nand Silent bob may be responsible\nfor the Diamond Exchange jewel heist\nthat occurred in the same vicinity\nof downtown Boulder last night?\n\nWILLENHOLLY O.S.\nThere\'s nothing to suggest that, no.\nBut these men are still to be\nconsidered very dangerous.\n\nRANDAL\nto Dante\nI told you that restraining order\nwas a good idea.\n\nEXT. SEEDY MOTEL ROOMS--SAME\n\nOn the second-floor terrace of a run-down, roadside motel,\nSissy, Missy and Chrissy dance in their undies and drink\nchampagne. On the first floor terrace below, Justice leans\nagainst the open sliding glass door, watching the news report\non a TV inside the room with the volume turned way up.\n\nANCHORMAN\non TV\nIs that your cell phone?\n\nWILLENHOLLY\non TV\nYes, Excuse me.\non TV, into cell\nphone\nFederal Wildlife Marshal. I\'m on my\nway!\nshuts phone; to\nanchorman\nWe got \'em. They\'re in Utah.\nto camera\nCitizens of Utah--steer clear of the\nC.L.I.T. Stimulation of the C.L.I.T.\nis not recommended.\n\nJustice turns the TV off and yells up to Sissy.\n\nJUSTICE\nYour tape worked. The news is all\nabout Jay and Silent Bob\'s Provasik\nbreak-in, with almost no mention of\nthe Diamond heist.\n\nSISSY\nyelling down to\nJustice\nI told you those two were the perfect\npatsies. Now we lay low for awhile--\njust in case--and start planning the\nnext job.\n\nJUSTICE\nDon\'t you feel any regret? Jay and\nBob don\'t deserve this. They were\nreally sweet.\n\nCHRISSY\nThe only thing I regret is not gutting\nthat little trout-mouthed prick like\na fish and playing Twister with his\nvitals.\n\nMISSY\nYou are so nasty.\n\nCHRISSY\nI\'ll show you nasty, you little slut.\n\nSISSY\nWould you two get a room?\n\nCHRISSY\nFine--we\'ll take yours.\ngetting up in Sissy\'s\nface\nI am gonna stain your sheets, bi-\notch.\n\nChrissy dances away with Missy, heading inside. Sissy rolls\nher eyes.\n\nSISSY\nSarah Lawrence girls. Go figure.\n\nJUSTICE\nThey\'re your gang.\n\nSISSY\nOh and not yours? You know, I don\'t\nget you, Justice. You used to be all\nabout the girl stuff: stealing,\nboning, blowing shit up. Now you\'re\nlike this little priss with a\nconscience. It\'s really a fucking\ndrag.\n\nJUSTICE\nWe all gotta grow up some time.\n\nSISSY\nIf moping around over some little\nboy you\'re crushing on is being grown-\nup, then pass me my Wonder Woman\nunderoos.\n\nJUSTICE\nDon\'t you feel the least bit of guilt\nfor what we did to those guys?\n\nSISSY\nAwww. Does Jussy-wussy feel all dirty\nabout setting up her boyfriend? Then\nhow about taking a shower?\n\nSissy dumps the bag of diamonds over the side of the terrace.\nThey rain down on Justice below. Just then a PIZZA DELIVERY\nGUY approaches the lower terrace, carrying a stack of pizzas.\n\nPIZZA DELIVERY GUY\nYou the gals that ordered the pizzas?\n\nSISSY\nThis dopey bitch ordered the large\nplain, but I could go for some hot,\nthick, Sicilian.\n\nPIZZA DELIVERY GUY\nNo charge, lady. He rushes into the\nmotel, Justice sighs, looking up at\nthe stars.\n\nJUSTICE\nquietly\nI\'m sorry, Jay.\n\nINT. DINER--DAY\n\nJay, Silent Bob, and Suzanne sit at a booth, eating. Jay\nchews a burger while Silent Bob eats pancakes and Suzanne\ndigs into a banana split.\n\nJAY\nYou know, Justice died trying to\nsave this monkey, so maybe we should\nkeep her around. That way, we can\nhonor her memory.\n\nSilent bob and Suzanne are oblivious, digging into their\nfood.\n\nJAY\nLook at you Tubby Bitches. I\'m waxing\nall sentimental, and you\'re all about\na fucking meal and shit. Now ain\'t\nyou glad we stopped to eat? And you\nwere all piss-scared the cops\'d bust\nus or something. You know what I\nsay?\nsinging, a la NWA\n\nVOICE O.S.\nvia bullhorn\nTHIS IS THE UTAH STATE POLICE! WE\nKNOW YOU\'RE IN THERE COME OUT WITH\nYOUR HANDS IN THE AIR, AND SURRENDER\nTHE ORANGUTAN!\n\nJay and Bob freeze and go wild-eyed for a beat. Then--\n\nJAY\nYou think they\'re talking to us?\n\nEXT. DINER--DAY\n\nThere\'s a few COP CARS outside, and the SHERIFF is yelling\nat the diner through his bullhorn. Beside him are the other\nCOPS.\n\nSHERIFF\nYOU HAVE SIXTY SECONDS TO COMPLY.\nto other COPS\nFuck it, Let\'s give \'em thirty.\n\nSuddenly Willenholly rushes up, dramatically ducking behind\nthe car, gun drawn.\n\nSHERIFF\nThe ape.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nWhat?\n\nSHERIFF\nAn orangutan\'s a member of the great\nape family. It\'s not a monkey.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nLook, who\'s the Federal Wildlife\nMarshal here?\ninto bullhorn\nJAY AND SILENT BOB, THIS IS FEDERAL\nWILDLIFE MARSHAL WILLENHOLLY! YOUR\nC.L.I.T. DOESN\'T STAND A CHANCE.\nSURRENDER THE MONKEY IMMEDIATELY,\nAND YOU WON\'T GET SHOT!\n\nINT. DINER--DAY\n\nJay, Suzanne, and Silent Bob peer over the top of their booth,\nlike scared rats.\n\nJAY\nWhat the fuck are you waiting for?\nGo out there and give \'em the monkey.\n\nSilent Bob looks to Jay, shocked.\n\nJAY\nOh, what, man? I said that shit before\nI knew they were gonna shoot us!\nYes--Jussy was a hottie, but I ain\'t\ntakin\' no bullet for no monkey!\n\nBob pulls Suzanne close to him, welling up with tears. Jay\nrolls his eyes.\n\nJAY\nOh, brother--this is like something\nout of fucking Benji! Look man, maybe\nit\'s not that bad back at the lab!\nMaybe they experiment on \'em by,\nlike making \'em fuck a bunch of\ndifferent, good-looking monkeys. We\ndon\'t know! Maybe they got it real\nsweet!\n\nSuzanne shakes her head "no." Bob points to her, as if she\'s\nstrengthening his point.\n\nJAY\nto Suzanne\nYou stay out of this, you weepy little\nchimp!\nlooks around thinking\nFuck man, I ain\'t no strategist!\nYou\'re the guy that makes the\nblueprints! I don\'t even have the\nfucking smarts of a little--\n\nJay\'s eyes fall on a scared FAMILY in a nearby booth. There\'s\na little kid around five or so, and he\'s wearing a hooded\nsweatshirt and a baseball cap.\n\nJAY\n--kid\n\nEXT. DINER--DAY\n\nWillenholly\'s on the bullhorn, yelling at the diner. The\nSheriff looks on.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nANYONE NOT HARBORING A FUGITIVE MONKEY\nBETTER HIT THE DECK! WE\'RE GOING TO\nOPEN FIRE!\nto cops\nEveryone has bullets in their guns,\nright?\n\nJay and Silent Bob emerge from the diner, with Suzanne between\nthem they\'re holding her raised hands. She\'s now dressed\nup in the sweatshirt and jeans the kid was wearing in the\ndiner, with the baseball cap pulled down over her face.\nIt\'s a pretty piss-poor disguise.\n\nJAY\nDon\'t shoot! We\'re just trying to\ntake our son out of this hostile\nenvironment!\n\nFrom behind the cop car, the Sheriff looks to Willenholly.\n\nSHERIFF\nTheir "son"?\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nMaybe they\'re one of those gay\ncouples?\n\nJay seizes on the idea. Silent Bob nods fervently.\n\nJAY\nYeah! We\'re gay! And this is our\nadopted love child! We\'re not from\naround here! Don\'t make us go back\nto our liberal city home with a tales\nof prejudice and bigotry in the heart\nof Utah!\nwhispers to Bob\nYou see the shit I gotta put up with\nfor you! Now I got this guy thinking\nI\'m gay!\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nOh God, this is the last thing I\nneed--a bunch of uppity homosexuals\nshooting their mouth off in the\nliberal press that the Federal\nWildlife Marshal\'s Office persecutes\ngays.\n\nSHERIFF\nARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY! THOSE TWO MAY\nBE GAY, BUT THAT AIN\'T THEIR SON!\nTHAT\'S THE APE!\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nYou see this badge? I think I\'d\nrecognize an ape if I saw one. And\nthe only thing I do recognize here\nis a political fiasco I\'m, going to\navoid by letting this butt-fucking\nBrady Bunch go!\n\nJay is whispering to Silent Bob, still vexed by--\n\nJAY\nAnd I\'ll tell you another thing:\nwhat if that guy shows up around the\nstores one day and starts telling\neverybody you and me are poo-gilists?\nHow are we gonna get any pussy then,\nhunh?\n\nWILLENHOLLY V.O.\nYOU ARE FREE TO LEAVE, SIRS!\n\nJay and Silent Bob look at each other, shocked. They look\nback out at Willenholly, who\'s yards away. Jay points at\nhimself, as if to say, "Me?"\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nvia bullhorn\nYES, YOU, SIRS.\n\nJAY\ncalling over\nSo we can just go?\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nvia bullhorn\nYes, sir--or ma\'am. Please accept my\napologies for detaining you and your\nunorthodox-but-constitutionally-\nprotected-family unit.\n\nSHERIFF\namazed\nUn-fucking believable.\n\nJAY\nI\'d like to offer a big gay thank-\nyou, sir. We\'ll tell all our gay\nfriends that Utah is Gay friendly\ncountry for gays who are gay.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nI\'m sure Utah appreciates that. You\nmight also want to make it clear\nthat the Federal Wildlife Marshal\'s\nOffice is also pro-\'mo as well.\nwinks at the sheriff\nAnd might I add, that\'s one fine-\nlooking boy you\'re raising.\n\nJAY\nWell, that\'s \'cuz he\'s from my sperm.\nSee, I knocked up a hot woman friend\nof ours who I also fuck on the side.\nSo as not to be all-the-way-gay. But\nmy tubby husband here is one hundred\npercent queer. He loves the cock.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nHe certainly looks insatiable.\n\nJAY\n\'Bye\n\nWILLENHOLLY\n\'Bye\n\nJay, silent Bob and Suzanne head off down the road.\nWillenholly and all watch them go. The Sheriff is livid.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nWell, it\'s not my way--but damned if\nthere doesn\'t go one happy family.\nballoon two\nNow, we just shoot some tear gas\ninto that diner, and when the two\nguys run out with the monkey, we\'ll--\n\nWillenholly suddenly freezes, thinking. He looks to the\nSheriff.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nThat was the them, wasn\'t it?\n\nEXT. ROAD--DAY\n\nJay, Silent Bob and Suzanne are laughing.\n\nJAY\nI said you "love the cock"! I gotta\nbe the craftiest motherfucker alive!\n\nGUNSHOTS RING OUT, and bullets whiz by the trio, who are now\nin full panic mode.\n\nWillenholly and the Cops race after them, firing.\n\nJay, Bob and Suzanne race away, ducking bullets.\n\nJAY\nFLEE, FAT-ASS, FLEE!!!\n\nEXT. DAM ROAD--DAY\n\nThe trio race across what looks like a bridge but isn\'t,\nshots still ringing out. Jay spots a manhole. He points at\nit, screaming.\n\nJAY\nHEAD FOR THE SEWERS!\n\nSilent Bob pops the cover off, With bullets ricocheting all\naround them, Jay leaps into the manhole.\n\nINT. SEWER TUNNEL\n\nJay lands in a sewer tunnel like in The Fugitive. Suzanne\nlands on top of him.\n\nJAY\nTake your stinking paws off me, you\ndamn dirty ape!\nyelling up\nYO LUNCHBOX! HURRY UP!\n\nEXT. DAM ROAD--DAY\n\nBullets hitting the pavement around him, Silent bob dives\ninto the sewer grate as well, but--\n\nINT. SEWER TUNNEL\n\nSilent Bob gets stuck. Jay rolls his eyes.\n\nJAY\nYou fat fuck.\n\nSilent Bob struggles while Jay and Suzanne try to pull him\nthrough the hole.\n\nJAY\nYou just--had to--order pancakes--\ndidn\'t ya?\n\nEXT. DAM ROAD--SAME\n\nCLOSER on the running Willenholly and Sheriff.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nFire a warning shot into that bulbous\nass!\n\nSHERIFF\nOne rectal breach, coming up!\n\nINT. SEWER TUNNEL--SAME\n\nJay and Suzanne pull with all their might. Bob strains.\n\nJAY\nSUCK IT IN! THINK THIN! THINK THIN!!!\n\nEXT. DAM ROAD--SAME\n\nTIGHT on the Sheriff, as he squints to aim.\n\nSHERIFF\nOpen up and say "ahhhhh," you stoner\nsumbitch--\n\nINT. SEWER TUNNEL--SAME\n\nTIGHT on Silent Bob bellowing.\n\nSILENT BOB\nAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!\n\nEXT. DAM ROAD--DAY\n\nThe Sheriff\'s gun fires.\n\nINT. SEWER TUNNEL--SAME\n\nJay and Suzanne fall backwards, as Silent Bob pops through.\n\nJAY\nINCOMING!!!\n\nSILENT BOB\nAAAIIIGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!\n\nSUZANNE\nOOOOOOOOO!!!\n\nEXT. DAM ROAD--DAY\n\nThe bullet ricochets off the curb, as Silent Bob\'s feet slip\nthrough.\n\nINT. SEWER TUNNEL--SAME\n\nJay, Silent Bob, and Suzanne are in various states of\ncollapse. Jay and Bob look up at the hole.\n\nJAY\nJust like Winnie-the-Pooh.\n\nEXT. DAM ROAD--DAY\n\nWillenholly and the Sheriff arrive at the manhole.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nWow! That was an incredibly daring\nescape!\nto Sheriff\nYou must see that a lot, hunh?\n\nSHERIFF\nShut up!\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nSire, you\'re very taciturn.\n\nWillenholly starts rolling up his sleeves as the sheriff\nlooks on.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nYou and your men stay up here. When\nI corner them, I\'ll call you for\nback-up.\n\nSHERIFF\nWhat\'re you doing? They\'re trapped.\nThe only way they can get out of\nthere is right here.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nA Federal Wildlife Marshal doesn\'t\nwait for his prey to come to him. He\ncomes to it. Or goes to it. Is it\n"comes to it" or "goes to it"?\nshakes it off\nI\'m going in there. I\'m counting on\nyou Sheriff.\n\nWillenholly embraces the Sheriff.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nYou\'ve taught me so much.\n\nWillenholly then climbs into the sewer, disappearing. The\nCops look at the Sheriff for a beat, who heads O.C. saying--\n\nSHERIFF\nFuck this asshole. Let\'s go back to\nthe station and get some donuts.\n\nINT. SEWER TUNNEL--DAY\n\nTIGHT on Jay, Bob, and Suzanne, looking into the distance,\nbathed by natural light. We HEAR the loud sounds of water\nrushing.\n\nJAY\nThis reminds me of the night I fucked\nyour mom, yo. One big-wet, smelly,\ngaping hole, and me wishing I had a\nboard tied to my ass--\n\nPULL BACK to reveal Jay, Silent Bob and Suzanne standing at\nthe precipice of the sewer tunnel that pokes out of a DAM.\nWater rushed below.\n\nJAY\n--to keep from falling in.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nPUT THE MONKEY DOWN AND YOUR HANDS\nUP!\n\nWillenholly aims his gun at the trio\'s backs.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nMISTERS, DO YOU WANNA GET SHOT?!?\n\nOur heroes comply, but Jay speaks.\n\nJAY\nLOOK MAN--SHE DOESN\'T WANT TO GO\nBACK! THEY\'RE EXPERIMENTING ON HER!\nbeat\nAND FOR THE RECORD, I AIN\'T REALLY\nGAY!\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nI DON\'T CARE!\nbeat\nAND FOR THE RECORD, I KNEW THAT WASN\'T\nREALLY A LITTLE BOY.\n\nJAY\nSURE, FOR ONE MORE RECORD--\npointing to Silent\nBob\nHE LOVES COCK!\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nON YOUR KNEES!\n\nJay and Silent Bob face Willenholly and kneel. But Suzanne\'s\nstill looking out of the dam.\n\nJAY\nSee, man?! He\'s lining us up like\nfucking circus seals! Well, I\'m going\nfirst--I don\'t want no mouthful of\nmonkey-spit when I gotta blow this\nfucking G-Man.\n\nTIGHT on Suzanne, who\'s looking down at the raging water\nbelow. Her brow hardens with purpose.\n\nTIGHT on Suzanne\'s right hand grabbing Jay\'s right hand.\n\nTIGHT on Suzanne\'s left hand grabbing Bob\'s left hand.\n\nSuzanne leaps forward at us, pulling Jay and Silent Bob\nbackwards.\n\nJAY\nGET OFFA ME!!! GET OFFA ME!!!\n\nEXT. DAM--DAY\n\nSuzanne leaps from the mouth of the tunnel, dragging Jay and\nBob with her.\n\nJAY AND BOB\nAAAAIIIGGGGGHHHHH!!!\n\nINT. SEWER TUNNEL--DAY\n\nWillenholly goes wide-eyed, holstering his gun.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nOh, no--think you can pull a Peter\nPan on me?!\n\nHe races toward the mouth of the tunnel and leaps out as\nwell.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nAAAIIIGGGGHHHHH!!!\n\nEXT. DAM--DAY\n\nAs Willenholly plummets, he passes Suzanne hanging by her\nfeet off a pipe that pokes out from beneath the mouth of the\ntunnel. She\'s hanging upside down, holding Jay and Silent\nBob\'s hands.\n\nJAY\nHEY LAW-DOG! SEE YOU IN HELL, COCK--\nSMOKER!!!\n\nEXT. DAM BOTTOM--DAY\n\nWillenholly plummets toward the water below and ker-splashes\ninto the drink.\n\nEXT. DAM--DAY\n\nSuzanne has pulled Jay and Silent Bob back into the mouth of\nthe tunnel.\n\nJAY\nYou see that shit? Damn--remind me\nnot to get on the monkey\'s bad side.\nYo--boost her up. So we can talk, so\nwe can get the fuck out of here.\n\nSilent Bob lifts Suzanne over the tunnel onto the--\n\nEXT. DAM ROAD--DAY\n\n--pavement near the manhole. She sits there, looking down.\n\nEXT. DAM--DAY\n\nSilent Bob lifts Jay over the top of the tunnel toward the\nroad,\n\nEXT. DAM ROAD--DAY\n\nSuzanne sits by the side of the road. A car pulls into the\nshot.\n\nJay and Silent Bob climb over the cliff onto the highway\njust in time to see--\n\nThe passenger door slamming on a TRUCK with Los Angeles plates\nand a sign that reads CRITTERS OF HOLLYWOOD. Suzanne is\nlooking out the back window waving. Jay and Bob leap to\ntheir feet, chasing after the truck.\n\nJAY\nHEY! GET THE FUCK OFF HER, MAN! THAT\'S\nMY EX-GIRLFRIEND\'S MONKEY?!\n\nThe truck speeds away in the distance. Jay and Silent Bob\nstand there, panting.\n\nJAY\nMan! Who the fuck just steals a\nmonkey?!\n\nSilent Bob indicates themselves.\n\nJAY\nOh yeah.\npissed\nWell this fucking blows! We got one\nmore day to stop those fucks from\nmaking that movie, and someone goes\nand takes the only thing I had left\nfrom the one woman I ever loved enough\nNOT to try to stick my hand down her\npants!\n\nSilent Bob mimes that they should go after Suzanne.\n\nJAY\nGo after the monkey? How the fuck\nare we supposed to know where that\nthing\'s going?\n\nSilent Bob mimes in the direction the car went. Jay stares\nat him.\n\nJAY\nWhat? What is that supposed to mean?!\nDon\'t just fucking point like--\nimitates him\nYou ain\'t the broad in the Children\nof a Lesser God. Use you fucking\nmouth for more than eating, ya tubby\nbitch!\n\nBob starts an elaborate pantomime. Jay tries to guess what\nhe\'s saying.\n\nJAY\nYou gotta take a shit? No--you gotta\ntake a salad? Take a salad? What the\nfuck are you trying to say?\n\nBob\'s on the verge of tears, trying to mime out his message.\n\nJAY\nJUST FUCKING SAY IT ALREADY?!?\n\nSilent Bob grabs Jay and screams into his face.\n\nSILENT BOB\nTHE SIGN ON THE BACK OF THE CAR SAID\nCRITTERS OF HOLLYWOOD, YOU DUMB\nFUCK!!!\n\nBob releases Jay, breathing heavily and storms off in the\ndirection of the car went. Jay watched him go for a beat,\nthen follows, muttering under his breath--\n\nJAY\nSay it, don\'t spray it, bitch.\n\nEXT. SHERIFF\'S OFFICE--DAY\n\nAN ESTABLISHING SHOT.\n\nSHERIFF O.S.\n"And might I add, that\'s one fine-\nlooking boy you\'re raising."\n\nINT. SHERIFF\'S OFFICE--DAY\n\nThe Sheriff and his men stand around, eating donuts, laughing.\nThe Station doors slam open, and Willenholly enters, soaking\nwet. All the Cops stare at him.\n\nSHERIFF\nWell, if it isn\'t the wildlife\nexperts. Did you come to it or go to\nit?\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nDo you have a microwave here, Sheriff?\n\nSHERIFF\nWe have a toaster oven. Why?\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nBecause I need to dry my gun out so\nI can SHOOT YOU WITH IT ! TWICE!\n\nSHERIFF\nThis might cheer you up.\nhands him paper\nYour office just faxed this over.\nGuy there say it\'s a post from an\nInternet chat board, signed by a\n"Jay and Silent Bob." Your man thinks\nit\'s a lead as to where those fellas\nare taking the ape.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nreading\n"All you motherfuckers are gonna\npay. You are the ones who are ball-\nlickers. We\'re gonna fuck your\nmothers while you watch and cry like\nlittle bitches. Once we get to\nHollywood--"\nlooks up\nThey\'re going to Hollywood.\n\nEXT. HOLLYWOOD--MONTAGE\n\nWe take a quick visual tour of the city, including the sign,\nthe line of front of Krispy Kreme, the line in front of Coffee\nBean and Tea Leaf, the Simpson star in the Walk- of- Fame,\nthe Rocky and Bullwinkle statue, the Beverly Center, Jerry\'s\nFamous Deli, the Hollywood and Vine sign, Mann\'s Chinese\nTheatre, the Star Wars footprints outside of Mann\'s, the\nChateau Marmont, people on cell phones, Trashy Lingerie.\nHOOKERS propositioning a potential JOHN, and finally--\n\nEXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD--DAY\n\nWe start on the street sign, and PAN DOWN to a JEEP WRANGLER\nthat pulls up. A gorgeous woman in sunglasses drives, with\nSilent Bob sitting in the back seat. After a beat, Jay pops\nup from under the dash, wiping his mouth, looking around.\nThe Woman sighs, and zips up her pants. Jay and Bob hop out\nand wave to the Woman as the car pulls away. Bob offers Jay\na look.\n\nJAY\nWhat? It\'s not like it\'s cheating.\nJustice blew up.\n\nTwo HOOKERS approach them.\n\nHOOKER 1\nHey, little man. You want some of\nthis?\n\nHOOKER 2\nHow about you, Big Boy?\n\nHOOKER 1\nIf you\'ve got fifty bucks we can get\nnasty.\n\nJAY\nOh yeah? How nasty?\n\nHOOKER 2\nAs nasty as you wanna be, poppie.\n\nJAY\nAlright--first, I\'ll want to tongue\nyour bung while you juggle my balls\nin one hand and play with my asshole\nwith the other. But don\'t stick you\nfinger in. Then. I\'ll wanna pinky\nyou and put it in your friend\'s brown,\nwhile Silent Bob spanks into a Dixie\ncup. After that, I\'ll wanna smell\nyour titties, for a while, and you\ncan pull my nutsack up over my dick,\nso it looks like a Bullfrog. Then I\nwant you to flick at my nuts while\nyour friend spanks me into the same\nDixie cup Silent Bob jizzed in. Then\nwe throw the Dixie cup out.\n\nThe Hookers look at him, dumbfounded, Then--\n\nHOOKER 1\nOh, that\'s it honey. I quit.\nwalking away\nThis job just passed the point of no\nreturn.\n\nHOOKER 2\nto Jay\nYou one fucked up puppy, poppie.\n\nJAY\nwatching them go\nWhat?! You said \'nasty\'?\nshakes his head; to\nBob\nMan, chicks in Hollywood are so stuck\nup.\n\nEXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD.--LATER\n\nJay and Silent Bob walk.\n\nJAY\nAlright, here\'s the plan: first, we\nfind out where they\'re shooting that\nmovie at. After we shut that shit\ndown, we can start looking for the\nmonkey. But before we do any of that\nshit, we gotta find a motherfucker\nin the know. Someone who\'s like, the\nmayor of Hollywood.\n\nThey pass a DEALER leaning against a wall, trying to make a\nsale.\n\nDEALER\nsubtly\nCrack? You want some crack? Sweet-\nass rock. Get you high.\n\nJAY\nNo man, but you want some weed?\n\nDEALER\nbeat\nYou on the job?\n\nJAY\npulling out a card\nYeah, boy. Jersey Local 408.\n\nCLOSE ON THE CARD. It reads: UNITED JERSEY BROTHERHOOD OF\nDEALERS, LOCAL 408.\n\nThere\'s a graphic of a stoner beside it.\n\nDEALER\nI\'m Los Angeles Local 305!\n\nThey shake hands, slapping each other on the back like Union\nbrothers.\n\nDEALER\nYou guys got medical in Jersey yet?\n\nJAY\nShit, no, we might have to strike in\nSeptember.\n\nDEALER\nNorma Rae like a motherfucker. You\ngots to get your benefits, you know\nwhat I\'m saying?\n\nJAY\nI hear that. Yo--maybe you can help\nus out. You know where they\'re\nshooting a movie around here.\n\nDEALER\nYou in this town and you gonna ask\nthat question? Be a little more\nspecific.\n\nJAY\nIt\'s a Miramax flick. We gotta bust\nit up so people stop calling us names\non the Internet, even though they\'re\nnot really talking about us but these\ncharacters based on us, and at the\nsame time, find my ex-girlfriend-who-\ngot-killed-in-a-car-explosion\'s\nmonkey.\n\nJay exhales. The Dealer stares at him for a beat.\n\nDEALER\nI don\'t know that the fuck you just\nsaid, little kid. But you touched a\nbrother\'s heart, so I\'m gonna help\nyou out with some directions to the\nstudio.\n\nJAY\nYou know where Miramax is at?\n\nDEALER\nFuck, yes. Miramax accounts for\nseventy-eight percent of my business.\n\nINT. E! ENTERTAINMENT NEWS--DAY\n\nAfter E! news logo plays. CUT TO STEVE KMETKO in studio.\n\nSTEVE KMETKO\nIs Hollywood ready for Jay and Silent\nBob? A source at the Federal Wildlife\nMarshal\'s Office tells us a posting\nwas pulled off an Internet movie\nchat board that was allegedly written\nby the two domestic terrorists\nthemselves. It\'s sending a shockwave\nthrough Hollywood. Jules Asner\'s on\nthe scene at Miramax Studios, Jules?\n\nJules Asner is in front of the Miramax Studios main gate.\n\nJULES ASNER\nSteve, the tenor of Tinseltown is\none of terror today, after the Federal\nWildlife Marshal\'s Office learned\nthat hot, new terrorists Jay and\nSilent Bob are targeting Miramax\nStudios for their next campaign of\nblood, violence and monkey-theft. In\nthe posting, pulled off Movie Poop\nShoot.com, the gruesome twosome\nthreatened, quote--\nreading\n"Once we get to Hollywood and find\nthose Miramax Expletive-Deleted who\nare making the Bluntman and Chronic\nmovie, we\'re gonna make \'em eat our\nExpletive-Deleted, then Expletive-\nDeleted, which is made up of our\nExpletive-Deleted, then eat their\nExpletive-Deleted, which is made up\nof our Expletive-Deleted that we\nmade \'em eat. Unquote. So far, we\nhaven\'t been able to get a statement\nfrom anyone here are the studio.\n\nBACK TO STEVE in the E! Studio.\n\nSTEVE\nJules, word has it that Ben Affleck\nand Matt Damon are on the lot,\nshooting a super-secret project.\nHave you seen then roaming around?\n\nBACK TO JULES at Miramax Studios.\n\nJULES\nNo, Steve. But I did see Casey Affleck\nbuying a soda at a concession stand\nearlier.\n\nSTEVE\nBut no sign of Jay and Silent Bob?\n\nJULES\nNone whatsoever. However, to be fair,\nall the feds have to work with is\nmurky videotape, so no one\'s even a\nhundred percent sure what Jay and\nSilent Bob look like, exactly. For\nall we know, they could already be\non the lot.\n\nAs Jules speaks, Jay and Bob walk into the frame behind her,\nlooking up at the studio sign. They then notice the camera\nand start waving behind Jules.\n\nINT. SEEDY MOTEL ROOM--DAY\n\nJustice goes wide-eyed, seeing Jay and Bob on E! She hops\nout of her seat.\n\nJUSTICE\nOh my God! Jay! No!\n\nJustice looks around, panicky. Her eyes fall on--\n\nThe diamonds, sitting atop the satchel on the table.\n\nJustice looks at the diamonds, then the TV screen. She thinks\nfor a beat, then--\n\nJUSTICE\nFuck it.\n\nShe pours the diamonds into the satchel, and shoves it in\nher pocket.\n\nINT. SEEDY MOTEL BEDROOM--DAY\n\nThe door slowly opens in the dark bedroom, and Justice crawls\nto the bedside table, reaching for a set of keys. In the\nbed, Missy and Chrissy make out under the sheets, moaning.\nSissy\'s banging the Pizza Delivery Guy against the vanity.\nJustice grabs the keys, leaving a note in their place. As\nshe crawls back out, we PUSH IN on the note, which reads:\nSORRY, GUYS--BUT I LOVE HIM.\n\nEXT. SEEDY MOTEL PARKING LOT--DAY\n\nThe convertible skids out, taking off.\n\nINT. SEEDY MOTEL HALLWAY--DAY\n\nThere\'s a loud scream, then Sissy, Missy, and Chrissy rush\ndown the stairs in varied states of undress and sheet-wrap.\nWiping their mouths. Sissy holds Justices\'s note.\n\nSISSY\nThat bitch! That fucking, fucking\nbitch!!!\nto girls\nGet dressed. We\'re going after her.\n\nCHRISSY\nFuck that, I didn\'t get to cum yet.\n\nSISSY\nWhich is more important to you: a\nfortune in diamonds or busting a\nnut?\n\nSissy and Missy race back up the stairs. Chrissy stands there\nstill, shrugs, then digs her hand into her panties.\n\nSISSY O.S.\nChrissy! Now!\n\nCHRISSY\nFuck--\n\nChrissy races back up the stairs.\n\nEXT. MIRAMAX STUDIOS-DAY\n\nThe E! NEWS CREW packs up. Jay and Silent Bob study the main\ngate. They watch the SECURITY GUARD approach a car that\'s\njust pulled up. The Guard checks the driver\'s pass, then\nlifts the gate to let the car through. Jay looks to Bob.\n\nJAY\nWe gotta play this right.\n\nBob nods, After a beat, the pair tear-ass past the guard\nbooth. The GUARD leaps out of the booth, blowing a whistle\nand giving chase.\n\nEXT. STUDIO LOT--DAY\n\nJay and Bob race around the building toward what looks like\nan open alley then smash into it, falling down. The open\nalley is a background painting that\'s being moved by some\nSCENICS. Jay and Bob get up, shaking off the impact.\n\nJAY\nI hate how fake Hollywood is.\n\nThe SECURITY GUARD catches up to them now, grabbing them by\ntheir shoulders, spinning them around.\n\nSECURITY GUARD\nWhere do you think you\'re going?\n\nJAY\nGET OFFA ME! RAAAAAPE!!!\n\nSECURITY GUARD\nThis is L.A., sir. We don\'t rape our\nsuspects in custody. We just beat\nthem.\ninto walkie-talkie\nEcho Base, I\'ve got a ten-o-seven\nhere: two unauthorizeds on the lot.\nRequest back-up.\n\nVOICE\nfrom walkie-talkie\nI thought that was a ten-eighty-two.\n\nSECURITY GUARD\nNo, sir--a ten-eight-two is the code\nfor vanishing a dead hooker from Ben\nAffleck\'s trailer.\n\nVOICE\nfrom walkie-talkie\nOh, that Affleck. Backup on the way.\n\nJAY\nHey! I make you a deal: this guy\'ll\nsuck your dick off if you let us go!\n\nSECURITY GUARD\nContrary to what you believe, not\neveryone in the movie business is\ngay.\n\nJAY\nWell, how about this deal: he sucks\nmy dick while you watch and jerk\noff.\n\nThe Security Guard stops, looks around, then releases them,\nreaching into his pants.\n\nSECURITY GUARD\nAlright. But make is fast. And sexy.\n\nSilent Bob looks at Jay, wide-eyed and scared.\n\nJAY\nDude, it\'s either this or jail. And\nyou know what they make you do in\njail.\n\nSilent Bob wells up with tears, slowly dropping to his knees,\nreaching for Jay\'s pants. The Security guard bends down low\nto watch at crotch-level. Suddenly, Jay hammers his two fists\ninto the Security Guard\'s neck, knocking him out. Silent\nBob falls into a sitting position on the ground, relieved.\nJay looks at him.\n\nJAY\nWell what are you waiting for, bitch?\nStart sucking. Bunnggg!\nlooking around\nAlright--where they shooting this\nmovie at?\n\nSilent Bob points behind Jay, at the SOUNDSTAGE they\'re in\nfront of. There\'s a LINE OF PEOPLE waiting at the door.\n\nJAY\nWorth a shot. Like a shot in the\nmouth, you gay bitch. Eww, dude--you\nwere really gonna suck my dick.\n\nSilent Bob shakes his head "no," wide-eyed as Jay heads off.\nWhen Jay\'s out of frame, Silent bob shrugs like, "Yeah--I\nguess I was."\n\nEXT. SOUNDSTAGE--DAY\n\nJay and Bob approach the line, as an A.D. calls out to the\ncrowd.\n\nA.D.\nAlright--bar extras. Follow me.\n\nThe A.D. starts leading the crowd in. Jay and Bob blend in\nand follow inside.\n\nEXT. HIGHWAY--DAY\n\nAn official-looking car tears down the road.\n\nINT. CAR--SAME\n\nWillenholly drives, dialing his cell phone.\n\nPHONE VOICE\nFederal Bureau of Investigation\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nYes, this is Federal Wildlife Marshal\nWillenholly. Can I speak with Agent\nSid Enmarty, please?\n\nPHONE VOICE\nOne moment, please.\n\nINT. AGENT ENMARTY\'S OFFICE--SAME\n\nAGENT SID ENMARTY works at his desk.\n\nSPEAKER VOICE\nAgent Enmarty? A Marshal Willenholly\ncalling.\n\nAGENT SID\nperking up\nHoly shit! Yeah, put him through.\ncalling off\nYO! INCOMING BITCH BOY PHONER!\n\nTwo other AGENTS rush in, chuckling. All gather around the\nphone as Sid presses the speaker button.\n\nAGENT SID\nWillenholly?\n\nBEGIN CROSS-CUTTING WITH WILLENHOLLY.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nSid? Hey, buddy. I\'m calling because\nI could really use your help on this\nkiller case I\'m working.\n\nAGENT SID\nI\'ll bet, Will. What\'s it this time...\nBeaver trouble? Some kind of\nunauthorized marsupial trafficking?\n\nThe agents crack up, stifling their laughter.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\ntaking it in stride\nNo, no--nothing like that. Say--there\naren\'t other people listening in,\nare there?\n\nAGENT SID\nNo way, man. It\'s just me and you\ntalking here.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nGood. I\'m tracking a monkey down\nthat\'s on it\'s way to Los Angeles,\nand I could use some bureau backup.\n\nAGENT SID\nLos Angeles, hunh? Maybe we should\nstake out Clint Eastwood\'s place.\nDidn\'t he used to drive around with\na monkey that\'d punch people and\ndrink beer?\n\nThe Agents crack up. Willenholly\'s catching on.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nAm, uh--Am I on speaker phone?\n\nAGENT SID\nNo way--Dunston!\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nAlright, now that\'s not fair. I know\nI didn\'t make it as high up as you\nguys, but my job\'s just as important.\n\nAGENT SID\nCalm down, Will. Don\'t go all...\nbananas on us!\n\nThe Agents crack up even more, Willenholly\'s pissed.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nI come to you as a friend--as a fellow\nprofessional--and this is the shit I\nget?!\n\nAGENT SID\nYou\'re right, Will. Tell you what--\nwe\'ll get our best man on your case\nright away. You might\'ve heard of\nhim. He\'s a doctor.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nexcited\nOh, a doctor?\n\nAGENT SID\nHis name\'s Doctor Zaius!\n\nThe Agents laugh hysterically, pounding the desk, Willenholly\ntears up, enraged.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nSCREW YOU GUYS!\n\nWillenholly throws his cell phone across the car, the mocking\nlaughter still emitting from it. Willenholly cries.\n\nEXT. MIRAMAX STUDIOS LOT--DAY\n\nThe Red Light FLASHES outside the soundstage.\n\nINT. SOUNDSTAGE--SAME\n\nJay and silent Bob stand amidst a line of EXTRAS. Silent Bob\nlooks O.C. goes wide-eyed, and pokes Jay, pointing O.C. Jay\nlooks and sees--\n\nA COLLEGE BAR set that looks like the College Bar from Good\nWill Hunting, complete with CLARK the stuffy college jerk.\nMATT DAMON stands off to the side, loosening up for the scene.\nBEN AFFLECK calls to the O.C. DIRECTOR.\n\nBEN\nWhere are we taking it from, Gus?\n\nGus Van Sant sits off to the side, counting a stack of money.\nHe just shrugs.\n\nGUS\nI\'m busy.\n\nBEN\nYou\'re a true artist, Gus\n\nMATT\nJust take it from "It\'s a good\ncourse."\n\nBEN\nOh, now you\'re the director.\n\nMATT\nHey, shove it. Bounce-boy. Let\'s\nremember who talked who into doing\nthis shit in the first place. Talking\nme into Dogma was one thing, but\nthis--\n\nBEN\nI\'m sorry this is taking you away\nfrom whatever-gay-killers-on-horses-\nwho-like-to-play-golf-touchy-feely-\nflick you\'re supposed to be doing\nthis week.\n\nMATT\nOh--I\'m touchy-feely? I take it you\nnever saw Forces of Nature?\n\nBEN\nYou\'re like a child. What\'ve I been\ntelling you? Sometimes you\'ve gotta\ndo the safe picture. Sometimes, you\ndo it for art. Sometimes, it\'s the\npayback picture your friend says you\nowe him--\n\nThey take a beat and look at the camera. Then--\n\nBEN\nAnd sometimes, you go back to the\nwell.\n\nMATT\nAnd sometimes, you do Reindeer Games.\n\nBEN\nNow that\'s just mean.\n\nJay turns excitedly to Bob.\n\nJAY\nThis has gotta be the Bluntman Flick,\n\'cause that\'s those two fucks from\nthat Mork movie! Now all we gotta do\nis figure out a way to get close to\nthem--\n\nThe A.D. grabs Jay and Bob by the arms and drags them onto\nthe set, placing them near Ben and Matt in the scene.\n\nA.D.\nJust stand there and react. Don\'t\nsay anything.\n\nBob goes a little wide-eyed. Jay smiles at him.\n\nJAY\noff A.D.\'s comment\nThat\'s pretty funny.\n\nA.D.\ncalling out\nAlright, people. Lock it up. Let\'s\ngo for picture.\n\nJay and Bob eye Ben and Matt fiercely, Ben and Matt are\noblivious.\n\nJAY\nOn the count of three, we rush those\nfucks and beat the shit out of \'em.\n\'Cause if they\'re all fucked up,\nthey can\'t make the move, right?\nAlright, then. One--two--\n\nCLAPPER/LOADER O.S.\nGood Will Hunting Two: Hunting Season.\n\nJay and Bob freeze and look at each other, then O.C.\n\nThe Clapper/Loader holds a clapboard in front of Ben\'s face.\nIt does indeed, read: Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season.\n\nCLAPPER/LOADER\nScene sixteen, take five.\n\nThe Clapper/Loader claps the board closed and races off. Ben\nlooks to Gus.\n\nBEN\nAction, Gus?\n\nGus looks up from counting his money.\n\nGUS\nJesus, Ben--I said I\'m busy.\n\nBen shakes his head and then starts the scene with CLARK.\n\nBEN/CHUCKIE\nYou should check it out, it\'s a good\ncourse. But, you know, frankly, I\nfound the class rather elementary.\n\nCLARK\nYou know, I don\'t doubt that it was.\nI remember that class. It was just\nbetween recess and lunch.\n\nBEN/CHUCKIE\nAre we gonna have a problem, again?\n\nCLARK\nThere\'s no problem. I was still just\nhoping you might give me some insight\ninto the evolution of the market\neconomy in the Southern Colonies.\nSee, Wood says--\n\nMATT/WILL\nstepping in\nWhat\'d I say? Didn\'t I say you\'d be\nback here regurgitating Gordon Wood.\nBut you forgot about Vickers--\n\nCLARK\nNo, I just read Vickers, so I\'m up\non inherited wealth, Hunting. But\nyou\'re not the angry, brilliant young\nmind you once were, just itching to\nvent your frustrations.\n\nIn the background, Jay and Silent Bob get bored and head out\nof the shot. After a beat, they get pushed back in by the\nA.D.\n\nCLARK\nOnce Sean told you it wasn\'t your\nfault, you lost the edge, William.\nYou stopped hitting the books with a\nvengeance, and now I\'ve read shit\nyou haven\'t even heard about yet.\nFace facts, my friend--love made you\na soft little pussy boy, unable to\nstand up to an academic showdown,\nlike you used to. You\'re just no\nlonger that good--Will Hunting.\ngets in his face\nNow how do you like them apples?\n\nMatt/Will turns away angrily, facing Ben/Chuckie, looking\ndownwards, steaming.\n\nBEN/CHUCKIE\nI don\'t like the sound of them apples.\nWill, what\'re we gonna do now?\n\nMATT/WILL\nChuckie--\nsnarling\nIt\'s Hunting season.\n\nMatt/Will spins to face Clark with two huge guns in his hands.\nHe blows Clark away, Jay and Bob hit the deck. Matt/Will\nstands there, guns smoking.\n\nBEN/CHUCKIE\nApple sauce, bitch.\n\nSuddenly the door to the soundstage swings open, and the\nSecurity guard Jay knocked out rushes in, followed by other\nSECURITY GUARDS who comb the place.\n\nSECURITY GUARD\nSorry to interrupt, sirs, but have a\nten-oh-seven on our hands.\n\nBEN\nWait a second! I wasn\'t with any\nhookers today!\n\nThe Security Guard sees Jay and Bob crouched behind Ben, He\npoints, screaming.\n\nSECURITY GUARD\nTHERE THEY ARE!\n\nBen and Matt turn to Jay and Bob, Jay smiles.\n\nJAY\nAffleck, you\'re the bomb in Phantoms,\nyo.\n\nJay and Bob then race out-of-frame, closely followed by the\nSecurity guards. Matt head off, arms thrown in the air.\n\nMATT\nIf anyone\'s looking for me, I\'ll be\nin my trailer trying to figure out\nhow I got here from an Academy Award.\n\nEXT. SOUNDSTAGE--DAY\n\nJay and Bob rush out, pulling a bench in front of the door,\nblocking it. They race ten feet to another soundstage across\nfrom them and head inside a door.\n\nINT. SOUNDSTAGE--SAME\n\nJay and Silent Bob rush in to see--\n\nWes Craven getting ready to direct a scene with a familiar-\nlooking GHOSTFACE KILLER and SHANNEN DOHERTY. The\nClapper/Loader\'s clapboard reads: Scream 4\n\nCLAPPER/LOADER\nScream four, scene thirty-seven,\ntake one.\nclaps it and rushes\noff\n\nWES CRAVEN\nAction!\n\nThe Killer chases Shannen around the room, falling over stuff,\nuntil she hits him with a lamp, knocking him out.\n\nSHANNEN DOHERTY\nAlright, you bastard! Let\'s see who\nyou really are!\n\nShannen pulls the mask off the short performer to reveal\nSUZANNE.\n\nJay and Silent Bob go wide-eyed.\n\nSHANNEN DOHERTY\nFucking Miramax--\ngetting up\nCUT!\n\nShannen heads over to Wes, holding the mask.\n\nWES CRAVEN\nShannen, usually I say "cut."\n\nSHANNEN DOHERTY\nA monkey? Jesus, you guys aren\'t\neven trying anymore, are you?\n\nWES CRAVEN\nThe market research suggest that\npeople love monkeys.\n\nJay and Silent Bob rush in, grab Suzanne.\n\nJAY\nWE LOVE THIS MONKEY!\n\nThey rush out. West shrugs to Shannen.\n\nWES CRAVEN\nSee?\n\nSecurity Guards race through, chasing after the exited pair.\n\nEXT. LOT--DAY\n\nJay and Bob race through the lot, with Bob carrying Suzanne.\nOn a fake New York city street, another movie is shooting.\nThe trio, bob and weave through the shoot, until--\n\nAt the end of the alley, a set GOLF CART pulls up, and four\nSecurity Guards pile out, forming a human wall, blocking\ntheir path. Jay and Bob stop dead, looking back to see the\nother Security Guards gaining.\n\nJAY\nWhat the fuck are we gonna do?\n\nJust then, a P.A. on a bike pulls up nearby. He ditches the\nbike and grabs papers from the large hanging basket in front.\n\nJay and Bob look at each other, race over to the bike, and\njump on, putting Suzanne in the basket. They start pedaling\naway furiously, closely followed by the Security Guard posse.\nSilent Bob peddles like mad, racing toward the Golf Cart.\n\nJAY\nPUNCH IT!!!\n\nBob pops a wheelie and the Bike races up the front of the\nvehicle, taking flight,\n\nBelow, the Security Guards stare in awe as--\n\nJay and Silent Bob atop the bike--with Suzanne in the front\nbasket--go past a moon on a billboard, on the side of a\nsoundstage a la E.T.\n\nJay and Bob look down, then at each other. They smile. Then\nthey look ahead and let out a scream.\n\nThe bike crashes through a window in the side of a Soundstage\nBuilding.\n\nINT. DRESSING ROOM--DAY\n\nThe Bike lands, and Jay and Bob, and Suzanne go tumbling\nonto the floor covered in glass. They look up to see.\n\nJAMES VAN DER BEEK AND JASON BIGGS dressed as Jay and Silent\nBob, looking down as them.\n\nJAMES\nHoly shit--that looked like it hurt.\n\nJASON\nAre you guys alright?\noff Suzanne\nHey! They\'ve got a monkey!\n\nJay and Bob look at their twins, then at each other.\n\nJAY\nYo, I think that shit just kicked\nin.\n\nJAMES\nLet\'s get you guys on your feet.\n\nJames and Jason help Jay and Silent Bob to their feet. All\nstare at one another, perplexed,\n\nThen--\n\nJAY\nto James\nSee man? Its never, "Hey--you were\nin Loser, or, "Dude--you rocked in\nBoys and Girls." It always comes\nback to that fucking pie! I\'m haunted\nby it.!\n\nJAMES\nWell, you put your dick in a pie,\ndude--\n\nJASON\nEnough!\nto Jay\nJason Biggs.\n\nJAY\nYo-you really get to third base with\nthe Russsian chick like you did in\nthe movies?\n\nJASON\nYou mean Shannon? Sadly, no.\n\nJAY\nShe\'s fucking hot, man. If I was\nyou, I\'d been like--\n\nJay mimes a series of sexual maneuvers. Jason and James look\non, bewildered.\n\nJAY\noff James\'s-look\nWhat, man? You never did one of these?\n\nJay starts miming again, and suddenly stops, staring at James,\nblown away.\n\nJAY\nHoly shit? You\'re the Dawson!\n\nJAMES\nIt\'s James, actually. James Van Der\nBeek.\n\nJAY\nYo, what\'s up with Pacey stealing\nJoey away from you? If I was you, I\nwould\'ve drowned his ass in your\nCreek and shit!\n\nJAMES\nI know, Because what--is Josh better\nlooking than me? Fuck, no. I mean,\nwho on earth is better looking that\nme? I ask you.\n\nJAY\nJoey, man! She\'s too fine! Yo--did\nyou ever get to third base with her?\n\nJAMES\nWell, there was this one time--\ncatching himself\nWait a second--who are you guys?!\n\nJASON\nThey\'re our stunt doubles, dumbass.\nto Jay\nRight?\n\nJAY\nStunt doubles for what?\n\nJAMES\nThe movie we start shooting in a few\nminutes--Bluntman and Chronic Strike\nBack.\n\nJASON\nto Bob\nYou\'re doubling me. I\'m playing\nBluntman, AKA Silent Bill.\n\nJAMES\nBob\n\nJASON\nRight. And he\'s playing Chronic. AKA\nRay.\n\nJAMES\nJay! Shit, did you even read the\nscript?\n\nJASON\nThere\'s a script?\n\nJay and Bob stare at them, blankly. Then Jay puts up his\nfinger, indicating they should wait a minute. He gets into a\nhuddle with Silent Bob and Suzanne.\n\nJAY\nThese are the guys who are playing\nus, yo. We take them out, and bickety-\nbam! No movie.\n\nSilent Bob nods at Jay, then Suzanne. Suzanne heads off,\nleaving Jay and Bob to huddle.\n\nJASON\noff Jay and Bob, to\nJames\nWhat\'s with the weird, gay huddle\ngoing on over there?\n\nJAMES\nWhat\'s gay about it? It\'s two guys\ntalking in a corner. Man--why are\nyou such a homophobe.\n\nJASON\nI\'m not a homophobe.\n\nJAMES\nYou are. You\'re always calling things\ngay. "Ooo--look at the gay huddle,\ndude!"\n\nSuzanne approaches them.\n\nJASON\nHey--look at the monkey.\n\nJAMES\nNext you\'re going to tell me the\nmonkey\'s gay.\n\nJASON\nHe\'s so cute--\nto Suzanne\nC\'mere. Monkey. C\'mere--\n\nSuzanne pulls Jason and James out of the frame.\n\nWhile Jay and Silent Bob continue to huddle, the sounds of a\nbeating are heard, O.C.\n\nJAY\nAlright, here\'s what we do: start\nswinging, and don\'t stop until those\nyoung Hollywood fucks are out of\ncommission. Ready? Break!\n\nJay and Bob spin to face Jason and James--only to go wide-\neyed. Suzanne stands atop the fallen actors, who are bloodied\nand beaten and knocked out cold. She holds her hands skyward,\nclasped like a champion.\n\nJAY\nThat\'s one funky monkey.\n\nSuddenly there\'s a banging at the door of the dressing room.\n\nVOICE O.S.\nMister Biggs? Mister Van... Der--\nBeek? This is Security. We\'ve got a\npair of intruders at large, and they\ncrashed through a window we thought\nmight be yours.\n\nJAY\nto door; deepening\nvoice\nUh--yeah. They\'re in here.\n\nSECURITY GUARD\nDo they have you hostage? Should we\ncall your publicists?\n\nJAY\nNO! I mean, we kicked those guys\'\nasses bad. They\'re--knocked out.\n\nEXT. DRESSING ROOM--SAME\n\nThe Security Guards stand outside a door marked James.\n\nSECURITY GUARD\nGreat work, sirs! If you let us in,\nwe\'ll take over--\n\nJAY O.S.\nthrough door\nNO! Me and Jason Biggs are naked in\nhere! Together!\n\nThe Security guard look at one another.\n\nSECURITY GUARD\nUh--okay. We\'ll just be--outside the\ndoor, sirs.\n\nThe Security Guards stifle a laugh, as one makes a blow job\nface to the rest.\n\nINT. DRESSING ROOM--DAY\n\nBob opens an AIR VENT in the wall. He puts Suzanne into it\nand hands her the tranquilizer gun, miming to her. She nods,\nand starts crawling through the ductwork, Bob closes the\nvent again, and starts rifling through a nearby closet.\n\nJAY\nWhat the fuck are we gonna do?! How\nare we gonna get out of here without\nthem seeing us?\n\nSilent Bob pulls a pair of hangered COSTUMES from the closet,\nsmiling.\n\nEXT. LOT--DAY\n\nThe Security Guards push a cuffed Jason and James into a\nwaiting Cop Car. The pair are still dressed like Jay and\nSilent Bob.\n\nJAMES\nYOU\'VE GOT THE WRONG GUYS!\n\nJASON\nHEY! DON\'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME?! I\'M\nTHE PIE-FUCKER.\n\nSECURITY GUARD\nto Cops\nHe\'ll be the pie--in prison.\n\nINT. SOUNDSTAGE HALLWAY--DAY\n\nJay and Bob creep toward a door we don\'t see the outfits.\n\nJAY\nThis was a good idea, Lunchbox. In\nthese outfits we\'re totally incognito.\n\nSuddenly, and A.D. appears, grabbing them by the shoulders.\n\nA.D.\nMister Biggs? Mister Van Der Beek?\nGreat--you\'ve changed costumes\nalready. Let\'s get you to set.\npulling them off\nThe director doesn\'t like to be kept\nwaiting.\n\nINT. SOUNDSTAGE--BLUNTCAVE SET\n\nIt looks like the Batcave, but it\'s not. Off to the side,\nnear the monitor and chair setup, a black DIRECTOR eyeballs\nthe hustling, white crew.\n\nDIRECTOR\nLook at all these crackers, Seventy\nmillion dollars and I can\'t even get\na black grip?\n\nA white P.A. brings a cup of latte to the Director.\n\nP.A.\nHere\'s your coffee, sir.\n\nDIRECTOR\neyes the coffee\nYou spit in this? Because I know\nall you white folks are pissed off\nthat the studio\'d entrust a multi-\nmillion dollar to a brother.\n\nP.A.\nI didn\'t spit in it, sir.\n\nDIRECTOR\nThen taste it! Go on!\n\nThe P.A. takes the cup and sips from it. He tries to hand it\nback to the Director.\n\nP.A.\nIt\'s all good, sir.\n\nDIRECTOR\nNo it ain\'t all good. Oh, you think\nI want it now, after your lips touched\nthe cup? Get the fuck off my set!\n\nP.A.\nYou the man, sir.\n\nDIRECTOR\nNo you the Man! And that\'s the\nproblem!\n\nThe Director glares at the scared P.A., as he cautiously\nskulks off. BANKY EDWARDS approaches.\n\nBANKY\nUh, Chaka? Yeah, hi--I\'m Banky\nEdwards, the creator of Bluntman and\nChronic. We met a few weeks back.\nI\'m the executive producer.\n\nDIRECTOR/CHAKA\nOh--you\'re the executive producer,\nhunh? Well go "produce" me a latte\nno white folks spit in--okay Fucky?\n\nBANKY\nBanky. I just wanted you to know\nthat I respect your work as an artist.\nI\'m something of an artist myself. I\nwas the inker on the comic book.\n\nCHAKA\nAn inker? What, like you trace?\n\nBanky\'s face drops as the A.D. joins them.\n\nA.D.\nBiggs and Van Der Beek are on the\nset, Chaka.\n\nCHAKA\nI don\'t see \'em. Where are they?\ninto bullhorn\nWHERE THE FUCK ARE THE STARS OF THIS\nPIECE OF SHIT?!\n\nOn the Bluntcave set, two massive doors open in the fake\nrock. Smoke pours in, and Jay and Silent Bob--now dressed as\nBLUNTMAN AND CHRONIC--step from the darkness. Jay and Bob\nsurvey the set, amazed.\n\nJAY\nThis must\'ve set \'em back a couple\nhundred bucks.\n\nCHAKA\nLook at this shit.\noff their outfits\nA gay hood ornament, and the color\nPurple.\n\nJAY\nWho the fuck are you?\n\nCHAKA\nWho the fuck am I? I\'m the fucking\ndirector, is who I am. Chaka Luther\nKing. The creator of all of this.\n\nJAY\nWait a sec--I thought Holden and\nBanky created this shit.\n\nCHAKA\nAnd I\'m stealing it. I\'m taking it\nback for all the shit you people\nhave stolen from us! Did you know, I\ncame up with the idea for Sesame\nStreet before PBS? I was going to\ncall it N.W.P.--Niggaz with Puppets.\nbeat\nAlright--enough small talk. Let\'s\nshoot it.\n\nChaka heads back toward his monitor. Jay and Bob are confused.\n\nJAY\nWait, wait, wait!! Aren\'t you gonna\ndirect us?\n\nCHAKA\nI\'ll be directing you to the food\nstamps line after I fire your ass,\nif you talk back like that to me\nagain!\n\nJAY\nBut we don\'t know what we\'re supposed\nto do here. We didn\'t even read the\nscript.\n\nCHAKA\nSo? Neither did I. Shit, neither did\nthe studio.\npointing O.C.\nLook man, it\'s not hard. In this\nscene, the bad guy breaks into the\nBluntcave. You make up some shit,\nfight him for a while, I film it, I\nyell "cut," and then head back to my\ntrailer, where I got more white women\nwaiting for me there than the first\nlifeboat off the Titanic!\nconfidentially\nThey all want a part of the movie,\nand I got just the part for \'em.\n\nJay and Silent Bob go wide-eyed, as Chaka heads off.\n\nCHAKA\nLET\'S ROLL WITH THE NEW!\n\nA.D. O.S.\nQUIET ON THE SET! THIS IS A TAKE!\n\nChaka climbs behind his monitor. The P.A. is waiting for him\nwith another cup of coffee.\n\nP.A.\nI got you another cup of coffee,\nsir. Spit free.\n\nChaka smacks the coffee out of his hand and sits down.\n\nThe Clapper/Loader jumps in front of the startled Jay and\nBob, getting ready. After a beat, he turns to Silent Bob.\n\nCLAPPER/LOADER\nI just wanna say that I loved when\nyou fucked that pie.\ncalling off\nBLUNTMAN AND CHRONIC STRIKE BACK,\nSCENE THIRTY-SEVEN, TAKE ONE!\n\nThe clapper/Loader shuts the clapboard and races off. From\nbehind the monitor,\n\nChaka calls out--\n\nCHAKA\nACTION!\n\nJay and Bob as Bluntman and Chronic look at each other for\na beat. Then--\n\nJAY/CHRONIC\nUh--Snootchie Bootchies.\n\nSuddenly, the wall to their left explodes. Jay and Bob hit\nthe deck. Through the smoking rubble steps COCK-KNOCKER--the\narch--nemesis of Bluntman and Chronic. He\'s a normal-looking\nman with huge, overgrown FISTS.\n\nJAY/CHRONIC\nWhat the fuck?\n\nCOCK-KNOCKER\nYou thought I\'d never find your\nprecious Bluntcave, did you, Hemp\nKnight? But now you and your sidekick\nare finally in the grasp of Cock-\nKnocker!\n\nJAY/CHRONIC\nWhy do they call you "Cock-Knocker"?\n\nCock-Knocker slams one of his huge fists into Jay\'s balls.\nJay drops to his knees, wailing. Cock-Knocker then pulls a\nvibrator-looking device from his cape. He presses a button\non it and a laser beam rises out of the vibrator, like a\nlight saber.\n\nCOCK-KNOCKER\nAny last words before I bust your\nballs, Bluntman?\n\nSilent Bob quickly looks right, then left. His eyes fall on--\n\nA wall of armaments, on which hands a SILVER BONG, under the\nplacard: BONG SABER--EXTREMELY EXPERIMENTAL. DO NOT USE.\nIt\'s out of his reach.\n\nSilent Bob closes his eyes, concentrating. He reached his\nhand out to the Bong Saber, attempting the Jedi Mind Trick.\n\nSuddenly, the Bong snaps from the armory into Bob\'s grip.\nThe Bong Saber blasts to life and Bob strikes a defensive\npose. Bob rushes the astonished Cock-Knocker and the pair\nstart light saber dueling.\n\nCHAKA\nfrom behind monitor\nDamn! Now that was one special effect!\nThis picture\'s gonna make House Party\nlook like House Party Two!\n\nA.D.\nOr House Party Three?\n\nCHAKA\nShut the fuck up!\n\nCock-Knocker battles Bob back. He vogues some impressive\nblade handling, prompting Bob to make a run for it--up the\nladder of the Bong Reactor and over Cock-Knocker\'s head. He\nlands behind Cock-Knocker, striking another pose. Cock-\nKnocker then high- kicks Bob in the face, knocking him on\nhis ass across the floor. Cock-Knocker rushers over to deliver\na saber kill-shot, when we hear--\n\nJAY O.S.\nYO-BITCH-FISTS!\n\nCock-Knocker turns to see--\n\nJay, standing on the rotating monitor station, holding a\ndouble-sided saber. He clicks it and TWO beams emit a la\nthe Darth Maul light saber in Episode One.\n\nJAY\nCall me Darth Balls. Bunngg.\n\nJay leaps at Cock-Knocker, wielding the double-beamed Bong\nSaber.\n\nCHAKA\nfrom behind the\nmonitor\nI think George Lucas is going to sue\nsomebody--\n\nEXT. SOUNDSTAGE--DAY\n\nWillenholly\'s car screeches up, and Willenholly jumps with a\nshotgun. He slides across the hood of the car and lands beside\nthe flashing red light.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nlooking around\nSo, this is Hollywood?\nsuddenly full of\npurpose\nLights, camera, action, Jay and Silent\nBob.\n\nWillenholly cocks his shotgun and heads for the door.\n\nINT. SOUNDSTAGE--DAY\n\nThe door bursts open, and Willenholly charges in, firing two\nshots, O.C.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nFREEZE YOU TERRORIST SONSABITCHES!!!\n\nWillenholly goes wide-eyed.\n\nIt\'s not Bluntcave. We\'re on a different soundstage, where a\nkid\'s movie\'s being shot: Mooby\'s Grand Adventure. There\'s a\nBarney-sized MOOBY surrounded by little KIDS. The Kids stare\nback at Willenholly terrified. The Mooby suit has smoking\nbullet holes in it. Mooby collapses.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nOh my God--\nto kids\nUm--sorry. That was supposed to be a\nwarning shot. Uh--it looks like I\'m\non the wrong, uh--wrong set.\n\nThe Kids look at the fallen Mooby. On looks angrily at the\nO.C. Willenholly.\n\nKID\nYou killed Mooby--\nto Kids\nLET\'S GET HIM!!!\n\nThe Kids charge Willenholly, who screams like a woman as\nhe\'s attacked.\n\nINT. SOUNDSTAGE--SAME\n\nJay attacks Cock-Knocker with his Bong Saber, full throttle.\n\nCOCK-KNOCKER\nbreaking character\nYou are not upstaging me, Van Der\nBeek!\n\nJay whacks away happily at the actor playing Cock-Knocker,\nhacking him up onto the ladder of the Bluntcave\'s nuclear\nreactor. Cock-Knocker climbs the ladder slightly to evade\nthe attack, dueling Jay back with the saber in his other\nhand.\n\nCOCK-KNOCKER\nto O.C. Chaka\nCHAKA--CALL OFF DAWSON! GIVE ME A\n"CUT"!\n\nOn cue, Jay delivers a kill-shot to one of Cock-Knocker\'s\nhuge fists, cutting it off a la Empire.\n\nSilent Bob joins Jay, as Jay turns off this double-Bong Saber,\nJay grins at Cock-Knocker.\n\nJAY\nNow whose balls have been busted,\nbitch?\n\nSuddenly, a gun shot rings out.\n\nAll turn to see a roughed-up Willenholly, training his gun\nfirst on Jay, then Bob.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nThe C.L.I.T. stops here, Jay and\nSilent Bob!\nrevealing badge:\ncalling out\nEveryone stay calm. I\'m a Federal\nWildlife Marshal. These men are the\nleaders of a terrorist organization\nwanted for the abduction of a monkey.\n\nVOICE O.S.\nThey didn\'t really steal that monkey.\n\nAll turn to see Justice approaching from the shadows.\nWillenholly trains his gun on her. Jay\'s mouth drops.\n\nJUSTICE\nIt was just a diversion so we could\nsteal these.\n\nJustice pulls the bag of diamonds from her jacket, revealing\nthem.\n\nJUSTICE\nAnd they\'re not the leaders of\nC.L.I.T. The C.L.I.T. is not real.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nNo--the clit\'s real. The female orgasm\nis a myth.\n\nJUSTICE\nto Jay\nAre you guys alright?\n\nJAY\nI thought you blew up, Boo Boo Kitty\nFuck.\n\nJUSTICE\nsmiling\nYou remembered.\nback to business\nIt was a frame-up, Jay. Sissy. Missy,\nChrissy, and I are international\njewel thieves. We were setting you\nup as a patsy, but I couldn\'t go\nthrough with it, because I... because\nI love you.\n\nJAY\nYeah? So that means you\'ll fuck me,\nright?\n\nVOICE O.S.\nIf she does, it\'ll be considered\nnecrophilia.\n\nAll turn to see Sissy, Missy, and Chrissy slinking from the\nshadows, guns drawn.\n\nSISSY\nBecause she\'s gonna be one dead bitch.\nto Justice\nHi, Jussy. We catch you at a bad\ntime?\n\nMISSY\nYou should\'ve just let these guys go\ndown, Jussy.\n\nJAY\nHey, I wanted to go down, but I was\nwaiting until I got to know her a\nlittle better. See, there was this\nlittle angel on my shoulder, and he\nsaid--\n\nCHRISSY\nShut the fuck up before I shoot you\nwhere you stand in your pansy red\nbooties.\n\nJAY\nlooking down\nHoly shit, I am wearing pansy red\nbooties!\nto Bob\nMan--why the fuck didn\'t you tell\nme?\n\nSISSY\nLet\'s have those diamonds, Jussy.\n\nJUSTICE\nI can\'t do that, Sissy\n\nSISSY\npoints her gun at\nJay\nThen lover--boy gets one in the brain.\n\nCHAKA\nYO!\n\nAll turn to look at Chaka.\n\nCHAKA\nWould any of you lovely ladies like\na private audition to be in my movie?\n\nJustice high-kicks the gun out of Sissy\'s hand. It lands on\nthe ground discharging. Then everyone starts shooting and\nrunning for cover.\n\nJay and Silent Bob hurl themselves over the Bluntmobile.\n\nMissy and Chrissy flip over a lavish, exquisitely-packed\ncraft service table labeled. CAST. They pop back up and start\nfiring at Willenholly. Willenholly leaps behind a barren\ncraft service table that holds a bag of Smarties and a dented\ncan of RC Cola. He pops up and returns fire. When both are\nout of bullets, they drop back down behind the table and\nreload. From behind his table,\n\nWillenholly yells--\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nWHY ARE YOU SHOOTING AT ME?!?! I\'M\nJUST A FEDERAL WILDLIFE MARSHAL!!!\n\nCHRISSY\nTWO REASONS: ONE--WE\'RE WALKING,\nTALKING BAD GIRLS, CLICHES!\n\nMISSY\nAND TWO: BECAUSE YOU\'RE A MAN.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nONLY ON THE OUTSIDE!\n\nThe Girls and Willenholly both pop back up and open fire\nagain.\n\nChaka ducks behind the monitor.\n\nCHAKA\nA shitload of white people with guns?\nTime to get my black ass out of here!\n\nHe races off, passing Justice and Sissy, who circle each\nother defensively, striking kung fu poses.\n\nSISSY\nYou really let me down, Justice.\nThrowing it all away for a little\nstoner with bad pronunciation.\n\nJAY O.S.\nHEY!\n\nJUSTICE\nignoring him\nWhat\'s it gonna be, Sissy? Which\nfighting style do you want me to\nkick your ass in?\n\nSISSY\nAre you kidding me? I taught you all\nall your moves myself. There\'s not a\nstyle you can bust that I can\'t defend\nagainst.\n\nJUSTICE\nYou\'re no match for my "Shaolin Monk."\n\nSISSY\nYeah, but I can bury you with my\n"Crouching Tiger."\n\nJUSTICE\nA little "Venus\'s--flytrap"?\n\nSISSY\nI\'ll counter with "Dragon Crane."\n\nJUSTICE\nHow about a little "Bitch, My Man\nAin\'t Yo Baby\'s Daddy"?\n\nSISSY\nbeat; smiles\nBring it on.\n\nJustice rushes Sissy and instead of sleek kung fu, they launch\ninto a down-and-dirty, girl\'s cat-fight; hair pulling and\nscreaming.\n\nBehind the Bluntmobile, Jay and Bob watch all the action.\n\nJAY\nYo--I hope one of \'em rips the other\none\'s shirt off and we see some tit.\n\nBoth Bob and Jay smile at each other, nodding. Banky joins\nthem, crawling in on his belly, covering his head.\n\nBANKY\nMister Biggs? Mister Van Der Beek? I\njust wanted to say hi. I\'m--\n\nJAY\nBanky fucking Edwards! Just the\nmotherfucker we came to see!\n\nBANKY\nshocked\nHoly shit! What the fuck are you\nguys doing here?!\n\nSissy has Justice on her belly, banging her face into the\nfloor, screeching. Jay, Bob, and Banky continue.\n\nBANKY\nStop the movie?! Are you crazy?!\n\nJAY\nAll these assholes are calling us\nnames on the Internet, \'cause of\nthis stupid movie!\n\nBANKY\nI feel for you boys--I really do.\nThose Net snipers can be really cruel.\nBut Miramax paid me a shitload of\nmoney for Bluntman and Chronic, so\nit occurs to me that people bad-\nmouthing you on some web-site is\nnone of my FUCKING CONCERN!\n\nSILENT BOB\nOh--but I think it is.\n\nBanky stares at Silent Bob, agog, Jay rolls his eyes.\n\nJAY\nHere we go again--\n\nSILENT BOB\nShut the fuck up.\nto Banky\nWe had a deal with you on the comics\nfor likeness rights. And as we\'re\nnot only the artistic basis but also\nthe character basis for your\nintellectual property, Bluntman and\nChronic, when we said property was\noptioned by Miramax Films you were\nlegally obliged to secure our\npermission to transfer the concept\nto another medium. As you failed to\ndo that, you\'re in breach of the\noriginal contract--ergo, you find\nyourself in a very actionable\nposition.\n\nBanky stares at Bob, even more agog, joined by Jay. After a\nbeat, Jay adds--\n\nJAY\nYeah.\n\nJustice now has the advantage over Sissy, holding her head\nand kicking her in the face, repeatedly, screaming.\n\nBANKY\nSo, what do you guys want, to go\naway and take your lady friends with\nyou?\n\nJAY\nShitcan this movie so we don\'t get\ncalled names on the Internet anymore.\n\nBANKY\nEven if there\'s no movie, people are\nstill free to talk shit about you on\nthe Internet. That\'s what the\nInternet\'s for: slandering others\nanonymously. Stopping the flick\nisn\'t going to stop that!\n\nIn the background, we see Justice high-kick Sissy into the\nair.\n\nJAY\nWell this isn\'t fair! We went to\nHollywood, I fell in love, we stole\na monkey, we got shot at, and got\npunched in the motherfucking nuts!\nWe ain\'t leaving empty-handed!\n\nOn cue, Sissy drops from above, landing in Jay\'s lap.\n\nJAY\nWhat\'s up baby? You look good!\n\nBANKY\nIsn\'t that your girlfriend\'s enemy?\n\nJAY\nOh yeah.\npushing Sissy off\nhim\nGet the fuck offa me, pig!\n\nSissy races at Justice, leaping atop her, pulling her hair.\n\nJay, Bob, and Banky continue.\n\nBANKY\nYou guys are gonna ruin my movie\ncareer.\n\nJAY\nWell, we want something for our mental\nanguish.\n\nBANKY\nTell you what: we\'ll settle this\nmonetarily. I\'ll give you half of\nwhat I made.\n\nJAY\nHalf?!?\n\nBANKY\nHalf\'s not good enough? Fine--I\'ll\ngive you two-thirds of what I made!\n\nJAY\nFuck-you--you already said half? You\ncan\'t take it back!\n\nSilent Bob rolls his eyes, Banky shakes Jay\'s hand.\n\nBANKY\nDone\n\nJustice throws Sissy off, onto the floor. Both get up, facing\neach other.\n\nSISSY\nYour shit is so tired, Justice!\n\nJUSTICE\nCall me Boo-Boo Kitty Fuck--BITCH!\n\nJustice high-kicks Sissy and she goes flying across the stage.\n\nSissy sails toward the craft service table, landing atop\nMissy and Chrissy, knocking them out.\n\nWillenholly stands to see why the girls stopped shooting.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nHello? Truce?\nbeat\nI think I killed both of them.\n\nSuddenly, he lets out a shriek and falls forward, revealing\na tranquilizer dart in his ass, and SUZANNE standing behind\nhim, holding the gun up in the air. Justice surveys her\nhandiwork for a beat, then calls off toward the Bluntmobile.\n\nJUSTICE\nC\'mon guys. It\'s over.\n\nJay, Bob, and Banky pop up from behind the car and join her.\n\nJAY\nYo, I was just about to jump in there\nand get your back.\n\nThen, the SOUND of SIRENS rings out in the distance.\n\nJAY\nHoly shit, the cops! We gotta get\nout of here!\n\nJUSTICE\nNo. I\'m tired of running.\n\nJustice lifts Willenholly into a sitting position and taps\nhis face.\n\nJUSTICE\nYou awake, Marshal? Marshal?\n\nWILLENHOLLY\ntries to move but\ncan\'t\nOh my God, I\'m paralyzed. The monkey\nshot me in the ass and paralyzed me!\nOh the irony!\n\nJUSTICE\noff Suzanne\'s gun\nYou\'re not paralyzed. It was just a\ntranquilizer.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nJesus! Tranqued by a little monkey!\nMy friends in the Bureau are never\ngonna let me live this down!\n\nJUSTICE\nYou have friends in the F.B.I.?\n\nWILLENHOLLY\ncrying\nThey all made it in, but I failed\nthe exam. Why the hell else do you\nthink I became a Federal Wildlife\nMarshal? \'Cause I\'m a joke!\n\nJustice looks toward the direction of the sirens, thinking.\nThen--\n\nJUSTICE\nMaybe not. I can make you a deal\nthat\'ll get you into the F.B.I.,\nregardless of test scores.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nWhat kind of deal?\n\nJUSTICE\nYou drop the charges against Jay and\nSilent Bob and say you never found\nthe ape. Make sure the world knows\nthey\'re not in control of any C.L.I.T.\n\nJAY\nNow wait a second--\n\nJUSTICE\nI\'ll explain later, Jay\nto Willenholly\nIn exchange, I\'ll give you the\ndiamonds I stole, and turn in Sissy,\nMissy, Chrissy, and myself. But I\nwant a reduced sentence.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nYou\'d be willing to do that?\n\nJUSTICE\noff Jay\nFor him? I\'d be willing to do\nanything.\n\nJustice stands and takes Jay by the hands.\n\nJUSTICE\nI\'m an international jewel thief\nwho\'s facing a jail sentence.\n\nJAY\nThat\'s alright. I\'m a junkie with a\nmonkey.\n\nJUSTICE\nIf I go to prison, will you wait for\nme?\n\nJAY\nI don\'t know. Will we fuck when you\nget out?\n\nJustice smiles and kisses Jay Passionately. The kiss should\nsay it all, but--\n\nJAY\nDon\'t change the subject. Will we\nfuck when you get out?\n\nJUSTICE\nSnoogans.\n\nJustice and Jay kiss again.\n\nSuzanne reached up to Silent Bob, who picks her up. She grabs\nhis face and kisses him.\n\nWillenholly looks to Banky.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nWow. There\'s a lot of love in the\nroom.\n\nBANKY\nRegardless of what you may have heard.\nI do not kiss guys.\n\nEXT. SOUNDSTAGE--LATER\n\nJustice and Jay are still kissing, until Willenholly pulls\nher away and loads her into the waiting Cop Car.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nSorry, Justice. We\'ve gotta go.\nto Jay: friendly\nHey--stop stealing monkeys.\n\nJAY\nFuck you.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nFair enough.\n\nWillenholly closes the door behind Justice and gets in the\ncar.\n\nJUSTICE\nto Jay\nWait for me.\n\nJAY\nWhat--here?\n\nJay looks at Justice, confused, as the Cruiser pulls away,\nleaving Jay, Bob, Suzanne, and Banky. They start walking\ndown the lot.\n\nBANKY\nWell, boys--you\'re rich in love--\nindicating Jay\nWell, you\'re in love. And to top\nthat off, you\'ve got your own monkey.\nWhat more could two guys from Jersey\npossibly want?\n\nJAY\nAll those fucks to stop talking shit\nabout us on the Internet, for\nstarters.\n\nBANKY\nWhat do I keep telling you? There\'s\nnot much you can do to stop that.\nWell, short of showing up at all\ntheir houses and beating the shit\nout of them, I guess.\n\nJay and Bob suddenly freeze. They look at each other and\nsmile.\n\nJAY\nto Bob\nYou know--with all that money we\'re\ngonna make we can buy a lotta plane\ntickets.\n\nSTART THE JAY AND BOB KICKASS MONTAGE\n\nEXT. SKY--DAY\n\nA passenger JET flies through the sky.\n\nEXT. SUBURBAN STREET--DAY\n\nJay and Bob stand across the street from a house. They check\nthe address on the big ream of paper they\'re carrying, nod\nat each other, and cross the street.\n\nINT. HOUSE--DAY\n\nThe doorbell rings. A MOTHER answers it to see Jay and Silent\nBob standing in the doorway.\n\nMOTHER\nCan I help you?\n\nJAY\nYes. Ma\'am, Does--\nreading of paper\nWilliam Dusky live here?\n\nMOTHER\nYes. He\'s my son.\n\nJAY\nMay we talk to him, please.\n\nMOTHER\nOne moment.\n\nShe walks away. After a beat, a fifteen-year-old KID comes\nto the door.\n\nKID\nYeah?\n\nJAY\nYo--do you post as--\nreading off paper\nMagnolia-Fan on Movie Poop Shoot.com?\n\nKID\nYeah.\n\nJAY\nAnd did you write "Fuck Jay and Silent\nBob. Fuck them up their stupid asses?\n\nKID\nYeah, a while ago. So?\n\nJay and Bob nod at each other, then grab the KID, pull him\noutside, and start beating the shit out of him on his front\nlawn.\n\nEXT. SKY--DAY\n\nThe passenger jet flies again, this time in the opposite\ndirection.\n\nEXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE--DAY\n\nJay and Bob knocking at another door. Another MOTHER answers.\nThey speak, she heads inside, and another KID comes to the\ndoor.\n\nJAY\nOn Movie Poop Shoot.com. did you say\nJay and Silent Bob--\nreading off paper\n"--are fucking clown shoes. If they\nwere real, I\'d beat the shit out of\nthem for being so stupid."\n\nKID\nchuckling\nYeah.\n\nJAY\nReally--\n\nAgain, Jay and Bob pull the Kid outside and beat the shit\nout of him.\n\nINT. CONVENIENCE STORE--DAY\n\nJay and Bob beat the shit out of a CLERK.\n\nEXT. APARTMENT BUILDING HALLWAY--DAY\n\nJay and Bob beat the shit out of a WOMAN.\n\nEXT. RECTORY--DAY\n\nJay and Bob beat the shit out of a PRIEST.\n\nINT. OFFICE--DAY\n\nJay and Bob beat the shit out of a BUSINESSMAN.\n\nEXT. MOVIE THEATRE--NIGHT\n\nThe marquee reads: JASON BIGGS AND JAMES VAN DER BEEK ARE\nBLUNTMAN AND CHRONIC!\n\nWORLD PREMIERE!\n\nThe front doors open and the CROWD lets out. First we see\nDANTE and RANDAL.\n\nRANDAL\nNow that was worse then Clash of the\nTitans.\n\nDANTE\nI still can\'t believe Judy Dench\nplayed me.\n\nRANDAL\nHey--remind me to renew that\nrestraining order.\n\nDANTE\nWhy?\n\nRANDAL\nBecause I\'m gonna blast the flick on\nthe Internet tonight.\n\nSTEVE-DAVE and WALT exit.\n\nSTEVE-DAVE\nWhy can\'t Hollywood ever make a decent\ncomic book movie?\n\nWALT\nTell\'em Steve-Dave!\n\nSTEVE-DAVE\nWould you stop saying that?\n\nALYSSA and TRISH come out.\n\nTRISH\nWell, that was just another paean to\nmale adolescence and its refusal to\ngrow up.\n\nALYSSA\nYeah, sis--but it was better than\nMallrats. At least Holden had the\ngood sense to keep his name off of\nit.\n\nTRISH\nWhy wouldn\'t Miramax option his other\ncomic instead? You know--the one he\ndrew about you and him and your\nrelationship?\n\nALYSSA\nYou mean Chasing Amy? That would\nnever work as a movie.\n\nBANKY and HOOPER exit.\n\nBANKY\nI\'m so fucking embarrassed--\n\nHOOPER\nHoney, you should be. They took your\ncharacters and reduced them to one\nninety-minute-long-gay joke. It was\nlike watching Batman and Robin again.\n\nBANKY\nThanks. That means a lot coming from\nthe guy who pretends to be Shaft as\nopposed to the guy who takes shaft.\n\nHOOPER\nI don\'t hear you complaining nightly.\nIn fact, the only thing I do hear\nyou say is "Yes, Hooper! Cradle the\nballs and work the shaft!"\n\nBANKY\nlooking around\nHey! Hey! What\'d we say? Not in\npublic!\n\nA guy behind them calls out to Banks.\n\nGUY\nNice movie, you fucking Tracer!\n\nBANKY\nrecognizing him\nYou--!\n\nGUY\nThat\'s right, you sonovabitch! I\'m\nback for round two!\n\nBanky grabs the guy by the throat and starts choking him,\nwhile Hooper tries to break them up.\n\nWILLENHOLLY exits with Justice in hand-and leg cuffs and a\nprison uniform. They\'re flanked by two ARMED PRISON GUARDS.\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nYou know, I don\'t get out to the\nmovies much. But I\'d have to say\nBluntman and Chronic was Blunt-tastic!\n\nJUSTICE\nAre these leg cuffs really necessary?\n\nWILLENHOLLY\nDon\'t make me shoot you, Justice.\n\nAnd finally, Jay and Silent Bob come out.\n\nJAY\nYO! THE PARTY\'S ACROSS THE STREET,\nFEATURING THE GREATEST BAND IN THE\nWORLD: MORRIS DAY AND THE TIME!!!\n\nWHIP PAN to Morris day and The Time on stage, performing\n"The Bird." During the song, Morris points to--\n\nJay and Bob, who are dancing with Suzanne and Justice who\'s\nstill in cuffs, flanked by the Guards. Jay looks to Bob,\nthey nod at each other and--\n\nJay and Silent Bob, join Morris Day and the TIME onstage,\nand dance us out to the coda, which reads--\n\nCODA\n\nBluntman and Chronic Strike Back went on to make a mere 2.3\nmillion at the box office. It was the biggest commercial\nfailure in the history of Miramax films. The film was roundly\ndrubbed as a bad idea by the denizens of the Internet chat\nboards, and over the course of the next year, while they\nwaited for the Quick Stop restraining order to expire, Jay\nand Silent Bob tracked them all down and beat the shit out\nof them.\n\nCREDITS. THEN--\n\nINT. NOWHERE\n\nA familiar WOMAN closes a book that\'s marked: THE VIEW\nASKEWNIVERSE. She puts the book down, smiles at us and skips\noff.\n\nTHE ENDEmbed', 'default'

Arab_Strap___Tanned

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"Tanned LyricsThe greek sun made you lovely but attacked me with it's rays\nI fell asleep and burned so badly\nI could barely move for the first few days\nThe girls in front all lay topless\n- I did my best not to look\nBut you could see right through my glasses as\n\nI pretended to read my book\nWe went for dinner then tried the cocktails\nAnd drank our way through the list\nFor the first time in ages we just sat\nAnd chatted then staggered home happy, tanned and pissedYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Ben_Folds_Five___Dont_Change_Your_Plans

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"Don’t Change Your Plans LyricsSometimes I get the feeling\nThat I won't be on this planet\nFor very long\nI really like it here\nI'm quite attached to it\nI hope I'm wrong\n\nAll I really wanna say\nYou're the reason I wanna stay\nI loved you 'fore I met you\nAnd I met you just in time\n'Cause there was nothing left\nI sat here on my suitcase\nIn our empty new apartment\n'Til the sun went down\nThen I walked back down the stairs\nWith all my bags and drove away\nYou must be freaking out\n\nAll I know is I gotta be\nWhere my heart says I oughta be\nIt often makes no sense\nIn fact\nI never understand these things I feel\n\nDon't change your plans for me\nI won't move to LA\nThe leaves are falling back east\nThat's where I'm gonna stay\n\nYou have made me smile again\nIn fact, I might be sore from it\nIt's been a while\nI know we've been together many times before\nI'll see you on the other side\n\nBut don't change your plans for me\nI won't move to LA\nThe leaves are falling back east\nThat's where I'm gonna stay\nYou might also likeAll I really wanna say\nIs you're the reason I wanna stay\nBut destiny is calling and won't hold\nAnd when my time is up I'm outta here\n\nAll I know is I've gotta be\nWhere my heart says I oughta be\nIt often makes no sense, in fact\nI never understand these things\nI feel\n\nI love you, goodbye\nI love you, goodbye1Embed", 'default'

Dean__Britta___White_Horses

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"White Horses LyricsOn white horses let me ride away\nTo my world of dreams so far away\nLet me run\nTo the sun\n\nTo a world my heart can understand\nIt's a gentle warm and wonderland\nFar away\nStars away\n\nWhere the clouds are made of candyfloss\nAs the day is born\nWhen the stars are gone\nWe'll race to meet the dawn\nSo when I can only see the grey\nOf a sad and very lonely day\nThat's when I\nSoftly sigh\nOn white horses\nSnowy white horses\nLet me ride awayYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

CKY___Close_Yet_Far

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"Close Yet Far LyricsWho said that I wasn't right?\nI've lived for years without a life\nDon't have a soul on my side\nStill ridiculed despite how hard that I have tried\nDon't take me under your wing\nI don't need a hand, don't need anything\nI've got a roof over my head\nAs if I'd rather be alone with me instead\n\nClose yet far\nDrop me a line and tell me how the hell you are\nAnd I'll tip my hat to those who can't believe it's me\nThough I never never never ever wanted this to be\nI can hear the sounds of the city\nSunrise and set are the same to me\nA hesitating pulse is good company\nAnd my reflection offers no apology\nBut who said that I wasn't right?\nAnd I've lived for years without a life\nDon't have a soul on my side\nStill ridiculed despite how hard that I have tried\n\nClose yet far\nDrop me a line and tell me how the hell you are\nAnd I'll tip my hat to those who can't believe it's me\nThough I never never never ever wanted this to be\n\nClose yet far\nDrop me a line and tell me how the hell you are\nAnd I'll think of the days when there was something to believe\nThough I never never never ever wanted this to beYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Diana_Krall___Ive_Got_You_Under_My_Skin

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"I’ve Got You Under My Skin LyricsI've got you under my skin\nI have got you deep in the heart of me\nSo deep in my heart, you're really a part of me\nAnd I've got you under my skin\n\nI have tried so, not to give in\nI've said to myself this affair it never would go so well\nBut why should I try to resist when I know so well\nThat I've got you under my skin\n\nI would sacrifice anything come what might\nFor the sake of having you near\nIn spite of a warning voice, that comes in the night and repeats in my ear\nDon't you know you fool you never can win\nUse your mentality, wake up to reality\nFor each time I do, just the thought of you makes me stop before I begin\nBecause I've got you under my skinSee Diana Krall LiveGet tickets as low as $67You might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Basia___Prime_Time_TV

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"Prime Time TV Lyrics[Verse 1:]\nIt's only here by popular demand\nWhere there's a hero\nYou'll find a villain\nIt is a tried and tested ost successful billing\n\nThey're in the kitchen\nThey're in the bedroom\nThey bring the world inside the home\nThey want to live in\nAs we look inside their private lives\nIt's really me and you\nWe're watching on the tube\nIn just one week\nYou'll be hooked so deep\nA dairy dose of soap on the screen\n\n[Chorus:]\nThis is prime time TV\nA real life drama\nAs seen on prime time TV\nYou can't turn it off\nAnd walk away\n\n[Verse 2:]\nThe same old story\nFrom rags to riches\nThe conflicting morals of a family business\nYou can't predict it\nNo\n\nThe play's so twisted\nMaybe that's the reason\nWhy it's so addictive\nAll the alibis and fake surprise\nYou might also likeWill Cecil B. DeMille be turning in his grave?\nBut even so like the ratings show\nWe'll watch it once again\nEvery time\n\n[Chorus:]\n'Cause this is prime time TV\nMore real life drama\nAs seen on prime time TV\n\nIt's only here by popular demand\nYeah\nYey, yey, yey\n\n[Bridge:]\nIs it a window?\nIs it a mirror?\nIs it just for entertainment for pleasure?\nSo when it's over\nWe're back to people\nJust to prove that human touch can have no equal\n\nAs we look inside their private lives\nIt's really me and you\nWe're watching on the tube\nIn just one week\nYou'll be hooked so deep\nA dairy dose of soap on the screen\nIt's only here by popular demand\n\n[Chorus:]\n'Cause this is prime time TV\nMore real life drama\nAs seen on prime time TV\nIt's only here by popular demand\n\n'Cause this is prime time TV\nMore real life drama\nAs seen on prime time TV\nIt's only here by popular demand\nIt's only here by popular demandEmbed", 'default'

Ivy___Ive_Got_A_Feeling_written_by_Ivy

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'I Hate Frasier Crane Lyrics[1.4]I Hate Frasier Crane\n\nI Hate Frasier Crane Written by Christopher Lloyd\n\nDirected by David Lee\n\n=====================================================================\n\n\nAct One.\nI HATE FRASIER CRANE\n\nScene One - Frasier\'s Apartment.\n\nIt\'s the early evening. Frasier is playing a tune on the piano,\nMartin is looking through some old police work, and Daphne is\nbusying herself in the kitchen. Frasier turns round to find Eddie\nstaring at him.\n\nFrasier: Dad, he\'s doing it again! Must this dog stare at me all the time?\n\nMartin: I don\'t know. Eddie - must ya? [Eddie carries on staring]\nApparently he must.\n\nFrasier: [to Eddie:] What is so fascinating about me? What is it?\nDo you imagine I am a large piece of kibble? Am I some\nsort of canine enigma? Think about it, get back to me.\n\nDaphne enters carrying a tray of food.\n\nDaphne: Here we are, gents, dinner\'s up. [to Martin:] Can I give you\na hand clearing up your papers?\n\nMartin: No, you better let me. I need to keep these in a particular\norder.\nDaphne: What is all this, anyway?\n\nMartin: Oh, it\'s an old case of mine from the police force - the\n“Weeping Lotus" murder.\n\nFrasier: Dad, I can\'t believe you\'re still trotting this old thing up.\nHe\'s been trying to solve this case for twenty years.\n\nMartin: Yeah, and I\'m not stopping until I do solve it. You adopt\ncertain instincts when you\'re a cop. And my instinct tells\nme that this case can be cracked. There just must be one\nsmall thing I keep overlooking. [tidies papers]\n\nFrasier: There is - who the murderer was. [laughs]\n\nThe doorbell sounds and Frasier goes to answer it as Daphne and\nMartin chat.\n\nDaphne: It\'s nice you feel so dedicated.\n\nMartin: It\'s a hobby. Some guys build a boat in their garage, I try\nto figure out why a maniac would kill a hooker and try to\nstuff her entire body into a bowling bag. It\'s relaxing!\n\nAt this point Frasier opens the front door to Niles who is carrying a\nbottle of wine. He enters and hands the wine to Frasier.\nFrasier: Hello, Niles.\n\nNiles: Sorry I\'m late, Frasier. Just as we were leaving, Maris had a\nrun-in with a rude directory assistance operator and it\nshattered her calm.\n\nFrasier: Have you ever considered that maybe Maris is a bit high\nstrung? Maybe she should see someone.\n\nNiles: She\'s seen everyone, why do you think she was calling\ndirectory assistance?\n\nDaphne: Evening, Dr. Crane.\n\nNiles: Hello, Daphne. It\'s so good to see you again. [she puts the\nmeal down] What an enchanting scent you\'re wearing.\n\nDaphne: [smells herself] Must be the ranch dressing. Won\'t Mrs.\nCrane be coming?\n\nNiles: No, I\'m afraid. And please, no more of this “Doctor” and “Mrs.\nCrane” formality. To you, it\'s Niles and... [stumped] er...\n\nFrasier: Maris.\n\nNiles: Yes, Maris.\n\nMartin: Glad you could join us, Niles.\n\nNiles: Oh, I wouldn\'t have missed it.\n\nMartin: Well, I guess the food\'s all ready: why don\'t we just go\nahead and start?\n\nEveryone sits down except Daphne who begins to take her food into\nthe kitchen.\n\nDaphne: Well, enjoy.\n\nMartin: Where are you going?\n\nDaphne: I thought I\'d have mine in the kitchen.\n\nMartin: Don\'t be ridiculous.\n\nNiles: Yes, we can\'t have you eating by yourself in the kitchen.\nI\'ll join you.\n\nMartin: No. We\'re all eating right here, like a family, end of\ndiscussion.\n\nDaphne: Well, isn\'t this nice? Feels just like home.\n\nNiles: I\'m famished.\n\nFrasier: Me, too.\n\nNiles and Frasier begin to eat...\n\nMartin: You boys still say a prayer before you eat?\n\nThey relent and pretend they do. All four close their eyes and hold\ntheir hands together. As Martin begins his prayer, Niles stares at\nDaphne as Eddie stares at Frasier. Daphne does not notice with her\neyes shut. However, Frasier notices Eddie\'s skin-creeping look.\n\nMartin: We thank you, Lord, for the food we\'re about to eat. You have\nblessed our table with your palm. And thank you, Lord, for\nbringing this family together and we also thank you for the\nother gifts you have given to us. And may we always be able\nto share with those less fortunate...\n\nFrasier: [to Eddie:] OH, WILL YOU STOP STARING!\n\nNiles: [off guard:] I wasn\'t staring!\n\nMartin: [takes what he can get] Amen.\n\nThey all settle down. Daphne looks at Niles a little suspiciously\nas he begins the meal conversation.\n\nNiles: So Frasier, did you happen to read Derek Mann\'s column\ntoday? You were mentioned.\n\nFrasier: No, I missed it.\n\nNiles: Just as well, it wasn\'t flattering.\n\nFrasier: I still would have liked to have seen it anyway.\n\nNiles: Oh, why didn\'t you say so? [takes it out of his pocket]\n\nDaphne: If I may ask, who\'s Derek Mann?\n\nMartin: He writes that "Mann About Town" column for the Times. The\nthings that guys comes out with, sometimes he\'s really funny\n- what did he say about you?\n\nFrasier: [reading:] “I hate Frasier Crane.”\n\nMartin: [laughs, then:] Oh, sorry.\n\nFrasier: That\'s it. "I hate Frasier Crane." That\'s it?\n\nMartin: Oh, don\'t let it bother you.\n\nFrasier: Well, actually it doesn\'t, dad. I knew when I chose a career\nin the public eye that I\'d be open to certain criticisms,\nit\'s the price I pay for my celebrity. Thank you, Niles, for\nbringing me the paper, and thank you for highlighting it in\nyellow! Now, who would like some wine?\n\nDaphne: Oh, I\'ll have some.\n\nFrasier goes to pour some as Niles compliments Daphne.\n\nNiles: Daphne, this salad is exquisite.\n\nFrasier: [sitting down:] Now why would he say that?\n\nMartin: Must be the carrots, he always did like them.\n\nFrasier: Not the salad, Derek Mann. I mean, why would he write a thing\nlike that? I\'ve never done anything to him, the attack is\ntotally unwarranted. I\'m a healer, for God\'s sake.\n\nMartin: Oh, for crying out loud!\n\nFrasier: Dad, I have every right to feel upset about this - I will\nnot enjoy my dinner until this is where it belongs - in the\ntrash.\n\nFrasier goes to bin it as Niles tries to stop him.\n\nNiles: Oh, oh, there was an article in there I wanted to save.\n\nMartin: On what?\n\nNiles: Nothing.\n\nMartin: Come on, I\'m interested.\n\nNiles: Oh, let\'s drop it.\n\nMartin: Why can\'t you tell me?\n\nNiles: All right, it was all about Margaret Thatcher\'s secret for\ngrowing prize-winning zinnias. Are you happy?\nMartin: [beat] Not really.\n\nFADE OUT\n\nAct Card\nOH, YEAH...\n\nScene Two - Radio Station.\n\nThe following afternoon Frasier is taking a call on air in his booth\nas Roz listens.\n\nFrasier: All right, Lorraine. Now, calm down and try and listen to\nwhat I\'m going to say to you. Will you do that?\n\nLorraine: [v.o:] Okay.\n\nFrasier: All right, good girl. Now your problem...\n\nLorraine: [beep] Oh my gosh, another call waiting - someone else is\ntrying to get through. Do you mind if I take it?\n\nFrasier: No, no. Go right ahead. [she does] Well, certainly a very\ninteresting situation she\'s got herself into. Don\'t you\nthink so, Roz?\n\nRoz is busy eating and reading magazines. She has to quickly chew her\nfood, put down her books just for the simple:\n\nRoz: Yes.\n\nLorraine: Okay, I\'m back.\n\nFrasier: All right, Lorraine. Now listen very carefully to what I\'m\ngoing to tell you. Your problem seems...\n\nLorraine: [beep] Oh, I\'m sorry, I\'ll be right back.\n\nFrasier: For someone who\'s got so many problems she certainly is\npopular. [laughs]\n\nLorraine: Okay, go ahead Dr. Crane. I\'m here. [beep] Oh, I don\'t\nbelieve it - another call.\n\nFrasier: Hold it there, Lorraine. The reason why you want to take\nthat other call is the same reason that you want to change\nyour career and break up with your boyfriend. You\'re\nobsessed with what you think you\'re missing. The better\noffer, the call on the other line. Well, you\'ve got to take\none call at a time from now on. Fully explore and\nexperience each one in its turn and you\'ll be a stronger\nperson for it. Do you follow me, Lorraine?\n\nLorraine: Okay, I\'m back!\n\nFrasier: Thank you for your call. [hangs up] Well, we\'ve only got\ntwo minutes left, so I would like to end today\'s program on\na personal note. As some of you may know, yesterday I was\nmentioned in Derek Mann\'s "Mann About Town" column. He\nsaid, and I quote, "I Hate Frasier Crane"... "I Hate Frasier\nCrane". [sarcastic:] What trenchant criticism. Move aside\nVoltaire, step back in the shadows H.L. Mencken, there\'s a\nnew kid in town. One can only wonder how many hours Derek\nMann sat in the glow of his computer screen before his\ntrembling fingers sprang to life and pecked out this chef\nt\'ouerve: "I Hate Frasier Crane." A lesser critic would\nhave wasted our time by presenting a well thought-out,\npoint by point, constructive critique of this show. No, not\nour Mr. Mann. So dear listeners, when Mr. Mann\'s column\narrives on your front doorstep - read it, enjoy it, but\nabove all, treasure it. For one day this man will be joining\nthe Pantheon of the immortals. And if we\'re lucky... it\'ll be\none day soon. I\'m Dr. Frasier Crane. [signs off]\n\nFrasier presses the off air button, and twirls his microphone around\nbefore blowing on it as if it were his weapon, then “holsters” it\nin his belt.\n\nFADE TO:\n\nAct Card\nYEAH!\n\nScene Three - Café Nervosa.\n\nThe following afternoon Frasier is drinking a coffee in the café with\nRoz when Niles enters and sits with him.\n\nNiles: Frasier, how funny running into you here.\n\nFrasier: I\'m always here.\n\nNiles: Yes well, you weren\'t here twenty minutes ago: have you seen\ntoday\'s "Times"?\n\nFrasier: [knowing what\'s coming:] No.\n\nNiles: Lucky for you I saved you this copy. Take a look at Derek\nMann\'s column.\n\nFrasier: You know, this is the second time in as many days that you\nhave given me a paper. Have you ever considered getting\nyourself a route?\n\nNiles: [to Roz:] Hello, I don\'t believe we\'ve met.\n\nRoz: Yes we have, Niles, three or four times. Roz Doyle.\n\nNiles: Oh, of course. It was at the... it was during the... well, I\'m far\ntoo successful to feel awkward. Where did we meet?\n\nRoz: The radio station.\n\nNiles: Ah, I\'ll take your word for it. Nice to see you again. [then,\nto Frasier:] Mr. Mann heard your program yesterday.\n\nFrasier: So I see. [reading:] “Yesterday afternoon, Dr. Frasier Crane\ngot on my case for not giving him a point by point criticism\nof his radio show. Well, he asked for it, so here goes.”\n\nRoz: [noticing:] Oh my god, his entire column is about your show.\n\nNiles: Not very flattering either. Towards the end he even attacks\nyour "dimwitted sidekick call screener."\n\nRoz: [appalled:] That\'s me!\n\nNiles: Oh, now I remember you!\n\nFrasier: [reading:] “It\'s hard to say what I hate most about Crane\'s\nshow – his pompous, sanctimonious style, his constant self-\ncongratulatory references to his own life, or his voice: a mock-\nsympathetic tone so sickly sweet one wonders if the man\ngraduated from medical school or from some mind-controlling\ncult.”\n\nNiles: It\'s continued on twelve.\n\nFrasier: I\'ve read enough!\n\nWaiter: [asking:] Can I get you something?\n\nFrasier: [to Niles:] How can the man think something like that?\n\nWaiter: It\'s my job, I\'m a waiter.\n\nFrasier: We don\'t want anything, thank you.\n\nRoz: Frasier, I know this stinks, but in a couple of days it\'ll\n\nblow over.\n\nFrasier: Oh, perhaps you\'re right. As angry as it makes me, to\nretaliate would be to stoop to his level. So the best\nresponse is no response at all.\n\nFADE TO:\nScene Four - Radio Station.\n\nSoon after these comments he is already shouting into his microphone\nabout the recent newspaper report.\n\nFrasier: [angry:] “Pompous and sanctimonious,” am I?! Well, this Mann\ncharacter can\'t even write grammatical sentences! Every\nfive words there\'s one of his precious "dot, dot, dots."\nMust be because he likes writing all those dots with the\ncrayon he writes this drivel in!\n\nRoz, who looks like she has been listening to him rant for quite\na while, tries to steer him back to the show.\n\nRoz: Dr. Crane, on line two we have Stewart who\'s having a\nproblem with delayed gratification.\n\nFrasier: Well, he\'s just going to have to wait! I don\'t know who this\nDerek Mann thinks he is, but if he thinks he can hide behind\nhis newspaper like some sniveling schoolchild cowering\nbehind a tree, then I say let\'s expose this Derek Mann for\nwhat he is: not a man at all, but half a man! [to Roz:] Now\nwhat line did you say Stewart was on?\n\nRoz: He hung up.\n\nFrasier: Well, I\'m leaving all sorts of bodies in my wake today.\nLet\'s see who\'s on line five. [he presses button:] Hello,\nthis is Dr. Frasier Crane - I\'m listening.\n\nDerek: [v.o:] Good, because I was listening too.\n\nFrasier: And you are?\n\nDerek: Derek Mann.\n\nFrasier: [regretting:] I see.\n\nDerek: Look, nobody calls me half a man - especially some Ivy League\ntwit. So what do you say we settle this like men?\n\nFrasier: Are you implying that you want to fight me?\n\nDerek: I\'m not implying, I\'m saying.\n\nFrasier: Fight, as in a fist fight?\n\nDerek: [sarcastic:] No, I thought we might throw pies at each\nother! So are you up to it, or aren\'t you man enough?\n\nFrasier: [thinks] We\'ll be right back after these messages.\nFrasier signs off for commercials as we fade out.\n\nAct Two.\nScene One - Radio Station.\n\nThe scene resumes where we left off. The commercials have finished\nand Frasier gets back to his radio show.\n\nFrasier: And we\'re back. Well, we have a surprise caller on the line:\nDerek Mann.\n\nDerek: [v.o:] So what\'s it going to be, Crane, are you going to\nfight me or not?\n\nFrasier: Oh, you can\'t be serious.\n\nDerek: Just like I figured, you\'re chicken.\n\nFrasier: No, I just don\'t think that civilized people behave that\nway. You know, Roz, perhaps our listeners have an opinion\nabout that subject? Who do we have on the line?\n\nRoz: Well, lines one through eight are people who think you\'re chicken.\n\nDerek: You\'re chicken, Crane. Admit it!\n\nFrasier: I am not chicken!\n\nDerek: [squawks like a chicken]\n\nFrasier: We are mature thinking people, not cavemen!\n\nDerek: [squawks some more]\n\nFrasier: Alright, if you want a fight so bad, I\'ll give you a fight!\nYou just say the time and place!\n\nDerek: Kinsley square, right outside your office, by the old\nstatue. Noon tomorrow. Don\'t back out!\n\nFrasier: I won\'t! Don\'t you back out either because I know where your\noffice is too, and I know where you live, and I\'ll track you\ndown! Now who else out there wants a piece of me?!\n\nFADE TO:\nScene Card\nET TU, EDDIE?\nScene Two - Frasier\'s Apartment.\n\nThat evening Martin is searching through his old case as Daphne\npasses him.\n\nDaphne: Having a look at that old murder case again?\n\nMartin: Yeah, I\'ve dug out the old crime scene photos.\n\nDaphne: Well, don\'t be a greedy guts - let me have a look.\n\nDaphne has a look at the photo of the girl. After a while her psychic\npowers kick in.\n\nDaphne: Her name was Helen.\n\nMartin: Yeah, it was. [knowing her trick:] Ah, you must have seen it\non some of my papers I\'ve had lying around here.\n\nDaphne: No, I just got this feeling when I touched the picture.\n\nMartin: You\'re putting me on.\n\nDaphne: She had a lot of men in her life.\n\nMartin: No kidding: she was a hooker!\n\nDaphne: No, I mean she had four brothers.\n\nMartin: [surprised:] That\'s amazing. She did have four brothers.\nWhat else are you getting? Well, come on, tell me more.\n\nDaphne: I can\'t just turn it on and off like a faucet.\n\nMartin: Give it a try, will you? Please. What else are you getting?\n\nDaphne: Nothing. [suddenly:] No, wait. I see a man.\n\nMartin: Yeah?\n\nDaphne: A well-dressed man. He\'s wearing wing tips and a trench coat.\n\nMartin: Yeah? Yeah?\n\nDaphne: He\'s getting off an elevator... he\'s walking down a long\nhallway... she doesn\'t know he\'s coming... he\'s opening the\ndoor...\n\nAt this moment, a well-dressed man enters the apartment wearing wing\ntips and a trench coat - it\'s Frasier.\n\nFrasier: Hello, everyone.\n\nDaphne: Sometimes I get my signals crossed.\n\nFrasier: What\'s going on?\n\nMartin: Well - unless you killed a hooker when you were twelve -\nnothing much!\n\nDaphne: We heard your show today. I just loved the way you handled\nthat Derek Mann.\n\nMartin: You made your old man proud. Yet the best part was when he\nchallenged you to a fight and you stood right up to him.\n\nFrasier: [worried:] Yes I did, didn\'t I?\n\nMartin: I can\'t wait to see that.\n\nFrasier: Oh, I\'m not actually going to go through with it, dad.\n\nMartin: What are you talking about?\n\nFrasier: Well, I already won our little war of words. What would I\nstand to benefit by going through with actually going\nthrough with a fist fight?\n\nMartin: Frasier, maybe I\'m misunderstanding here... he challenged\nyou and you\'re backing down?\n\nFrasier: Well, mature people are supposed to use their intellect to\nsettle their differences.\n\nMartin: A man doesn\'t just turn his tail and run - that\'s not the\nway I brought you up.\n\nFrasier: Are you encouraging me to fight?\n\nMartin: You bet I am - you gave the guy your word.\n\nFrasier: Yes, but I didn\'t even know what I was saying - I hadn\'t even\nhad lunch yet.\n\nMartin: I might have known this would have happened. It\'s Billy Kreizel\nall over again.\n\nFrasier: What did you say?\n\nMartin: Something about a Billy Kreizel, I believe.\n\nFrasier: I can\'t believe you\'re dragging that up - that was thirty\nyears ago.\n\nDaphne: Who\'s this Billy Kreizel?\n\nFrasier: Oh, he was this kid in fifth grade that used to torment me!\n\nMartin: So one day Frasier made fun of Billy\'s crewcut.\n\nFrasier: Well, he started it by making fun of the elbow patches on my\nblazer!\n\nMartin: Well, the point is, they were supposed to meet for a fight\nafter school. Only "Patches" here didn\'t show up!\n\nFrasier: I had a clarinet lesson!\n\nMartin: You don\'t need to remind me of that! Billy\'s old man was a\ncop, too. Boy, the guys rode me about that excuse of yours for\nyears. Every time I couldn\'t make it out for a drink they\nused to say, "What\'s the matter? You got a clarinet lesson?"\n\nDaphne: [wondering:] Couldn\'t you and Billy have met after the\nclarinet lesson?\n\nFrasier: Daphne, would you please excuse us for a moment!\n\nDaphne: [gets up:] I have a feeling I\'m going to be excused quite a\nlot in this house.\n\nShe exits to the kitchen.\n\nFrasier: [sarcastic:] Dad, I am sorry if I embarrassed you for not\nfighting Billy Kreizel thirty years ago. But the situation\nis not the same now.\n\nMartin: It\'s exactly the same.\n\nFrasier: I am an adult now, I\'ve been to medical school, I hold a\ncertain position in this city - I do not settle my\ndifferences with brawling.\n\nMartin: The man challenged you and you accepted.\n\nFrasier: Dad, I can\'t believe this. You won\'t be happy until I come\nhome with a black eye.\n\nMartin: I just want you to do what you said you were going to do.\nYou know, you can talk about your medical school, your\nintellect, your place in this city, but you know what? It\'s\nall one big clarinet lesson... I can\'t even look at you.\n\nMartin exits to the kitchen, angry with his son. Frasier is left with\nlittle dignity and looks at Eddie for a little support. However, even\nEddie turns his face away from him. Frasier can only sulk.\n\nFADE TO:\nScene Card\nREQUIEM FOR A LIGHTWEIGHT\n\nScene Three - Café Nervosa.\n\nThe next day, Frasier is preparing for the big fight whilst chatting\nwith Roz.\n\nRoz: So, I step out of the shower, I look out of the window and I\nnotice the garbage man looking right in at me. So I say,\n"Did you get a good look?" And he says, "Not completely,\nturn around." Then he smiled, and he\'s missing a tooth,\nand that\'s when the romance went right out of it for me.\n\nFrasier: Roz, why are you telling me this story?\n\nRoz: I\'m trying to take your mind of the fact that in five\nminutes you\'re going to walk right out into that square and\nget your clock cleaned.\n\nFrasier: Well, has it ever occurred to you that I might actually win\nthis fight?\n\nRoz: Your shoe’s untied. [Frasier checks his tied shoes] If you\nfell for that one, you\'re going down and you\'re going down\nhard.\n\nNiles: [enters] Frasier, there\'s quite a crowd forming out there.\nSecretaries with bag lunches, business men, children with\nballoons...\n\nFrasier: All that\'s missing is a mariachi band.\n\nNiles: They\'re setting up.\n\nRoz: Well, I better go find a great place in the crowd. I\'ll be\noff to the left, Frasier, for when you tear his ear off and\nwant to throw it to a beautiful senorita.\nShe leaves the Café. Niles looks at Frasier.\n\nNiles: Frasier, as your brother and as your friend - why are you\ndoing this?\n\nFrasier: It\'s Billy Kreizel.\n\nNiles: [looking around:] Where?\n\nFrasier: [shakes head] He\'s not here, Niles. It\'s just that I ran away\nfrom him when I was ten.\n\nNiles: I remember.\n\nFrasier: You know, I\'ve been running ever since. You know, this is\nwhere it stops. I\'m not running anymore.\n\nNiles: What is it that makes us Crane boys such targets?\n\nAs he says this, he takes his nail file out of his coat pocket\nand buffs his nails. He blows on them and offers the file to\nFrasier which he refuses.\n\nFrasier: [sarcastic:] Chalk it up to random violence!\n\nNiles nods in agreement and exits the café. Martin enters.\n\nMartin: Hey, there.\n\nFrasier: Dad? What are you doing here?\n\nMartin: Look son, I said a couple of things last night that maybe\nwent over the line.\n\nFrasier: Look dad, if you were worried that you talked me into\nsomething that I wasn\'t ready to do – well, you\'re wrong.\nYou can relax. I took this on for myself.\n\nMartin: Good.\n\nFrasier: Who told you that I was going through with it, anyway?\n\nMartin: Oh, let\'s just say a father knows certain things about his son.\nThey smile. Daphne enters.\n\nDaphne: Good news, I parked in front of a broken meter. We\'re getting\na freebie. Well, good luck, Dr. Crane, with the fight.\n\nFrasier: Thank you, Daphne. Any psychic predictions on the outcome?\n\nDaphne: Actually, yes. But don\'t worry, I\'m frequently wrong.\n\nFrasier removes his jacket and tie. Niles comes in.\n\nNiles: Frasier, Frasier, there\'s something I want you to see.\n[points out of window:] There, the man standing to the left\nof the statue - I recognize his picture from the newspaper,\nthat\'s Derek Mann.\n\nFrasier: He\'s gigantic!\n\nDaphne: [looking out:] My God, you could show a movie on his back!\n\nMartin: Are you sure you want to go through with this?\n\nFrasier: Yes, yes I am.\n\nFrasier throws a few shadow punches to loosen himself up.\n\nMartin: Good, you\'ll be fine. Just remember this is a street fight\nand not a boxing match. So fight dirty and throw the first\npunch!\n\nDaphne: I found that a swift knee to the groin usually does the\ntrick. [cocky:] If you have any doubts, check with a fellow\nin Manchester named Nigel Tavers.\n\nNiles: [begins to leave:] Well, if we want an unobstructed view...\n\nFrasier: [stops him:] Look, I prefer if you guys stay here. You\'ll\nonly make me nervous.\n\nMartin: Whatever you want.\n\nThey all wish Frasier good luck. As he exits the mariachi band\nstrikes up. They all move over to the window to look out.\n\nMartin: They\'ve got a mariachi band out there!\n\nNiles: I\'ll have to get their card, I need someone for our summer\nbarbeque.\n\nDaphne: Oh look, they’re starting the fight.\n\nMartin: Nah, they’re just circling, sizing each other up. Come on,\nFrasier, if you\'re going to hit him, hit him now!\n\nThey all shout encouragements, then police sirens are heard.\n\nNiles: Is that the police?\n\nMartin: Yeah, what are they doing here?\n\nDaphne: They\'re breaking it up! Just when they were getting started.\n\nShouts are heard from the crowd hurling insults at the police force.\nThe officer marches Frasier right into the Café.\n\nFrasier: Alright, I\'ll come along peacefully - let me just get my\njacket.\n\nOfficer: Relax, I\'m not arresting you. But I\'m warning you that in\nthis town we don\'t settle our differences with street fights\n- no matter who you are.\n\nFrasier: Well thank you, officer, you\'ll have no more trouble from me.\n\nOfficer: Okay. [exits]\n\nFrasier: Dad, dad, did you see me? My hands are trembling, my chest\nis pounding, my mouth is all dry, my knees are like jello...\nGod, I feel great!\n\nMartin: You did good.\n\nFrasier: Yeah, I was out there. I was raring to go, you saw that...\n\nMartin: I know you were. You would have kicked his butt!\n\nDaphne: From here to Tacoma.\n\nNiles: [shouting:] I think we should celebrate! Everyone, a round\nof victory lattes on me.\n\nAs the gang celebrate, Martin walks up to the officer on the door.\n\nMartin: Thanks Harry, I owe you one.\n\nOfficer: No problem, Marty.\n\nMartin: You cut it pretty close, though. Another minute, then Frasier\nwould have been sidewalk litter. He would have been lunch\nmeat.\n\nOfficer: Say, some of the guys are getting together later at Duke’s.\nWhy don\'t you come along?\n\nMartin: Yeah, maybe I will. And you know why I will? Because the\nCrane boys don\'t take clarinet lessons anymore.\n\nOfficer: What the hell are you talking about?\n\nMartin: [embarrassed:] Oh that\'s right, you weren\'t in my precinct.\n\nCredits:\n\nFrasier\'s Apartment:\n\nEddie is sat on a chair staring at a picture of Frasier looking mad.\nHe doesn\'t take his eyes off him.Embed', 'default'

Bob_Dylan___On_The_Road_Again

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"On the Road Again Lyrics[Verse 1]\nWell, I wake up in the morning, there's frogs inside my socks\nYour mama, she's hidin' inside the icebox\nYour daddy walks in wearin' a Napoleon Bonaparte mask\nThen you ask why I don't live here\nHoney, do you have to ask?\n\n[Verse 2]\nWell, I go to pet your monkey, I get a face full of claws\nI ask who's in the fireplace and you tell me Santa Claus\nThe milkman comes in, he's wearing a derby hat\nAnd you ask why I don't live here\nHoney, how come you have to ask me that?\n[Verse 3]\nWell, I asked for somethin' to eat, I'm hungry as a hog\nSo I get brown rice, seaweed and a dirty hot dog\nI've got a hole where my stomach disappeared\nThen you ask why I don't live here\nHoney, I gotta' think you're really weird\n\n[Verse 4]\nYour grandpa's cane, it turns into a sword\nYour grandma prays to pictures that are pasted on a board\nEverything inside my pockets your uncle steals\nAnd you ask why I don't live here\nHoney, I can't believe that you're for real\n\n[Verse 5]\nThere's fistfights in the kitchen, they're enough to make me cry\nLittle mailman comes in, even he's got to take a side\nEven the butler, he's got something to prove\nThen you ask why I don't live here\nHoney, how come you don't move?You might also like1Embed", 'default'

Bettie_Serveert___Fallen_Foster

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"Fallen Foster LyricsThrow it on the floor\nNever mind the mess\n'Cause I've been down before\nAnd it doesn't hurt\n\nPlay your saddest songs\nPlay them all night long\n'Cause I've been sad before\nAnd it doesn't hurt no more\nYeah, it doesn't hurt\nFeeling like a fallen foster child\nGracefully neglected\nBut always with a smile\nThat was nothing at all\n\nRaised upon a bench of second-best\nAlways quite aware\nYou're not like all the rest\nThat was nothing at all\n\nThrow it on the floor\nNever mind, the ma did that\nBeen down before\nYes, I've been down before\nAnd it doesn't hurt no more\nNow it doesn't hurtYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Catherine_Feeny___The_Christmas_Song

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"The Christmas Song LyricsChestnuts roasting on an open fire\nJack Frost nipping on your nose\nYuletide carols being sung by a choir\nAnd folks dressed up like Eskimos\n\nEverybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe\nHelp to make the season bright\nTiny tots with their eyes all aglow\nWill find it hard to sleep tonight\n\nThey know that Santa's on his way;\nHe's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh\nAnd every mother's child is gone spy\nTo see if reindeer really know how to fly\nAnd so I'm offering this simple phrase\nFor kids from one to ninety-two\nAlthough its been said many times, many ways\nMerry Christmas to you\n\nThey know that Santa's on his way;\nHe's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh\nAnd every mother's child is gone spy\nTo see if reindeer really know how to fly\n\nAnd so I'm offering this simple phrase\nFor kids from one to ninety-two\nAlthough its been said many times, many ways\nMerry Christmas to youYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

David_Sylvian___The_Healing_Place

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'The Healing Place Lyrics"That has to be the age of overcoming\nThe systems which are, which are on the\nWhich are on this side and\nWhich are on the run to destroy\nHumankind\'s nation\nHumankind\'s inwardness\nHumankind\'s ability\nWhat for me is a true capital\nAnd which as a side effect\nLast not least destroys nature and us"You might also likeEmbed', 'default'

Balligomingo___Marooned

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"Marooned LyricsSave me I am all alone\nAnd I can't see\nSave me from emotion\nSave me from emotion\n\nSave me I am on my own\nAnd I can't be the same\nSave me from emotion\nSave me from emotion\nSave me\nSave meYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Fun_Lovin_Criminals___Im_Not_In_Love

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"I’m Not In Love LyricsI'm not in love, so don't forget it\nIt's just some silly phase that I'm going through\nAnd just because, I call you up\nHey, don't get me wrong, don't think that you got it made\nI'm not in love, no, no\nOh, it's just because\n\nI'd like to see you, but then again\nThat doesn't mean, you mean that much to me\nSo if I call you, don't make no fuss\nDon't tell your friends 'bout the two of us\nI'm not in love, no, no\nOh, it's just because\nI keep your picture, up on my wall\nIt hides a nasty stain that's lying there\nSo don't you ask me to give it back\nYou know it doesn't mean that much to me\nI'm not in love, no, no\nOh, it's just because\n\nOoooh, you wait a long time for me x2\nWhat's the matter? Big boys don't cry!\nOoooh, you wait a long time for me x2\nWhat's the matter? Big boys don't cry!\n\nI'm not in love, so just forget it\nIt's just a silly phase that I'm goin' through\nAnd just because, I call you up\nDon't get me wrong, don't think that you got it made\n\nI'm not in love x5\nI'm not in loveYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Box_Car_Racer___Watch_The_World

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"Watch the World LyricsI watched the smoke as it grew darker\nAnd blew up through the roof\nI watched the fed, saw them panic\nAs the fire grew\nI saw Virginia get rid of Langley\nAnd its secrets too\nI held your hand, and sat there knowing\nThat we'd make it through\n\nI saw this man dispose of hunger\nAnd soap operas too\nI saw this field that grew perfection\nFull of things you do\nI saw this box get rid of heartache\nAnd cure cancer too\nWhen I awoke, I sat there hoping\nThis is what we'll do\nIf we can, we will leave a letter\nAnd this song for you\nAnd we'll write once a day\nAnd float it through the sea to you\nWe'll regret all those things we thought of\nBut didn't ever do\n\nIf we can, we will leave a letter\nAnd this song for you\nAnd we'll write once a day\nAnd float it through the sea to you\nWe'll regret all those things we thought of\nBut didn't ever do\nWhen the sky seems to clear\nWho will then be left\nBut a few, me and youYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Blockhead___Insomniac_Olympics

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'Insomniac Olympics Lyrics[Instrumental]\n\nI live life around 2 A.M. nights\nI live two lives\nThe hood\nJust to see a little bloodYou might also likeEmbed', 'default'

Amerie___I_Just_Died

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"I Just Died Lyrics[Verse 1]\nStaring in the mirror as I\nStart to carefully contemplate\nJust really how deep is this thing I have for you\nIt's wearing on my heart\nAnd from the start you know I tried, steadily denied\nFriendship turned to love\nI know you probably think that I'm so strange -\nStuttering on every word when you look my way, oh why?\nAnd maybe it's all in my mind\nBut when we hugged goodbye - butterflies\nI just died, yeah yeah yeah\n[Chorus]\nI just died in your arms tonight\nDon't want nobody to bring me back to life\nI just died in your arms tonight, hey\nI just died in your arms\nI just died in your arms tonight, tonight\n\n[Verse 2]\nYour fingers hush my lips\nAs I try to explain maybe why you and I\nShould hide from such a love affair\nMy friends think that I'm so insane\nTo fight this feeling\nBut my life's at stake\nYour embrace, thoughts won't erase\nEvery hour, minute of the day I'm wit' it, hope and pray\nThat you might stay\nAnd now you're moving, oh, so closely\nKilling me so softly, so softly\nI just died\n\n[Chorus]\nI just died in your arms tonight\nDon't want nobody to bring me back to life\nI just died in your arms tonight, hey\nI just died in your arms\nI just died in your arms tonight, tonight\nI just died in your arms tonight\nDon't want nobody to bring me back to life\nI just died in your arms tonight, hey\nI just died in your arms\nI just died in your arms tonight, tonight\nYou might also like[Break]\n\n[Chorus]\nI just died in your arms tonight\nDon't want nobody to bring me back to life\nI just died in your arms tonight, hey\nI just died in your arms\nI just died in your arms tonight, tonight\nI just died in your arms tonight\nDon't want nobody to bring me back to life\nI just died in your arms tonight, hey\nI just died in your arms\nI just died in your arms tonight, tonight\nI just died in your arms tonight\nDon't want nobody to bring me back to life\nI just died in your arms tonight, hey\nI just died in your arms\nI just died in your arms tonight, tonight1Embed", 'default'

Basia___Promises

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"Promises LyricsPromises\nWe forgot all our promises\nAnd only keep some of the easiest\nI confess I do\n\nMake believe\nHowever small the possibility\nBut sometimes tripped up by reality\nFormality it seems\n\nNow I found\nHaving come the long way round\nI am closer closer than before\nHere and now is all that it's about\nLet's use it or we'll lose it\nGo and ask anybody\nThey will all say the same everyone\nLove is contagious\nWe are part of a chain\n\nHistory\nWe could live our life from history\nBut there's no future in a memory\nYou'll see my love\nOh, there's no future in a memory\nYou'll see my love\n\nNow I found\nHaving come the long way round\nI am closer closer than before\nHere and now is all that it's about\nLet's use it or we'll lose it\n\nGo and ask anybody\nThey will all say the same everyone\nLove is contagious\nWe are part of a chain\n\nGo and ask anybody\nThey will all say the same everyone\nLove is contagious\nWe are part of a chain\nYou might also likeYou'll see my love\n\nGo and ask anybody\nThey will all say the same everyone\nLove is contagious\nWe are part of a chainEmbed", 'default'

Janove_Ottesen___Forget_About_Me

calm

"Forget About Me LyricsShe said\nPlease, won't you get off my back?\nCan't you see that I'm in pain? You know\nI will never let you pull me back in again\nA lot of things have changed lately\nIt's not up to you to save me\nAnd there's no turning back, this is it\nI'm on a one-way track\nNot looking back\nSo, won't you please forget about me\nAnd let me be. Don't try to save me\nBut, it would only be a lie\nIf I told you I do not miss her\nHere eyes, and her smile\nAnd the words she used to whisper\nBut, the lord only\nKnows how much I have prayed\nAnd the lord only knows about my lonely days\nAnd you could've been mine, and I could have\nBeen yours\nBut it would be a lie\nIf I told you I do not miss herYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Chicks_On_Speed___Coventry

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"Coventry LyricsHanayo lives in Berlin cos she says the rent is cheap\nCouldn't afford that lifestyle, Tokyo's too fast and steep\nJuergen lives in Munich, that cozy comfy town\nGot a nice BM that he drives all over town\nMimi lives in Hamburg, that fishy harbour breeze\nShe says it's the best place in the world\nAnd then she starts to sneeze\nDean lives in London, does the music business thing\nHe likes to take girls to the park\nAnd do that sweet, sweet thing\nPeople and places, people in different towns\n\nErkki lives in tampere, now where the hell is that?\nWorks the web like no other, gotta put him on the map\nWeasel she's in New York, she got it all set up\nShe drinks her frappuccio from a glass and not a cup\nJeremy moved to Rome, Italiano style\nGave up all that fashion jazz and says that with a smile\nRussell lives in Cov, that a really brutal place\nIt's in the middle of England, right into your face\n\nPeople and places and places and people\n\nPeople and places, people in different townsYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Copeland___When_Finally_Set_Free

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"When Finally Set Free LyricsFeel the pain teaching us how much more we can take\nReminding us how far we've come\nLet the pain burn away from our hearts\nWe have time to start all over again\n\nFeel the pain teaching us how much more we can take\nReminding us how far we've come\nLet the pain burn away from our hearts\nWe have time to start all over again\n\nFeel the pain teaching us how much more we can take\nReminding us how far we've come\nLet the pain burn away from our hearts\nWe have time to start all over again\nBut if you would shine your love down here\nAnd make our hearts as perfect as new\nOh, if you would shine your love down here\nI promise I'll reflect it right back at you\nOh, I promise I'll reflect it right back at you\nOh, I promise we'll reflect it right back at youYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

JLS___Everybody_In_Love

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"Everybody in Love Lyrics[Hook]\nEverybody in love, go on put your hands up\nEverybody in love, go on put your hands up\nEverybody in love, go on put your hands up\nIf you're in love, put your hands up\n\n[Aston Merrygold]\nYou know you need someone\nWhen the need's so strong\nWhen they're gone you don't know how to go on\nSo the whole world is stuck in a moment\nStanding still until they come back\nYou accept that they've, got things to do\nBut sometimes in the end there's nothing left for you\nIf hurt is missing your baby\nI've done too much of it lately\n[Chorus:]\nEvery minute's like an hour\nEvery hour's like a day\nEvery day lasts forever\nBut what else am I gonna do\nI'd wait forever and a day for you\nI wait up, wait up\nI can't eat, I can't sleep, what else could it be\nMissing you so deep\nLong as I'm where you're going to\nI'd wait forever and a day for you\nI wait up, wait up for you\n\n[Marvin Humes]\nAnd even when we mad, and say we're through\nDeep inside you feel the same way I do\nMight as well turn around and just end this\nCause it's harder trying to stay mad\nI could tell you that you can't stay here\nKnowing just as soon as you disappear\nThat I'll be missing you baby\nSoon as you get up and you walk away\n\n[Chorus]\nEvery minute's like an hour\nEvery hour's like a day\nEvery day lasts forever\nBut what else am I gonna do\nI'd wait forever and a day for you\nI wait up, wait up\nI can't eat, I can't sleep, what else could it be\nMissing you so deep\nLong as I'm where you're going to\nI'd wait forever and a day for you\nI wait up, wait up for you\nYou might also like[Hook]\nEverybody in love, go on put your hands up\nEverybody in love, go on put your hands up\nEverybody in love, go on put your hands up\nIf you're in love, put your hands up\nEverybody in love, go on put your hands up\nEverybody in love, go on put your hands up\nEverybody in love, go on put your hands up\nIf you're in love, put your hands up\n\n[Chorus]\nEvery minute's like an hour\nEvery hour's like a day\nEvery day lasts forever\nBut what else am I gonna do\nI'd wait forever and a day for you\nI wait up, wait up\nI can't eat, I can't sleep, what else could it be\nMissing you so deep\nLong as I'm where you're going to\nI'd wait forever and a day for you\nI wait up, wait up for you2Embed", 'default'

Akrobatik___Remind_My_Soul

calm

'Remind My Soul LyricsYeah, it\'s gettin\' wild out here\nIt makes me wonder how a black man could ever raise a child out here\nYou know the old krumbsnatcha\'s in this land of decay\nSo why we killin\' for the crumbs when there\'s so much at stake?\nWe\'re no longer suposed to be slaves\nI bet Harriet Tubman will be turnin\' in her grave\nLike remind my soul\n\nOf the time we were great before the self hate\n\nMy elders all feel the same there\'s no bravery\nWe\'re supposed to fight for freedom not just the end of slavery\nAre we too selfish to even bless the kids with jewels\nSo our youth don\'t get played out for fools?\nWill they get program how to behave?\nMalcolm X must be turnin\' in his grave\nLike remind my soul\nOf the time we were great before the self hate\nThe time we were great before the self hate x3\nThe time we were great\nWait, we still great, but\n\nI met up with this dread, said "Peace, Respect"\nHe said "Respect? Me not seen that around here yet\nBlack man kill himself for limited amount of wealth\nAnd them disrespecting women so him disrespect himself"\nI agree for what the dread had to get off of his chest\nBob Marley will be disturbed from his rest\nLike remind my soul\n\nOf the time we were great before the self hate\n\nCan\'t work a dead end 9 to 5 for what\nTo be another victim of social security cuts?\nI gotta cut myself from the chains and run free\nEmpower myself to be my own authority\nPeople die so I don\'t have to be a runaway slave\nNat Turner must be turnin\' in his grave\nLike remind my soul\n\nOf the time we were great before the self hate\nThe time we were great before the self hate x3\nThe time we were great\nWait, we still great, but\nYou might also likeWe\'re taught to worship these rappers and athletes and actors\nMany who think they better and they walk right past ya\nIt\'s what you do off camera and off the court\nThat really makes you worthy of the people support\nBut some brothers get those millions and forget how to behave\nArther Ashe must be turnin\' in his grave\nLike remind my soul\n\nOf the time we were great before the self hate\n\nWe crabs in a barrel, you ain\'t gettin out until I do first\nAnd that\'s why the guns burst\nWhatever happened to strength in numbers?\nSome of the greatest minds on the planet are among us\nBut so many start on strugglin\' and never get saved\nMan, Martin must be turnin\' in his grave\nLike remind my soul\n\nOf the time we were great before the self hate\nThe time we were great before the self hate x3\nThe time we were great\n\nRemind my soul\nOf the time we were great before the self hate yo\nYeahEmbed', 'default'

Kate_Bush___Wow

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"Wow Lyrics[Intro]\nEmily\n\n[Verse 1]\nWe're all alone on the stage tonight\nWe've been told we're not afraid of you\nWe know all our lines so well, uh-huh\nWe've said them so many times\nTime and time again\nLine and line again\n[Pre-Chorus 1]\nOoh, yeah, you're amazing!\nWe think you're incredible\nYou say we're fantastic\nBut still we don't head the bill\n\n[Chorus]\nWow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!\nUnbelievable!\nWow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!\nUnbelievable!\n\n[Verse 2]\nWhen the actor reaches his death\nYou know it's not for real, he just holds his breath\nBut he always dives too soon, too fast to save himself\nHe'll never make the screen, he'll never make the 'Sweeney'\nOr be that movie queen\nHe's too busy hitting the vaseline\n\n[Pre-Chorus 2]\nOoh, yeah, you're amazing!\nWe think you are really cool\nWe'd give you a part, my love\nBut you'd have to play the fool\nYou might also like[Chorus]\nWow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!\nUnbelievable!\nWow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!\nUnbelievable!\n\n[Outro]\nWe're all alone on the stage tonight\nWe're all alone\nOn the stage\nTonight8Embed", 'default'

Elliott_Smith___Better_Be_Quiet_Now

calm

"I Better Be Quiet Now Lyrics[Verse 1]\nWish you gave me your number\nWish I could call you today\nJust to hear a voice\nI got a long way to go, I'm getting further away\n\n[Verse 2]\nIf I didn't know the difference\nLiving alone would probably be okay\nIt wouldn't be lonely\nI got a long way to go, I'm getting further away\n[Chorus]\nA lot of hours to occupy, it was easy when I didn't know you yet\nThings I'd have to forget\nBut I better be quiet now, I'm tired of wasting my breath\nCarrying on and getting upset\n\n[Verse 3]\nMaybe I have a problem\nBut that's not what I wanted to say\nI'd prefer to say nothing\nI got a long way to go, I'm getting further away\n\n[Chorus]\nHad a dream as an army man with an order just to march in my place\nWhile a dead enemy screams in my face\nBut I better be quiet now, I'm tired of wasting my breath\nCarrying on, not over it yet\n\n[Verse 4]\nWish I knew what you're doing\nAnd why you want to do it this way\nSo I can't go the distance\nI got a long way to go, I'm getting further away\nI got a long way to go, I'm getting further awayYou might also like4Embed", 'default'

Barry_White___Dont_Make_Me_Wait_Too_Long

happy

"Don’t Make Me Wait Too Long Lyrics[Spoken Intro]\nBaby, it's really amazing what I go through without you\nYou know sometimes I find myself counting\nCounting the hours, the minutes, the seconds, the moments\n\n[Chorus]\nDarling, please don't make me wait too long\nI wanna love you, baby\nCan't you see it's only you I want\nAnd you I need\nPlease don't make me wait too long\nI wanna love you, baby\nCan't you see it's only you I want\nAnd you I need\n[Verse 1]\nWhen I'm away from you\nSeems like forever, yeah\nGirl, if you only knew\nWhat I go through without you\nBut knowing in a moment I'll\nI'll see that face and see your smile Give it here\nI turn the key Give it here, open up the door Give it here\nGirl, there you are, I can't take much more\n\n[Chorus]\nDarling, please don't make me wait too long\nI wanna love you, baby\nCan't you see it's only you I want\nAnd you I need\nDon't make me wait too long\nI wanna love you, baby\nCan't you see it's only you I want\nAnd you I need\n\n[Verse 2]\nYou're in my arms again\nAnd heaven is waiting\nAh, one more kiss and then\nAnd I'll be in time be making\nMaking you feel inside\nHave you pleased and so satisfied Give it here\nNo visits tonight Give it here, and no phone calls Give it here\nYou've got what I want - girl, I want it all\nYou might also like[Chorus]\nDarling, please don't make me wait too long\nI wanna love you, baby\nCan't you see it's only you I want\nAnd you I need\nPlease, don't make me wait too long\nI wanna love you, baby\nCan't you see it's only you I want\nYou I need\n\n[Spoken]\nBaby, I swear that I, I really can't take much more of this\nSwear I really can't take much more of this\nGive it up, baby - oh Lord, give it up\nWhat do I have to do to make you, make you...\n\n[Chorus]\nOh, please don't make me wait too long\nI wanna love you, baby\nCan't you see it's only you I want\nYou I need\nPlease, don't make me wait too long\nI wanna love you, baby\nCan't you see it's only you I want\nAnd you I need\n[Outro]\nPlease don't make me wait too long\nGirl, don't make me, make me\nIt's only you I want, I want\nDon't make me wait too long, too long\nIt's only you I want. I want\nDon't make me wait too long, too long\nIt's only you I want, I want\nDon't make me wait too long, too longEmbed", 'default'

Corinne_Bailey_Rae___Enchantment

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"Enchantment LyricsI wait for you\nI don't know why\nAll I know is I can't hide\nAt this temperature you could take over my mind\n\nLike gossamer you softly touch\nHe draws me in\nI'm powerless\nHe possesses an enchantment\n\nTell me\nI'm forgiven\nHe calls, don't know how I fell under his spell\nLately I've been driven\nHe smiles an enchantment\nI wait for you\nI'm mesmerized\nThis love is like a potion in disguise\nI tightrope walk with a blindfold on my eyes\nI can't escape\nOr so it seems\nI'd run away\nHe's in my dreams\nHe possesses an enchantment\n\nTell me I'm forgiven\nHe calls, don't know how I fell under his spell\nLately I've been driven\nHe smiles an enchantment\n\nIt's the kind of sleepwalk that never ends\nA type of loan with no dividends\nIt's a parlor game where you're given chase\nGuess it could be called an acquired taste\n\nI know he knows\nHe calls, I go\nI know\nThis could be an enchantment\n\nWhy don't you tell me\nI'm forgiven\nHe calls, don't know how I fell in love his spell\nI'm forgiven\nLately\nI've been driven\nHe smiles and I give in\nAn enchantment4Embed", 'default'

Brendan_Benson___What

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"What LyricsWhat are you trying to do to me, girl\nI close my eyes, I don't wanna see, girl\nI don't wanna hear about you and him, girl\nI don't want to know if it's love that you're in, girl\n\n'Cause you can't possibly be serious about him, girl\nAnd he's got to be delirious if he thinks he can win\n\nWith a not-so-pretty face\nHe's come to take my place\nShe's easily amused\nAnd I know 'cause she fell for the same shit\nI once used\nThe things you say and the things you do, girl\nI've added them up and they don't compute, girl\nI give you an inch and you take a mile, girl\nYou can't say no 'cause it ain't your style, girl girl, girl\n\nAnd it's obvious to me that he thinks he's gonna score\nBut it's not the case, you say you're only friends and nothing more\n\nBut it makes perfect sense\nAnd I speak from experience\nShe's easy to persuade\nShe's a piece of cake and he\nThinks he's got her made\n\nYou said goodbye to him a long\nLong time ago\nYou changed your mind, I guess\nBut you never let me know\nYou just keep me guessing, I'm always guessing wrong\nAlways wrong\n\n'Cause you can't possibly be serious about him, girl\nAnd he's got to be delirious if he thinks he can win\n\nWith a not-so-pretty face\nAnd a poorly thrown ceramic vase\nIt makes perfect sense\nAnd I speak from experience\nShe's easily confused\nI should know, 'cause she fell for the same tricks\nI should know, 'cause she laughed at the same jokes\nI should know, 'cause she fell for the same tricks\nI once usedYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Biffy_Clyro___Folding_Stars

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"Folding Stars Lyrics[Verse 1]\nTake a long hard look at yourself\nHow did you end up here?\nThe blood drips like red inverted balloons\nTomorrow is a promise to no-one\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nIf you want, follow me and I'll lead you aside\nYou don't have to run and hide\n\n[Chorus]\nEleanor, Eleanor\nI would do anything for another minute with you cause\nIt's not getting easier, it's not getting easier\n[Verse 2]\nIn a bedroom with no windows or doors\nAll the happy people are crying\nYou can't hold a gaze for a second or two\nIt always ends in total darkness\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nIf you want, follow me and I'll lead you aside\nYou don't have to run and hide\n\n[Chorus]\nEleanor, Eleanor\nI would do anything for another minute with you cause\nIt's not getting easier, it's not getting easier\n\n[Bridge]\nYou will be folding stars, Eleanor\nYou can't ever understand\nIt's not getting easier, it's not getting easier\n\nIt ends in a place with no love only hate\nAnd a mirror reflecting the truth\nIn your eyes, in your face you can't wash it away\nFrom your cold, cold heart\n\n[Chorus]\nEleanor, Eleanor\nI would do anything for another minute with you cause\nIt's not getting easier, it's not getting easier\nYou might also like[Bridge]\nYou will be folding stars, Eleanor\nYou can't ever understand\nIt's not getting easier, it's not getting easier\nIt's not getting easier, not getting easier\n\nI hope that you're folding starsEmbed", 'default'

Electric_Light_Orchestra___Wild_West_Hero

happy

'Wild West Hero Lyrics[Intro]\nWish I was, yeah\nA Wild West hero\n\n[Verse 1]\nSometimes I look up high\nAnd then I think there might\nJust be a better life\nAway from all we know\nThat\'s where I wanna go\nOut on the wild side\n[Pre-Chorus]\nAnd I wish I was\nOh-oh-oh-oh, a Wild West hero\n\n[Chorus]\nRide the range all the day\n\'Til the first fading light\nBe with my western girl\n\'Round the fire, oh, so bright\nI\'d be the Indians\' friend\nLet them live to be free\nRidin\' into the sunset\nI wish I could be\n\n[Instrumental Bridge]\n\n[Verse 2]\nI\'d ride the desert sands\nAnd through the prairie lands\nTryin\' to do what\'s right\nThe folks would come to me\nThey\'d say, "We need you here"\nI\'d stay there for the night\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nOh, I wish I was\nOh-oh-oh-oh, a Wild West hero\nYou might also like[Chorus]\nRide the range all the day\n\'Til the first fading light\nBe with my western girl\n\'Round the fire, oh, so bright\nI\'d be the Indians\' friend\nLet them live to be free\nRidin\' into the sunset\nI wish I could be\n\n[Instrumental Bridge]\n\n[Outro]\nOh, I wish I was\nOh-oh-oh-oh, a Wild West hero\nI wish I was\nOh-oh-oh-oh, a Wild West hero\nOh, I wish I was\nOh-oh-oh-oh, a Wild West hero\nWish I was\nOh-oh-oh-oh, a Wild West hero\nWish I was\nOoh-ooh-ooh-ooh, a Wild West heroEmbed', 'default'

Dr_Alban___Look_Whos_Talking

happy

"Look Who’s Talking LyricsLook who's talking now\nLook who's talking come on come on\nLook who's talking shut your mouth\n\nMe know a pop star we call him mr x\nHe has a very very complex attitude\nHe said some nasty things about I and i\nHe even said some nasty things about everyone\nMe no like the way him chat\nI say me no like the way him go\nThat's why me said to him look who is talking\nLook who's talking now...\n\nCome to moral he said that he is the best\nHe is very critical keep complaining all the time\nEveryone is wrong he's the one that is right\nThis striking pop star would not even give up\nHe is an opportunist with one hit song\nThat's why me said to him\nLook who's talking\n\nLook who's talking now...You might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Bullet_For_My_Valentine___Hearts_Burst_Into_Fire

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"Hearts Burst into Fire Lyrics[Verse 1]\nI'm coming home\nI've been gone for far too long\nDo you remember me at all?\nI'm leaving\nHave I fucked things up again?\nI'm dreaming\nToo much time without you spent\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nIt hurts\nWounds so sore\nNow I'm torn\nNow I'm torn\n[Chorus]\nI've been far away\nWhen I see your face\nMy hearts burst into fire\nHearts burst into fire\n\n[Verse 2]\nYou're not alone\nI know I'm far from home\nDo you remember me at all?\nI'm leaving\nDo you wait for me again?\nI'm screaming\nNo more days without you spent\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nIt hurts\nWounds so sore\nNow I'm torn\nNow I'm torn\n\n[Chorus]\nI've been far away\nWhen I see your face\nMy hearts burst into fire\nHearts burst into fire\nYou might also like[Bridge]\nMy bed's so cold, so lonely\nNo arms, just sheets to hold me\nHas this world stopped turning?\nAre we forever to be apart?\nForever to be apart\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nIt hurts\nWounds so sore\nNow I'm torn\nNow I'm torn\n\n[Chorus]\nI've been far away\nWhen I see your face\nMy hearts burst into fire\nHearts burst into fire\n\n[Outro]\nI'm coming home\nI've been gone for far too long!\nI'm coming home\nDo you remember me at all?\nDo you remember me at all?\nI'm leaving\nI'm screaming\nI'm dreaming\nMy hearts burst into fire!13Embed", 'default'

Jimmy_Ruffin___Gonna_Give_Her_All_The_Love_Ive_Got

happy

"Gonna Give Her All the Love I’ve Got Lyrics[Verse 1]\nThere's a train leaving here tomorrow, yeah\nAnd I'll be a free, free man once again, yes I will now\nI'm so glad I served my time\nI'm gonna meet the girl that I left behind\n\n[Chorus]\nAnd when I see her, I'm gonna give her\nAll the love I've got\nOoh, when I see her, I'm gonna give her\nAll the love I've got\n[Verse 2]\nThere were times, there were times\nWhen each day seems like a year, yes it did now\nBut the sweet things she said in her letters\nMade the times disappear, oh yeah\nShe said, No one's arms will I let hold me\n'cause in your arms is where I want to be\n\n[Chorus]\nSo when I see her, I'm gonna give her\nAll the love I've got\nWhen I see her, I'm gonna give her\nAll the love I've got\n\n[Bridge]\nOoo, baby, baby, baby, I miss you so, ooh\n\n[Verse 3]\nCountless nights I stared out my window\nAt the moonlight, yes I did now\nThinking about the way I used to\nHold her tight, oh yeah\nI must've been out of my mind\nTo do the wrong I did and leave her behind\n\n[Chorus]\nSo when I see her, I'm gonna give her\nAll the love I've got, listen to me\nWhen I see her, I'm gonna give her\nAll the love I've got\nBelieve me when I tell ya When I see her, I'm gonna give her all the love I've gotYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Eels___Dirty_Girl

happy

"Dirty Girl LyricsI like a girl with a dirty mouth\nSomeone that I can believe\nWe had a window, not open too long\nBut that time is good and gone\n\nAnd if I ever see her again\nJust walking by with some new guy\nI know that we will need to pretend\nAnd hope our eyes keep telling lies\n\nSit on the back porch and wonder 'bout her\nWhat is she doing right now?\nMaking somebody a happier man\nDying her hair back to brown\nOnce in a while your life gets so good\nWorth all the trouble of the past\nThat was the case but I think I always knew\nGood things don't ever last\n\nAnd if I ever see her again\nJust walking by with some new guy\nI know that we will need to pretend\nAnd hope our eyes keep telling lies\n\nI like a girl with a dirty mouth\nKnow that I can trust her\nWe had our time but it didn't last too long\nAnd that time is good and gone\nThat time is good and gone\nThat time is good and goneYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Dodgy___If_Youre_Thinking_Of_Me

happy

"If You’re Thinking of Me LyricsI'm waiting for a friend to come, to help me off the ground\nBetter come sooner than later, can't stop feeling down\nScattered memories drifting back from my stereo\nOf how we dream this could be and how we let it go\n\nIf you're thinking of me, you've got to let me know\n'Cause loneliness seems such a waste, I can't stop feeling low\n\nI'm searching for the rights, that I've got in my mind\nSympathy and understanding then there is no better time\nNo one ever shows you how to learn\nThey'd all stand around and watch you burn\nIf you're thinking of me, you've got to let me know Got to let me know\n'Cause loneliness seems such a waste, I can't stop feeling low Can't stop feeling low\n\nOoooh, Aaaah, You've got to let me know\nOoooh, Ooooh\nOoooh, Aaaah\nOoooh, Aaaah\n\nI'm searching for the right reasons that I've got in my mind\n\nSympathy and understanding then there is no better time\nNo one ever taught me how to learn\nThey'd all stand around and watch you burn\n\nIf you're thinking of me, you've got to let me know\n'Cause loneliness seems such a waste, I can't stop feeling low Can't stop feeling low\n\nIf you're thinking of me, you've got to let me know Got to let me know\n'Cause loneliness seems such a waste, I can't stop feeling low Can't stop feeling low\n\nOoooh Aaaah I can't stop feeling low\nOoooh Aaaah\n\nI'm waiting for a friend to come to help me off the ground\nI'm waiting for a friend to come to help me off the ground Got to let me know\nI'm waiting for a friend to come to help me off the ground\nI'm waiting for a friend to come to help me off the ground Can't stop feeling low\nYou might also likeGot to let me know\nI'm searching for the right reasons that I've got in my mind\nSympathy and understanding then there is no better timeEmbed", 'default'

Diana_Krall___The_Night_We_Called_It_A_Day

happy

"The Night We Called It a Day LyricsThere was a moon out in space\nBut a cloud drifted over its face\nYou kissed me and went on your way\nThe night we called it a day\n\nI heard the song of the spheres\nLike a minor lament in my ears\nI hadn't the heart left to pray\nThe night we called it a day\n\nSoft through the dark\nThe hoot of an owl in the sky\nSad though his song\nNo bluer was he than I\nThe moon went down, stars were gone\nThe sun didn't rise with the dawn\nThere wasn't a thing left to say\nThe night we called it a day\n\nSoft through the dark\nThe hoot of an owl in the sky\nSad though his song\nNo bluer was he than I\n\nThe moon went down, stars were gone\nBut the sun didn't rise with the dawn\nThere wasn't a thing left to say\nThe night we called it a daySee Diana Krall LiveGet tickets as low as $67You might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Fun_Lovin_Criminals___10th_Street

happy

"10Th Street LyricsWhen 8 o'clock rolls around\nAnd the same old shit is gettin' down\nGo to 10th street, yeah 10th street\nIf you don't want d and you don't want that crap\nBut you gotta get the monkey off ya back\nGo to 10th street, 10th street\n\nChorus:\nWe got what ya need\nA pillow bag with much to many seeds\nUp on 10th street\nBaby, baby keep it down\nI believe I see the man\nLook around as much as you like\nSmell the bags and hold on tight on 10th street\nYeah, 10th street\nThey'll gladly snatch your cash, give 'em ... shit and call it hash on 10th street\nThat's right on 10th street\n\nChorusYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Chaka_Demus__Pliers___Tease_Me

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"Tease Me LyricsOh, yeaheah\nOh, darling\nMmm...\n\nShe is floating like a butterfly\nSo charming Baby, girl\nShe recognise the man in me Number one in di world\nThere's something in her eyes\nLike a spell getting me hypnotized, oooh, Lord\n\nShe give me one smile\nTwo smile, three smile\nShe got me going wild Worth more than diamonds and pearl\nSo, baby, don't change your smile Sweet honey, oh no, no love\nTease me, tease me, tease me, baby\n'Till I lose control\nTease me with your loving until I lose control\nTake all my body and soul, oh, girl\n\nWoman, your love is like burning fire inna me soul\nWoman, tease me woman 'till I lose control\nWoman, your love is like burning fire inna me soul\nWoman, tease me 'till me lose control\n\nMe gal, tease me and take a look and fancy\nRight from the clock until me reach climax\nA when me reach me will tell you fi stop\nWill ya hear fi de sky and we not turn back\n\nSuddenly you think of all the love that I was searching for\nHolding confidence that will never, never fail\nHearing angel voices singing love prevail\nOooh, darling\nOooh, hey, come closer to me and don't bail out\nWhen me sing I'll come\n\nTease me, tease me, tease me, baby\n'Till I lose control\nTease me with your love until I lose control\nTake all my body and soul, oh, girl\nYou might also likeTease me, tease me, tease me, baby\n'Till I lose control\nTease me with your love until I lose control\nTake all my body and soul, oh, girl\n\nHear me now, I will never forget the first time we kissed\nIt's like striking goal, catching a big fish\nYes, you are on top of my romance list\nSecond to none you defeat the favourite\n\nWoman, your love is like burning fire inna me soul\nWoman, tease me woman 'till I lose control\nWoman, your love is like burning fire inna me soul\nWoman, tease me 'till me lose control\n\nAnd even if my mind should resist\nOhoho, yeaheah\n\nTease me, tease me, tease me, baby\n'Till I lose control\nTease me with your love until I lose control\nTake all my body and soul, oh, girl\n\nTease me, tease me, tease me, baby\n'Till I lose control\nTease me with your love until I lose control\nTake all my body and soul, oh, girlEmbed", 'default'

Aerosmith___Falling_In_Love_Is_Hard_On_The_Knees

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'Falling in Love Is Hard on the Knees Lyrics[Chorus 1]\nYou\'re so bad you\'re so bad you\'re so\nYou\'re so bad you\'re so bad you\'re so\n\n[Verse 1]\nYou think you\'re in love\nLike it\'s a real sure thing\nBut every time you fall\nYou get your ass in a sling\nYou used to be strong\nBut now it\'s "ooh baby please"\nBecause falling in love is so hard on the knees\n[Chorus 1]\nYou\'re so bad you\'re so bad you\'re so\nYou\'re so bad you\'re so bad you\'re so\n\n[Verse 2]\nWe was making love when you told me that you loved me\nI thought ol\' cupid, he was taking aim\nI was believer when you told me that you loved me\nAnd then you called me someone else\'s name\nYeah!\n\n[Chorus 2]\nThere ain\'t gonna be no more begging you please\nYou know what I want\nAnd it ain\'t one of these\nYou\'re bad to the bone\nAnd your girlfriend agrees\nThat falling in love is so hard on the knees\n\n[Chorus 1]\nYou\'re so bad you\'re so bad you\'re so\nYou\'re so bad you\'re so bad you\'re so\n\n[Verse 3]\nChip off the old block\nMan, you\'re so much like your sister\nMy fantasizin\' must be outta luck\nMy old libido has been blowin\' a transistor\nI feel like I have been hit by a fuck, yeah\nYou might also like[Chorus 3]\nI\'m jonesing on love\nYeah, I got the DT\'s\nYou say that we will\nBut there ain\'t no guarantees\nI\'m major in love\nBut in all minor keys\n\'Cause falling in love is so hard on the knees\nYeah!\n\n[Verse 4]\nWhat are you looking for\nIt\'s got to be hardcore\nMust be some kind of nouveau riche\nIs this your only chance\nOr some hypnotic trance\nLet\'s get you on a tighter leash\nOwn it own it own it\n\n[Guitar solo]\n\n[Chorus 1]\nYou\'re so bad you\'re so bad you\'re so\nYou\'re so bad you\'re so bad you\'re so\n\n[Verse 5]\nYou ain\'t that good\nIs what you said down to the letter\nBut you like the way I hold the microphone\nSometimes I\'m good, but when I\'m bad\nI\'m even better\nDon\'t give me no lip\nI\'ve got enough of my own\n[Chorus 2]\nThere ain\'t gonna be no more begging you please\nYou know what I want\nAnd it ain\'t one of these\nYou\'re bad to the bone\nAnd your girlfriend agrees\nThat falling in love is so hard on the knees\n\n[Chorus 3]\nI\'m jonesing on love\nYeah, I got the DT\'s\nYou say that we will\nBut there ain\'t no guarantees\nI\'m major in love\nBut in all minor keys\n\'Cause falling in love is so hard on the kneesEmbed', 'default'

Clifford_T_Ward___Home_Thoughts_From_Abroad

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"Home Thoughts from Abroad LyricsI could be a millionaire if I had the money\nI could own a mansion, no I don't think I'd like that\nBut I might write a song that makes you laugh, now that would be funny\nAnd you could tell your friends in England you'd like that\nBut now I've chosen aeroplanes and boats to come between us\nAnd a line or two on paper wouldn't go amiss\nHow is Worcestershire? Is it still the same between us?\nDo you still use television to send you fast asleep?\nCan you last another week? Does the cistern still leak?\nOr have you found a man to mend it?\nOh, and by the way, how's your broken heart?\nIs that mended too? I miss you\nI miss you, I really do\nI've been reading Browning, Keats and William Wordsworth\nAnd they all seem to be saying the same thing for me\nWell I like the words they use, and I like the way they use them\nYou know, Home Thoughts From Abroad is such a beautiful poem\nAnd I know how Robert Browning must have felt\n'Cause I'm feeling the same way about you\nWondering what you're doing and if you need some help\nDo I still occupy your mind? Am I being so unkind?\nDo you find it very lonely, or have you found someone to laugh with?\nOh, and by the way, are you laughing now?\n'Cause I'm not, I miss you\nI miss you, I really do\n\nI really doYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Aaron_Sprinkle___Sweeter_Than_Me

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"Sweeter Than Me LyricsYesterday morning when you told me\nThat you have never felt this lonely\nI saw the sadness in your eyes\nYou told me how you feel disguised\n\nConfiding in me about the sleepless\nNights that you cannot seem to keep this\nHurting buried in your dreams\nYou're facing darkness twice as deep\n\nYou're much sweeter than me by far\nYou're much stronger than me\nYou know you are\nLook up at the floral pattern curtains\nIn picking them out you were so certain\nNow there's indecision in your eyes\nYou're finding comfort thinking twice\n\nBy leaning in your windowsill\nYou show me all I need to know\nWhether you see Summer, Winter or Fall\nWhen I look at you I see them all\n\nSit down at the table with your jewelry\nRemembering each and every story\n\nYou're much sweeter than me by far\nYou're much stronger than me by far\nYou're much sweeter than me by far\nYou're much stronger than me\nYou know you areYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Gentle_Giant___Working_All_Day

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"Working All Day LyricsWorking all day, I'm digging up the roads\nJust working all day\nDig for my pay and spend it where I like\nI've nothing to say\nDrown in my sweat but money buys escape\nI've got no regrets\nWorking all day\nWorking all day\n\nWhen I was young I used to have illusions\nDreams ain't enough\nFather was rough, he didn't care for learning\nHell life is tough\nEasy to say that everybody's equal\nThen look around and see it ain't true\nWorking all day\nI eat the dust, the boss gets all the money\nLife ain't just\nI'm still the same as all the other people\nWho can I trust?\nWorking all day and never getting nowhere\nWhat can I say, working all day\nWorking all dayYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Boney_M___Gotta_Go_Home

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"Gotta Go Home Lyrics[Chorus]\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\n\n[Verse 1]\nHeadin' for the islands\nWe're ready, man, and packed to go\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\nWhen we hit those islands\nThere's gonna be a big hello\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\nDiggin' all the sunshine\nIt's easy not to say goodbye, bye, bye, bye\nHeadin' for the islands\nHey, yeah, we're really flyin' high\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\n[Pre-Chorus]\nGotta go home, home, home\nGotta go home, home, home\nGotta go home, home, home\nGotta go home, home, home\nGotta go home\n\n[Chorus]\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\n\n[Verse 2]\nWalkin' down the beaches\nTomorrow morning, we'll be there\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\nGolden sandy beaches\nSay, I can smell the breezy air\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\nOne more celebration\nAnd then we're ready for goodbye, bye, bye, bye\nWalkin' down the beaches\nHey, yeah, we're really flyin' high\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\nYou might also like[Pre-Chorus]\nGotta go home, home, home\nGotta go home, home, home\nGotta go home, home, home\nGotta go home, home, home\nGotta go home\n\n[Chorus]\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\nOoh-ooh-hoo-ooh, hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh\n\n[Bridge]\nDo-do-do, do-do-do-do-do\nDo-do-do, do-do-do-do-do\nDo-do-do, do-do-do-do-do\nDo-do-do, do-do-do-do-do\nGoing back home Do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do\nGoing back home Do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do\nGoing back home Do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do\nGoing back home Do-do-do, do-do-do\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nGotta go home, home, home\nGotta go home, home, home\nGotta go home, home, home\nGotta go home, home, home\n[Outro]\nGotta go home1Embed", 'default'

Darryl_Worley___Nothin_But_A_Love_Thang

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"Nothin’ But A Love Thang LyricsLay down with me;\nLet me ease your mind\nDon't start thinkin':\nBaby, we ain't got time\nNo we ain't got time\n\nHold me, baby, right up till dawn\nHello sunshine:\nDoodle, do, de, ooh, do:\nListen to the birds sing\nFeels so right, there ain't nothin' wrong\nAn' it's so damn easy:\nCall it what you want to\nNothin' but a love thing\nRock me, baby:\nTake me round the world\nI'm your man an'\nI'm here to please you, girl:\nI'm here to please you, little girl\n\nHold me, baby, right up till dawn\nHello sunshine:\nDoodle, do, de, ooh, do:\nListen to the birds sing\nFeels so right, there ain't nothin' wrong\nAn' it's so damn easy:\nCall it what you want to\nNothin' but a love thing\n\nInstrumental break\n\nThis kind of thing comes from Heaven above\nAn' I just can't get enough\nNo, I can't get enough\n\nHold me, baby, right up till dawn\nHello sunshine:\nDoodle, do, de, ooh, do:\nListen to the birds sing\nFeels so right, there ain't nothin' wrong\nAn' it's so damn easy:\nCall it what you want to\nNothin' but a love thing\nYou might also likeHold me, baby, Hold me, baby.\nRight up till dawn. Right up till dawn.\nHello sunshine:\nDoodle, do, de, ooh, do:\nListen to the birds sing\nFeels so right, Feels so right.\nThere ain't nothin' wrong. Ain't nothin' wrong.\nAn' it's so damn easy:\nCall it what you want to\nNothin' but a love thing, y'allEmbed", 'default'

Huggy_Bear___No_Sleep

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"No Sleep LyricsNo sleep till the location's found\nNo sleep till that man is out of town\nNo sleep till I can't hear the sound\nOf your voice, your voice telling me there is no choice\nYour voice, your voice telling me there is no choice\n\nNo sleep till that man is found\nNo sleep till that man is out of town\nNo sleep till I can't hear the sound\nOf your voice your voice telling me there is no choice\nYour voice your voice your voice\nThere is a choice!You might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Bruce_Springsteen___Tunnel_Of_Love

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"Tunnel of Love LyricsFat man sitting on a little stool takes the money from my hand\nWhile his eyes take a walk all over you\nHands me the ticket, smiles and whispers good luck with her\nCuddle up, angel, cuddle up, my little dove\nWe'll ride down, baby, into this tunnel of love\n\nI can feel the soft silk of your blouse\nAnd them soft thrills in our little fun house\nThen the lights go out and it's just the three of us\nYou, me and all that stuff we're so scared of\nGotta ride down, baby, into this tunnel of love\nThere's a crazy mirror showing us both in 5-D\nI’m laughing at you, you’re laughing at me\nThere’s a room of shadows that gets so dark, brother\nIt’s easy for two people to lose each other\nIn this tunnel of love\n\nIt ought to be easy, ought to be simple enough\nMan meets a woman and they fall in love\nBut this house is haunted and the ride gets rough\nYou've got to learn to live with what you can't rise above\nIf you want to ride on down in through this tunnel of love\n\nTunnel of love\nTunnel of love\nTunnel of loveSee Bruce Springsteen LiveGet tickets as low as $12You might also like2Embed", 'default'

HUM___If_You_Are_To_Bloom

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"If You Are to Bloom LyricsI'm thinking of your wide open eyes\nSmiling as they feed the nerves\nThat push the field of silver and the colorful lines\nThat only you could see like only you could do\n\nI'm picturing a forcep in ice\nThat you would see if you could reach\nAnd reconnect the engine to the delicate lens\nBut I just sit and wait for a blip to break the perfect little thin green line\n\nI dreamt of jet-less high\nSeeing clouds from the other side\nAnd rolling softly until the underbelly shines\nAnd the back skims through the steam\nFeeding upturned mouths and sprinkling away\nA dusty sleep you took too soon\nAnd you need watering if you are to bloom\nI'm thinking of your failing green eyes\nSmiling as they greet the day\nBut they can't see me\n\nAnd now I'm picturing us opening wide\nAnd drinking down our days in haze and bliss\nTogether till it tumbles aside\nBut I just sit and wait for a rhythm in a perfect little thin green line\nIt's true so soon\n\nAnd the coil speaks\nI'd like to see us together\nI'd like to lay my head low\nI need to lean on a soft one\nAnd bring the spin of the world to a halt\nAnd the coil sleeps\nAnd you've been gathering angels\nAnd fading further each day\nI love you now as I never\nRemember my face as it quietly makes your way\n\nI dreamt of jet-less high\nSeeing clouds from the other side\nAnd rolling softly until the underbelly shines\nAnd the back skims through the steam\nFeeding upturned mouths and sprinkling away\nA dusty sleep you took too soon\nAnd you need watering if you are to bloomYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Eva_Cassidy___What_A_Wonderful_World

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'What a Wonderful World LyricsI see trees that are green, red roses too\nI watch them bloom for me and you\nAnd I think to myself, what a wonderful world\n\nI hear babies cry, I watch them grow\nThey\'ll learn much more, than I\'ll ever know\nAnd I think to myself, ohh what a wonderful world\n\nThe colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky\nAre also on the faces of the people passing by\nI see friends shaking hands, saying, "how do you do?"\nBut they\'re really saying, "I love you"\nThe colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky\nAre also on the faces of the people passing by\nI see friends shaking hands, saying, "how do you do?"\nBut they\'re really saying, "I love you\n\nI see trees of green and red roses too\nI watch them bloom for me and you\nAnd I think to myself, oh what a wonderful world\n\nI think to myself, ooh what a wonderful worldYou might also likeEmbed', 'default'

Junkie_XL_Feat_Lauren_Rocket___More

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"More LyricsA cloudy vision\nA sense of grandeur\nI don't care what is wrong or right\nThe earth is bleeding\nAnd secreting madness\nPetrified, gone dry inside\nThe wheels keep turning\nAnd the clock is pounding\nAnd there's only more and more\nThat I want\nAnd through the things\nYou can still feel the sounding\nOf the maze, of the place\nWhere things still matter\n\nChorus:\nRock more\nRoll more\nFuck more\nPac-Man is loving it\n\nRock more\nRoll more\nFuck more\nPac-man is loving it\n\nConsume until you bleed\nI'll get down on my knees\n\nChorus\n\nFuck\n\nA loss of feeling\nA sense of numbness\nAnd it's spinning\nLike a top out of sight\nClimb out the window\nWhat the hell do you know?\nYou don't even seem to put up a fight\nYou might also likeCreated by me, for me\nIt's a place called reality\nBroken mirrors\nAnd broken promises made easily\n\nBut I just want you to\n\nChorus\n\nConsume until you bleed\nI'll get down on my knees\n\nChorusEmbed", 'default'

Ian_Van_Dahl___Castles_In_The_Sky

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'Castles in the Sky Lyrics[Verse]\nDo you ever question your life?\nDo you ever wonder why?\nDo you ever see in your dreams...\nAll the castles in the sky?\n\n[Chorus]\nOh tell me why...\nDo we build castles in the sky?\nOh tell me why...\nAre the castles way up high\nPlease tell me why...\nDo we build castles in the sky?\nOh tell me why...\nAre the castles way up high\n[Verse]\nDo you ever question your life?\nDo you ever wonder why?\nDo you ever see in your dreams...\nAll the castles in the sky?\n\n[Chorus]\nOh tell me why...\nDo we build castles in the sky?\nOh tell me why...\nAre the castles way up high\nPlease tell me why...\nDo we build castles in the sky?\nOh tell me why...\nAre the castles way up highYou might also like4Embed', 'default'

Jenny_Owen_Youngs___Drinking_Song

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"Drinking Song LyricsEverything I touch turns to shit\nEveryone I try to love won't hear of it\nNow my hands are overfull of things I'd like to give\nDoes anybody want it?\nDoes anybody want it?\nDoes anybody want me?\n\nI've been mapping it out\nI don't know what's wrong with me\nBut I wish that it was something else\nI've been mapping it out\nMaybe you should find a girl who cares about herself\nIt's silence at the bottom of a bottle\nBa da da da da da\nIt's silence at the bottom of a bottle\nBa da da da da da\n\nEverywhere I look I see your face\nNo button I can push, delete, erase\nCan nothing straight but for the emptiness\nNo one left for me to miss\n\nI've been mapping it out\nI don't know what's wrong with me\nBut I wish that it was something else\nI've been mapping it out\nMaybe you should find a girl who cares about herself\n\nIt's silence at the bottom of a bottle\nBa da da da da da\nIt's silence at the bottom of a bottle\nBa da da da da da\n\nDown here we've got so much time to forget\n\nI wonder if this is how I pay for the things I've broken carelessly\nNobody wants to step on it\nI guess I just keep drinking\nYou might also likeIt's silence at the bottom of a bottle\nBa da da da da da\nIt's silence at the bottom of a bottle\nBa da da da da da\n\nThe problem will find them sooner or later\nYou have to hit somethingEmbed", 'default'

David_Gilmour___This_Heaven

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"This Heaven LyricsAll the pieces fall into place\nWhen we walk these fields\nAnd I reach out and touch your face\nThis earthly heaven is enough for me\n\nSo break the bread and pour the wine\nI need no blessings but I'm counting mine\nLife is much more than money buys\nWhen I see the faith in my children's eyes\n\nI've felt the power in a holy place\nAnd wished for comfort when in need\nNow I'm here in a state of grace\nThis earthly heaven is enough for me\nSo break the bread and pour the wine\nI need no blessings but I'm counting mine\n\nSo break the bread and pour the wine\nI need no blessings but I'm counting mine\nLife is much more than money buys\nWhen I see the faith in my children's eyesYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

British_Sea_Power___Please_Stand_Up

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"Please Stand Up LyricsOh take me somewhere quiet please\nThese motorway exit gates\nAre calling to me dearly\nAnd I need a place to go\n\nAnd even numbers on a timetable\nArrivals and departures and\nThose places' names\nNever seemed so strange before\n\nIf there's anyone asking, did you get a rush?\nThere's no point in asking if it wasn't enough\nThere's nobody else here, so please stand up\nIf there's anyone asking, did you get a rush?\nThere's no point in asking, it wasn't enough\nThere's nobody else here, so please stand up\nThe occultation of a summer sun\nWas burning holes in everyone\nDefenceless, what was left inside could finally escape\n\nIt seemed as if the streets had melted\nIt seemed as if the air was scented\nI wish all of time could be like this\n\nIf there's anyone asking, did you get a rush?\nThere's no point in asking, it wasn't enough\nThere's nobody else here, so please stand up\n\nOh oh, oh my love\n\nIf there's anyone asking, did you get a rush?\nThere's no point in asking, it wasn't enough\nThere's nobody else here, so please stand up\n\nAnd then all of the sudden it's all better better\nA little excitement makes us wetter wetter\n\nOh my love\nAgain, again, again, again my loveYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

James_Morrison___You_Give_Me_Something

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"You Give Me Something Lyrics[Verse 1]\nYou only stay with me in the morning\nYou only hold me when I sleep\nI was meant to tread the water\nBut now I've gotten in too deep\nFor every piece of me that wants you\nAnother piece backs away\n\n[Chorus 1]\n'Cause you give me something\nThat makes me scared alright\nThis could be nothing\nBut I'm willing to give it a try\nPlease give me something\n'Cause someday I might know my heart\n[Verse 2]\nYou only waited up for hours\nJust to spend a little time alone with me\nAnd I can say I've never bought you flowers\nI can't work out what they mean\nI never thought that I'd love someone\nThat was someone else's dream\n\n[Chorus 2]\nAs you give me something\nThat makes me scared alright\nThis could be nothing\nBut I'm willing to give it a try\nPlease give me something\n'Cause someday I might call you from my heart\n\n[Bridge]\nBut it might be a second too late\nAnd the words that I could never say\nAre gonna come out anyway\n\n[Chorus 3]\n'Cause you give me something\nThat makes me scared alright\nThis could be nothing\nBut I'm willing to give it a try\nPlease give me something\n'Cause you give me something\nThat makes me scared alright\nThis could be nothing\nBut I'm willing to give it a try\nPlease give me something\n'Cause someday I might know my heart\nYou might also like[Outro]\nKnow my heart, know my heart, know my heart4Embed", 'default'

Christina_Milian___When_You_Look_At_Me

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'When You Look at Me Lyrics[Chorus]\nTell me, who do you think you see?\nYou\'re standing in your corner looking out on me\nYou think I\'m so predictable\nTell me, who do you think I am?\nLooks can be deceiving\nBetter guess again\nTell me what you see\nWhen you look at me\n\n[Verse 1]\nYou\'re probably thinking that I want those things\nCash, cars, diamond rings\nThinkin\' on my side the grass is green\nBut you don\'t know where I have been\nI could be a wolf in disguise\nI could be an angel in your eyes\nNever judge a book by its cover\n[Pre-Chorus]\nI could be a crook or your lover\nI could be the one or the other\nIf you\'d look beneath, you\'d discover\nYou just don\'t know me!\n\n[Chorus]\nTell me, who do you think you see?\nYou\'re standing in your corner looking out on me\nYou think I\'m so predictable\nTell me, who do you think I am?\nLooks can be deceiving\nBetter guess again\nTell me what you see\nWhen you look at me\n\n[Verse 2]\nYou look at your neighbor, thinking "What a guy!"\n\'Cause he\'s got a 9-5\nAnd I bet that you don\'t realize\nHe stalks you while you sleep at night\nBut you\'re scared of the homeless guy\nThink he\'s gonna wanna start a fight\nNever judge a book by its cover\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nI could be a crook or your lover\nI could be the one or the other\nIf you\'d look beneath, you\'d discover\nYou just don\'t know me!\nYou might also like[Chorus]\nTell me, who do you think you see? Who do you think you see?\nYou\'re standing in your corner looking out on me On me\nYou think I\'m so predictable\nTell me, who do you think I am?\nLooks can be deceiving Can be deceiving\nBetter guess again\nTell me what you see\nWhen you look at me\nTell me, who do you think you see?\nYou\'re standing in your corner looking out on me On me\nYou think I\'m so predictable\nTell me, who do you think I am?\nLooks can be deceiving Can be deceiving\nBetter guess again again\nTell me what you see\nWhen you look at me\n\n[bridge]\nNow tell me, who do you think I am? Huh?\nYou don\'t even know me\nWell, did you think about this?\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nI could be a crook or your lover\nI could be the one or the other\nIf you\'d look beneath, you\'d discover\nYou just don\'t know me!\n[Chorus]\nTell me, who do you think you see?\nYou\'re standing in your corner looking out Out on me On me\nYou think I\'m so predictable\nTell me, who do you think I am? Who do you think I am?\nLooks can be deceiving\nBetter guess again Again\nTell me what you see\nWhen you look at me\nTell me, who do you think you see? Who do you think you see?\nYou\'re standing in your corner looking out on me On me\nYou think I\'m so predictable\nTell me, who do you think I am? Oh\nLooks can be deceiving\nBetter guess again Again\nTell me what you see\nWhen you look at me3Embed', 'default'

Everclear___So_Much_For_The_Afterglow

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"So Much for the Afterglow LyricsThis is a song about Susan\nThis is a song about the girl next door\nThis is a song about the everyday occurrences that make me feel like letting go\nYes I think we've got a problem\n\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\n\nThis is a song about Susan\nYeah, this is a song about the way things are\nThis is a song about the scary things you see from the corner of your eye\nDon't you wonder why\nWe never talk about the future?\nYeah, we never talk about the past anymore\nWe never ask ourselves the questions to the answers that nobody even wants to know\nGuess our honeymoon is over\n\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\n\nOoh, I remember we could talk about anything\nI remember when we used to want to hang out\nI remember we could talk about anything\nI remember when we used to want to hang out\nI remember we could talk about anything\nI remember when we used to want to hang out\nI remember when we used to want to hang out\nI remember we could talk about anything\nI remember, I remember, I remember!\n\nYeah!\n\nYeah, We never talk about the future\nOh, We never talk about the past anymore\nWe never ask ourselves the questions to the answers that nobody needs to know\nYou might also likeOh well oh well oh well\nSo much for the afterglow\nOh well oh well oh well\nSo much for the afterglow\nOh well oh well oh well\nSo much for the afterglow\nOh well oh well oh well\nYes I guess we need the drama\n\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nYeah, so much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglow\nSo much for the afterglowEmbed", 'default'

Born_Jamericans___Venus

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"Venus LyricsHey, Venus\nOh, Venus\n\nVenus, if you will\nPlease send a little girl for me to thrill\nA girl who wants my kisses and my arms\nA girl with all the charms of you\n\nVenus, make her fair\nA lovely girl with sunlight in her hair\nAnd take the brightest stars up in the skies\nAnd place them in her eyes for me\nVenus, goddess of love what you are\nSurely the things I ask\nCan't be too great a task\n\nVenus, if you do\nI promise that I always will be true\nI'll give her all the love I have to give\nAs long as we both shall live\n\nVenus, if you do\nI promise that I always will be true\nI'll give her all the love I have to give\nAs long as we both shall live\n\nHey, Venus\nOh, Venus\nMake my wish come trueYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'

Covenant___Brave_New_world

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'Brave New World LyricsThe earth is shaking\nDown below our feet\nWe move in wonder\nAnd we generate the beat\nOur blood is boiling\nWonderful in heat\nWe glow like embers\nDancing in the dark\n\nWhere is the promised land\nWhere is the brave new world\nWhere do all dreams go when they die\nWe can move the streets today\nThe lights are fading out\nBefore our eyes\nWe lose each other\nAnd we celebrate the peace\nOur lives are changing\nFaster than we think\nWe flow like dancers\nCrashing in the dark\nAnother morning broken\nShattered sheets of lead\nClouds the size of oceans\nInside and above our headsYou might also likeEmbed', 'default'

Ben_Folds_Five___Kate

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'Kate Lyrics[Verse 1]\nShe plays "Wipeout" on the drums\nThe squirrels and the birds come\nGather around to sing the guitar\nOh, I... Have you got nothing to say?\n\n[Verse 2]\nWhen all words fail, she speaks\nHer mixtape\'s a masterpiece\nWalks through the garden\nSo the roses can see\nOh, I... Have you got nothing to say?\n[Pre-Chorus]\nAnd you can see the daisies\nIn her footsteps\nDandelions dandelions\nButterflies butterflies\n\n[Chorus]\nI wanna be Kate!\nKate!\nKate!\nKate!\n\n[Verse 3]\nEvery day she wears the same thing\nI think she smokes pot\nShe\'s everything I want\nShe\'s everything I\'m not\nOh, I... Have you got nothing to say?\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nShe never gets wet\nShe smiles and it\'s a rainbow oh, oh\nAnd she speaks and she speaks\nAnd she breathes yeah, and she breathes\n\n[Chorus]\nI wanna be Kate!\nKate!\nKate!\nKate!\nYou might also like[Verse 4]\nDown by Rosemary and Cameron\nShe hands out the Bhagavad Gita\nI see her around every couple days\nI wanna see her so that I can say, "Hey... Kate!"\n\n[Bridge]\nOoh, la la la\nOoh, la la la\nOooh, la la la laa\nDoo doo doo doo\nDoo doo doo doo\n\n[Pre-Chorus]\nShe never gets wet\nShe smiles and it\'s a rainbow oh, oh\nYou can see you can see\nI wanna wanna wanna wanna be...\n\n[Chorus]\nKate!\nKate!\nKate!\n\nNo, no...\nKate!\nKate!\nKate!\n\nNo, no, no, no, no, no...1Embed', 'default'

Cocoon___Chupee

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'Chupee Lyrics[Verse 1]\nWe have gone to the country\nIn your old car\nWe have lost our way\nSo many times\n\n[Chorus]\nHello, hello\nI take you on a trip\nHello, hello\nI take you on a trip\n[Verse 2]\nEating your Chupa Chup\nA plane is making a loop\nThe beavers are so cute\nA tree gave me a fruit\n\n[Chorus]\nHello, hello\nI take you on a trip\nHello, hello\nI take you on a trip\n\n[Chorus]\nHello, hello\nI take you on a trip\nHello, hello\nI take you on a trip\n\n[Outro]\nOh, hello Hello\nHello Hello\nHello Hello\nHello Hello\nOh, hello Hello\nHello Hello\nHello Hello\nHello Hello\nHello Hello\nHello Hello\nHello Hello\nHello Hello\nHello Hello\nHello Hello\nHello Hello\nHello HelloYou might also likeEmbed', 'default'

Backstreet_Boys___The_One

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"The One Lyrics[Intro: All]\nI'll be the one\n\n[Verse 1: AJ]\nI guess you were lost when I met you\nStill there were tears in your eyes\nSo out of trust and I knew\nNo more than mysteries and lies\n\n[Pre-Chorus: Brian]\nThere you are, wild and free\nReaching out like you needed me\nA helping hand to make it right\nI am holding you all through the night\n[Chorus: All]\nI'll be the one I'll be the one\nWho will make all your sorrows undone\nI'll be the light I'll be the light\nWhen you feel like there's nowhere to run\nI'll be the one\n\n[Verse 2: Nick]\nTo hold you\nAnd make sure that you'll be alright\n'Cause my faith is gone\nAnd I want to take you from darkness to light\n\n[Pre-Chorus: AJ]\nThere you are, wild and free\nReaching out like you needed me\nA helping hand to make it right\nI am holding you all through the night\n\n[Chorus: All]\nI'll be the one I'll be the one\nWho will make all your sorrows undone\nI'll be the light I'll be the light\nWhen you feel like there's nowhere to run\nI'll be the one\nSee Backstreet Boys LiveGet tickets as low as $57You might also like[Refrain: Nick]\nTo hold you\nAnd make sure that you'll be alright\n\n[Bridge: Brian]\nYou need me like I need you\nWe can share our dreams coming true\nI can show you what true love means\nJust take me hand, baby please\n\n[Middle 8: All]\nI'll be the one, I'll be the light\nWhere you can run to make it alright\nI'll be the one, I'll be the light\nWhere you can run\n\n[Chorus: All]\nI'll be the one I'll be the one\nWho will make all your sorrows undone\nI'll be the light I'll be the light\nWhen you feel like there's nowhere to run\nI'll be the one\n\n[Middle 8: All]\nI'll be the one, I'll be the light\nWhere you can run to make it alright\nI'll be the one, I'll be the light\nWhere you can run to make it alright\nI'll be the one\n[Refrain: Nick]\nTo hold you\nAnd make sure that you will be alright\n\n[Outro: AJ]\nI'll be the one2Embed", 'default'

Benny_Goodman___Stompin_At_The_Savoy

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"Stompin At The Savoy LyricsStompin' At The Savoy\nBenny goodman\nMusic by: Benny Goodman Benjamin David G.\nMusic by: Chick Webb William Henry W.\nMusic by: Edgar Sampson E. Melvin S.\n\nSavoy, the home of sweet romance\nSavoy, it wins you with a glance\nSavoy, gives happy feet a chance to dance\n\nYour old form just like a clinging vine\nYour lips so warm and sweet as wine\nYour cheek so soft and close to mine, divine\nHow my heart is singing\nWhile the band is swinging\nI'm never tired of romping\nAnd stomping with you at the Savoy\nWhat joy - a perfect holiday\nSavoy, where we can glide and sway\nSavoy, let me stomp away with you;\n\nThe home of sweet romance\nIt wins you at a glance\nGives happy feet a chance to dance\nJust like a clinging vine\nSo soft and sweet as wine\nSo soft and close to mine, divine\n\nHow my heart is singing\nWhile the band is swinging\nI'm never, never, never tired of romping\nAnd stomping with you at the Savoy\nWhat joy - a perfect holiday\nSavoy, where we can glide and sway\nSavoy, let me stomp away with you;\n\nTpeach@gte. NetYou might also likeEmbed", 'default'